Last week, I received the following email from a young gay reader that was as follows:
Dear GB,
I love your blog a lot and have been reading it for over a year now, when I came across it by accident. I'm a big fan. I'm writing to you because I don't know who to talk to about this and need some advice, which is cringe-full even now that I am writing it.
I am a 20-year-old Indian guy who's at university. I have been out for sometime and have never had a boyfriend; I started to explore my sexuality on gaydar with no real success. In fact, I hated the sex I had with the guys from gaydar, and it has kinda put me off gay sex a little.
Recently I went on a date with a guy, considering I am 20 and have never had a boyfriend, thinking it would be good to have someone in my life. However, I fell for going back to his place for a spot of fun. When we where getting down to it he said causally "Oh you're really tiny … it's cute". At that point, I was so embarrassed I had to leave. I never saw him again. Funny and embarrassing as it is, this made me very paranoid after.
I am 5inches erect and I know that's on the smaller size of the so-called average but I can't help but be paranoid about being a little small. I have now met a really cool guy who I like a lot and he likes me, but he keeps asking me why I won't go out with him as his boyfriend. I just keep making excuses but really I know at some point I will have to show it to him and I can't afford a repeat incident. Gay people talk, and me and him know the same people, so if for whatever reason our relationship did not work out on good terms I could not afford him telling people about my little chap, because it would really be kicking a guy down when he's down.
I know you have said previously, that you would prefer a harder dick than a bigger one. But I really can't help thinking whether it really is an issue. I have no way to get over my trauma over what my date said to me and now I don't know what to do because I think about it all the time.
Thanks for listening; I would value your thoughts a lot.
My immediate reaction to this reader's email was that it's an awful indictment of the society that we live in, because it's only peer pressure that makes guys feel this way if they're smaller than average in the trouser department. In fact I'm guilty too, because although it's true that I prefer hard dicks to big ones :-), I drew attention to the fact that the guy I met after the lengthly courtship had a big dick and that kind of writing just perpetuates people's obsession with dick size :-(. Of course, the point about hard dicks is that in my experience, guys with big dicks don't usually get as hard as guys who are smaller, and I'm sure that the hardest dicks that I've played with were ones that were smaller than average!
This reader's email also reminded me about a TV programme that I saw last September, which was made by a guy called Lawrence Barraclough. Lawrence has a penis which is just 3½ inches long when erect and he's made a couple of TV programmes about it, looking into why he's bothered about the fact that his dick is smaller than average. One important conclusion that Lawrence reached was not to have surgery to try and make his little chap bigger, and I would definitely recommend that this reader avoids surgery too. One reason why surgery is a bad idea is because there's nothing physically wrong with this reader. I agree that 5 inches erect is smaller than average for an Indian or Caucasian guy, but by definition 50% of guys are smaller than average because that's what average means!
However, it's clear that this reader does have a confidence issue relating to the fact that his dick is a bit smaller than average. It's what I call the confidence mirror, but working against him. Because the reader feels that his dick size is a problem, that's the reaction that likely to be reflected back to him when he's in intimate situations with other guys. Somehow, he needs to learn that to a large percentage of the population dick size is not important, even if they joke about dick size like I did recently.
It's true, of course, that there are some shallow gay guys out there for whom a big dick is an essential attribute in their sexual partners. There have been times when I've been on gaydar and guys lose interest in me when I say that I'm average. If that's important to a guy, them I'm sure that I have no interest in him either. Actually, I can honestly say that if I'm cruising on gaydar, I NEVER look at how a guy describes himself in terms of 'Dick Size' on his profile. I've certainly had many enjoyable encounters with guys of all sizes, including many with guys that are a similar size to this reader. In any case, in terms of boyfriends and relationships, the thing that matters most is whether two guys get on with each other or not, not the size of their equipment!
I'm also sure that when that guy said this reader "Oh you're really tiny … it's cute" the guy had nothing but good intentions, because 'cute' was surely meant as a compliment. This means it was a failure of communication, because the reader's lack of confidence made him feel embarrassed which caused him to leave. So what can the reader do to overcome his confidence problem?
Confronting the issue head on is one possibility. So the next time the guy that's sweet on the reader asks him why they can't be boyfriends, perhaps he could confide in him and say it's simply because he's slightly embarrassed because he's a bit smaller than average. In that situation, the guy is highly likely to say that it doesn't matter to him. In any case, I can't imagine any circumstances which would cause the guy to discuss the matter with anyone else, even if they become boyfriends and later split up. Everyone knows that what one learns about someone else's naked body and sexual preferences is confidential, and isn't for discussion with anyone else. Talking about those kind of things with other people reflects badly on the person who divulges the information, not on the person who's secrets are being divulged. In any case, given the way that the reader feels, it's probably worth raising the issue somehow before he gets into the bedroom. Getting naked with a guy for the first time should be an enjoyable experience :-), so the reader shouldn't be worrying about what the other guy is going to say when he sees his tackle!
Does anyone else have any thoughts for this reader?
Monday, April 28, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
New houses
"You know what my barber says GB?" shouts boyfriend S from the upstairs bathroom of his new house, while I'm downstairs.
"No what?"
"When he moves into a new house, there are two things he changes immediately!"
"Uh huh, and what are they?" I ask, only mildly interested, "let me guess, the front and back door locks!"
"Close," says boyfriend S, coming downstairs now, "but in fact he changes the locks and the toilet seats!"
I chuckle to myself at the idea that someone feels they need to change their toilet seat, presumably just because it's main purpose has been for other people's arses to sit on!
"But what does he do when he visits a friend's house and needs to use the toilet there?" I ask.
"Oh don't ask me," replies boyfriend S chuckling too, "perhaps he doesn’t use any toilets when he visits friends, perhaps the horrible thought of having to sit on someone else's toilet seat keeps his rear sphincter tightly shut!"
In the past, I've heard people worry about who might have died in their new house, but worrying about toilet seats like that is surely taking hygiene worries to a ridiculous extreme!
"No what?"
"When he moves into a new house, there are two things he changes immediately!"
"Uh huh, and what are they?" I ask, only mildly interested, "let me guess, the front and back door locks!"
"Close," says boyfriend S, coming downstairs now, "but in fact he changes the locks and the toilet seats!"
I chuckle to myself at the idea that someone feels they need to change their toilet seat, presumably just because it's main purpose has been for other people's arses to sit on!
"But what does he do when he visits a friend's house and needs to use the toilet there?" I ask.
"Oh don't ask me," replies boyfriend S chuckling too, "perhaps he doesn’t use any toilets when he visits friends, perhaps the horrible thought of having to sit on someone else's toilet seat keeps his rear sphincter tightly shut!"In the past, I've heard people worry about who might have died in their new house, but worrying about toilet seats like that is surely taking hygiene worries to a ridiculous extreme!
Friday, April 25, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Monogamy? A cautionary tale ...
Patrick had been with his boyfriend Colin for five years now and was happy. Although he knew that his previous boyfriend Gary had loved and cared for him enormously, Gary had always been evasive when the subject of monogamy was raised.
"But why do you think that monogamy is so important?" Gary would ask, "Don't you think that I love you? Don't you think that you're my top priority all the time?"
"I know you love me and everything," Patrick would reply, "It's just that I saw what my father's infidelity did to my mother, it almost destroyed her :-(. I always swore to myself that I wouldn't let that happen to me!"
Eventually Patrick decided that he had to find a boyfriend who could commit to monogamy, and so by mutual consent Gary and Patrick went their separate ways. It didn’t take Patrick long to find a nice guy called Colin who also wanted an uncomplicated monogamous relationship.
Although the honeymoon period of his relationship with Colin was a long time ago now, the two of them had settled into a comfortable every day existence which didn't give Patrick any cause for concern. He knew that the split with Gary had been the right decision. Monogamy was just so important to him.
One day, Colin came home to Patrick with some good news.
"Guess what, I've just been head-hunted!" announces Colin, "I'm not sure yet whether I'll be offered the job but I've got an excellent chance. It would mean that I'll have to travel to Asia on business regularly, but it's a much better role! The new firm has also got a much better profile that my current firm so I think I should go for it :-)."
"Yes I guess," replies Patrick, "but I'll miss you terribly when you're away :-(. Anyway, I know I can trust you :-)."
After a series of hard interviews, Colin gets offered the job and soon he finds himself travelling to Hong Kong or Singapore every month or two. But as time passes, doubts start to arise in Patrick's mind.
"Where were you when I phoned you in your hotel around 11pm three nights ago?" asks Patrick after Colin has just returned from a trip to Singapore, "I thought you said that you had to work on a presentation for the following day!"
"The clients insisted on going to that girlie bar Top Ten," laughs Colin, "well of course I didn't want to go but I didn't have any choice!"
"Anyway," continues Colin, "where were YOU when I phoned yesterday morning? You've always got your iPhone with you when I'm around!"
"Actually I did have it with me," explains Patrick, "but I'd forgotten to put it on charge the night before and I didn't realise that it was out of power until the afternoon."
Much more time passes.
Years later, by chance Gary spots his ex-boyfriend Patrick on the street.
"Wow it's Patrick isn't it?" says Gary with a huge smile on his face, touching Patrick on the shoulder to grab his attention, "I haven't seen you for YEARS! How's that boyfriend Colin :-)?"
"Oh, well, we split up ages ago," replies Patrick looking mildly upset by the subject.
"Really? What went wrong?"
"Well, Colin started travelling to Asia a lot on business. One day on his return, I found a pair of undershorts in his luggage that weren't his. He said that the hotel laundry must have made a mistake but at the time I didn't believe him. We gradually just ended up mistrusting each other and then quarrelling all the time. He wouldn't change job so in the end our relationship just disintegrated. Anyway … did you find another boyfriend after me?"
"Yes of course, actually I think it was only a few months after you started going out with Colin," answers Gary, "we're very happy together :-)."
"And are you monogamous?"
"Oh you know me," laughs Gary, "I wouldn't commit to that on principle, but in fact I can't remember when I had sex with a guy who wasn't my boyfriend! I guess I just got bored of all that ages ago. Of course my boyfriend thinks the same way as I do, he agrees that it's the positive, caring commitments that we make to each other that are much more important than that old monogamy issue! Anyway, who are you with now?"
"Well, actually," says Patrick slowly, trying to find the words, "since Colin I've been single :-(."
"Awww, sorry to hear that mate," replies Gary, "Look, I've got to dash now, but you must come round for supper with us sometime :-)?"
"Yes. OK. I suppose …," says Patrick looking a bit uncertain, "what's your cell phone number, I'll give you a call soon?"
But although Gary gives Patrick his number, for some reason Patrick never calls him.
"But why do you think that monogamy is so important?" Gary would ask, "Don't you think that I love you? Don't you think that you're my top priority all the time?"
"I know you love me and everything," Patrick would reply, "It's just that I saw what my father's infidelity did to my mother, it almost destroyed her :-(. I always swore to myself that I wouldn't let that happen to me!"
Eventually Patrick decided that he had to find a boyfriend who could commit to monogamy, and so by mutual consent Gary and Patrick went their separate ways. It didn’t take Patrick long to find a nice guy called Colin who also wanted an uncomplicated monogamous relationship.
Although the honeymoon period of his relationship with Colin was a long time ago now, the two of them had settled into a comfortable every day existence which didn't give Patrick any cause for concern. He knew that the split with Gary had been the right decision. Monogamy was just so important to him.
One day, Colin came home to Patrick with some good news.
"Guess what, I've just been head-hunted!" announces Colin, "I'm not sure yet whether I'll be offered the job but I've got an excellent chance. It would mean that I'll have to travel to Asia on business regularly, but it's a much better role! The new firm has also got a much better profile that my current firm so I think I should go for it :-)."
"Yes I guess," replies Patrick, "but I'll miss you terribly when you're away :-(. Anyway, I know I can trust you :-)."
After a series of hard interviews, Colin gets offered the job and soon he finds himself travelling to Hong Kong or Singapore every month or two. But as time passes, doubts start to arise in Patrick's mind.
"Where were you when I phoned you in your hotel around 11pm three nights ago?" asks Patrick after Colin has just returned from a trip to Singapore, "I thought you said that you had to work on a presentation for the following day!"
"The clients insisted on going to that girlie bar Top Ten," laughs Colin, "well of course I didn't want to go but I didn't have any choice!"
"Anyway," continues Colin, "where were YOU when I phoned yesterday morning? You've always got your iPhone with you when I'm around!"
"Actually I did have it with me," explains Patrick, "but I'd forgotten to put it on charge the night before and I didn't realise that it was out of power until the afternoon."
Much more time passes.
Years later, by chance Gary spots his ex-boyfriend Patrick on the street.
"Wow it's Patrick isn't it?" says Gary with a huge smile on his face, touching Patrick on the shoulder to grab his attention, "I haven't seen you for YEARS! How's that boyfriend Colin :-)?"
"Oh, well, we split up ages ago," replies Patrick looking mildly upset by the subject.
"Really? What went wrong?"
"Well, Colin started travelling to Asia a lot on business. One day on his return, I found a pair of undershorts in his luggage that weren't his. He said that the hotel laundry must have made a mistake but at the time I didn't believe him. We gradually just ended up mistrusting each other and then quarrelling all the time. He wouldn't change job so in the end our relationship just disintegrated. Anyway … did you find another boyfriend after me?"
"Yes of course, actually I think it was only a few months after you started going out with Colin," answers Gary, "we're very happy together :-)."
"And are you monogamous?"
"Oh you know me," laughs Gary, "I wouldn't commit to that on principle, but in fact I can't remember when I had sex with a guy who wasn't my boyfriend! I guess I just got bored of all that ages ago. Of course my boyfriend thinks the same way as I do, he agrees that it's the positive, caring commitments that we make to each other that are much more important than that old monogamy issue! Anyway, who are you with now?"
"Well, actually," says Patrick slowly, trying to find the words, "since Colin I've been single :-(."
"Awww, sorry to hear that mate," replies Gary, "Look, I've got to dash now, but you must come round for supper with us sometime :-)?"
"Yes. OK. I suppose …," says Patrick looking a bit uncertain, "what's your cell phone number, I'll give you a call soon?"
But although Gary gives Patrick his number, for some reason Patrick never calls him.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Email from a guy with a mid-life boyfriend crisis
It's been a while since anyone emailed me for any advice so I was happy to receive the following email last week from a guy who's got boyfriend problems:
Dear GB,
I am a new reader of your blog, living in London. I am really looking for some advice from you. It's difficult to discuss my dilemma with friends for reasons which will be obvious.
I am in my mid 40s and have been in a relationship with my partner for nearly nine years now. He is in his early 30s. He is bright, good looking, and treats me very well. I am his first boyfriend. Sounds like a dream come true for any gay 40 year old! The problem is we have not been having sex much at all for the last couple of years or so. We are both still interested in sex, but something seems to stop us enjoying it together. I have got through this with the occasional encounter and I assume he has too, although it's not discussed. A genuine open relationship would not be an option with him because he knows I have cheated on him before and he is too insecure to handle it. I don't mean that as a criticism. If anything it should be the other way round.
Last autumn I started chatting to a lovely guy on gaydar who lives in Brighton. Again he is bright, attractive to me, in his mid 30s, funny etc. We met for sex once and it was great. Since then we have texted and chatted on the phone a lot. He is away a lot. For a while I was making the running in terms of the texts etc and he was a bit reticent. I put that down to the fact that he had just come out of a long relationship and did not want to get involved with me given my circumstances. However, I've been around the block a few times and I like to think I know the difference between disinterest and being scared of falling for someone. I know he likes me a lot and think we could have a future together. I know it sounds mad to make such a bold assertion on the basis of texts and calls etc but sometimes you just know don't you?
I have fallen for him big time. He is on my mind 24/7. It's a bit like being 17 again. Although I live and work in London, I could move down to Brighton permanently to be with him because it's an easy commute to London on the train.
So the dilemma. Is this a mid life crisis or not? I have never felt this way about anyone during my time with my partner. I realise that when its written down in black and white it looks like madness to even think we could have a future together. The reality is we hardly really know each other and would be coming together after two LT relationships - hardly a recipe for success.
But maybe it's time to move on. I love my partner but not with the burning intensity I know I could love this guy. I think the best thing to do is to continue the connection with this new guy and see where it leads. The more we get to know each other the greater the chance we may lose interest in each other. I feel I have to find out or I could regret not taking the chance for years. Or should I "get a grip of myself" and put all my efforts into rebuilding my relationship with my partner?
I hope I have not bored you to tears. However, I would genuinely value your thoughts. It's a great blog too by the way!
Thanks
I don't like the term "mid-life crisis", but since this reader is around the middle of his expected lifespan, I guess his problems falls into that category! I actually think it's healthy to assess the direction of one's life every now and then. For a lot of us, including myself, we follow the expected path from school/university to job and relationship, probably including children if one is straight, strive for seniority at work so as to earn more money, and it's only in one's late thirties or forties that the path peters out. So around that time, anyone with a brain should be questioning whether they're headed in the right direction or not!
This reader's case reminds me of the email from the gay guy with long-term relationship issues. That guy was also contemplating leaving his long-term partner for another guy, and just as in that situation, change for the sake of change is probably a bad idea. When there are problems with one's domestic situation, it's very hard to be objective about the the merits of dumping one's boyfriend for another guy, because the prospects of a life with the other guy will always look better than they really are. Given this, I doubt that this reader's love for the other guy is any stronger than his love was for his current boyfriend when they first got to know each other, and the burning intensity of his love for the other guy will gradually fade. Even so, that doesn't necessarily mean that a relationship with the other guy would be a mistake.
The bottom line is that this reader really needs to talk to his current boyfriend. Communication is vital to maintain a healthy relationship. In terms of communication it's clear that the relationship has broken down, because they're not talking about their sexual difficulties, which is causing at least one of them to look elsewhere. Whether he ends up separating from his boyfriend or staying with him, both courses of action mean that he'll have to talk to him about difficult subjects. And the fact is, if he can't bring himself to talk about difficult subjects with his current boyfriend, he's not likely to be able to do so with any other boyfriend when difficulties arise in any future relationship.
The ultimate outcome must depend on what happens when the reader starts discussing his relationship problems with his partner. Although he says that an open relationship is out of the question, that may be preferable to both parties instead of splitting up. Nine years in a gay male relationship is an achievement, and it's a shame to throw it all away without trying to fix it. The reader says that 'something' seems to stop him and his current boyfriend enjoying sex with each other. My guess is that solving their communication problem could well be an important milestone in terms of finding a solution to that, because if they love each other enough to share their most intimate thoughts with each other, loving each other physically too will seem very natural.
To make a success of any relationship over a long period of time, I think it's important that both parties to continue to work at it. It's not clear to me which of them stopped working at their relationship first, but it's probably true that both of them have let it slip over the last couple of years. At any rate, it's important that the reader enters into discussions with his current boyfriend with an open mind, without trying to pre-judge what will happen. In this way, the reader will be showing his willingness to try and make the relationship work again. If, in spite of his best efforts, the boyfriend won't properly engage in the discussions, or doesn't want to start putting any work into the relationship again, then perhaps trying for a new relationship with the other guy would be the best course of action. Since it seems that this is the course of action that the reader wants to follow, he should bear in mind that it's very easy to mis-interpret what was said and hear what one wants to hear, so to try and overcome this he really does need to listen properly to what his boyfriend has to say otherwise he's not giving it his best shot.
If the ultimate conclusion is that it's best to end their nine year relationship, I think it's less traumatic if they can do that and still somehow remain friends. Although it's not clear where my relationship is going with my boyfriend S, if we eventually decide to stop calling each other boyfriends then I think it's likely that we will remain friends. I reckon that people who break all ties in these situations usually end up being less happy in the long run, because they're effectively putting a big part of their life into the dustbin!
Do any other reader's have any thoughts on this situation?
Dear GB,
I am a new reader of your blog, living in London. I am really looking for some advice from you. It's difficult to discuss my dilemma with friends for reasons which will be obvious.
I am in my mid 40s and have been in a relationship with my partner for nearly nine years now. He is in his early 30s. He is bright, good looking, and treats me very well. I am his first boyfriend. Sounds like a dream come true for any gay 40 year old! The problem is we have not been having sex much at all for the last couple of years or so. We are both still interested in sex, but something seems to stop us enjoying it together. I have got through this with the occasional encounter and I assume he has too, although it's not discussed. A genuine open relationship would not be an option with him because he knows I have cheated on him before and he is too insecure to handle it. I don't mean that as a criticism. If anything it should be the other way round.
Last autumn I started chatting to a lovely guy on gaydar who lives in Brighton. Again he is bright, attractive to me, in his mid 30s, funny etc. We met for sex once and it was great. Since then we have texted and chatted on the phone a lot. He is away a lot. For a while I was making the running in terms of the texts etc and he was a bit reticent. I put that down to the fact that he had just come out of a long relationship and did not want to get involved with me given my circumstances. However, I've been around the block a few times and I like to think I know the difference between disinterest and being scared of falling for someone. I know he likes me a lot and think we could have a future together. I know it sounds mad to make such a bold assertion on the basis of texts and calls etc but sometimes you just know don't you?
I have fallen for him big time. He is on my mind 24/7. It's a bit like being 17 again. Although I live and work in London, I could move down to Brighton permanently to be with him because it's an easy commute to London on the train.
So the dilemma. Is this a mid life crisis or not? I have never felt this way about anyone during my time with my partner. I realise that when its written down in black and white it looks like madness to even think we could have a future together. The reality is we hardly really know each other and would be coming together after two LT relationships - hardly a recipe for success.
But maybe it's time to move on. I love my partner but not with the burning intensity I know I could love this guy. I think the best thing to do is to continue the connection with this new guy and see where it leads. The more we get to know each other the greater the chance we may lose interest in each other. I feel I have to find out or I could regret not taking the chance for years. Or should I "get a grip of myself" and put all my efforts into rebuilding my relationship with my partner?
I hope I have not bored you to tears. However, I would genuinely value your thoughts. It's a great blog too by the way!
Thanks
I don't like the term "mid-life crisis", but since this reader is around the middle of his expected lifespan, I guess his problems falls into that category! I actually think it's healthy to assess the direction of one's life every now and then. For a lot of us, including myself, we follow the expected path from school/university to job and relationship, probably including children if one is straight, strive for seniority at work so as to earn more money, and it's only in one's late thirties or forties that the path peters out. So around that time, anyone with a brain should be questioning whether they're headed in the right direction or not!
This reader's case reminds me of the email from the gay guy with long-term relationship issues. That guy was also contemplating leaving his long-term partner for another guy, and just as in that situation, change for the sake of change is probably a bad idea. When there are problems with one's domestic situation, it's very hard to be objective about the the merits of dumping one's boyfriend for another guy, because the prospects of a life with the other guy will always look better than they really are. Given this, I doubt that this reader's love for the other guy is any stronger than his love was for his current boyfriend when they first got to know each other, and the burning intensity of his love for the other guy will gradually fade. Even so, that doesn't necessarily mean that a relationship with the other guy would be a mistake.
The bottom line is that this reader really needs to talk to his current boyfriend. Communication is vital to maintain a healthy relationship. In terms of communication it's clear that the relationship has broken down, because they're not talking about their sexual difficulties, which is causing at least one of them to look elsewhere. Whether he ends up separating from his boyfriend or staying with him, both courses of action mean that he'll have to talk to him about difficult subjects. And the fact is, if he can't bring himself to talk about difficult subjects with his current boyfriend, he's not likely to be able to do so with any other boyfriend when difficulties arise in any future relationship.
The ultimate outcome must depend on what happens when the reader starts discussing his relationship problems with his partner. Although he says that an open relationship is out of the question, that may be preferable to both parties instead of splitting up. Nine years in a gay male relationship is an achievement, and it's a shame to throw it all away without trying to fix it. The reader says that 'something' seems to stop him and his current boyfriend enjoying sex with each other. My guess is that solving their communication problem could well be an important milestone in terms of finding a solution to that, because if they love each other enough to share their most intimate thoughts with each other, loving each other physically too will seem very natural.
To make a success of any relationship over a long period of time, I think it's important that both parties to continue to work at it. It's not clear to me which of them stopped working at their relationship first, but it's probably true that both of them have let it slip over the last couple of years. At any rate, it's important that the reader enters into discussions with his current boyfriend with an open mind, without trying to pre-judge what will happen. In this way, the reader will be showing his willingness to try and make the relationship work again. If, in spite of his best efforts, the boyfriend won't properly engage in the discussions, or doesn't want to start putting any work into the relationship again, then perhaps trying for a new relationship with the other guy would be the best course of action. Since it seems that this is the course of action that the reader wants to follow, he should bear in mind that it's very easy to mis-interpret what was said and hear what one wants to hear, so to try and overcome this he really does need to listen properly to what his boyfriend has to say otherwise he's not giving it his best shot.
If the ultimate conclusion is that it's best to end their nine year relationship, I think it's less traumatic if they can do that and still somehow remain friends. Although it's not clear where my relationship is going with my boyfriend S, if we eventually decide to stop calling each other boyfriends then I think it's likely that we will remain friends. I reckon that people who break all ties in these situations usually end up being less happy in the long run, because they're effectively putting a big part of their life into the dustbin!
Do any other reader's have any thoughts on this situation?
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Back from holiday
Sorry folks for not posting for a while. Kim surprised me with two weeks away on holiday in Tenerife. Just got back.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Scissoring
Although I'm a big fan of the cartoon South Park, I'm not an expert on lesbian sex. So I have to admit that I was a bit confused when, watching South Park series 11 episode "D-Yikes!" recently, I suddenly heard the character Janet Garrison say:Really, I don't even understand how two women can make love, I mean, unless they just kinda, scissor or something?
In case any readers aren't familiar with the South Park characters, I should explain that Janet Garrison was a bald man until series 9. He then had a sex change operation and became a bald woman, which lasted until series 12 when she had the operation reversed to become a man again. Anyway, I wasn't sure whether scissoring was a genuine entry on the menu of lesbian love-making, or whether it was simply the product of the over-active and awesomely fertile imaginations of the South Park writers!
Luckily wikipedia came to the rescue. The article on tribadism, explains that scissoring is indeed a term for the sexual activity where two women rub their genitals together in a form of mutual masturbation.
In the world of gay male sex, I'm familiar with frottage of course which is the closest equivalent. Unfortunately though, I don't think the scissoring position would work with two guys. On the contrary, I think it would be absolutely ball-gridingly painful!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
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