Do all gay relationships start with sex?

A few weeks ago, I received the following email:

Dear GB,

I'm a regular reader of your blog. After I came out, I was very cautious of the gay life, as societal stereotype has it as a promiscuous lifestyle. The opening line of Queer As Folk says it well: "Yes, its all about sex".

I've always steered clear of anything that's gay after I came out, hoping I can "straighten" myself out with prayer. Until last year when a "straight" friend of mine came out to me. He's more accepting with his gayness, and I've kind of taken on his attitudes towards life. I suppose I really came out to myself then and accepted that maybe I should give gay life a shot.

So I've been more open to relationships. I've joined a few dating sites, which I find totally useless (mostly because I get old guys hitting on me, and most profiles are just dead). Plus, having been in a straight life all my life, and having many great straight friends, I don't see myself becoming all gay and purple, and starting a new gay life with gay friends. Suffice it to say, I'm gay and I'm trapped in the straight world, and don't want to leave it - mostly because there's nothing wrong with it.

But in a straight world, people date, and people find lovers. As friends find lovers, I'm left alone, wanting someone special also. I'm not wanting this just because my friends are dating, but because, after accepting myself, and opening myself to the possibility of gay relationship, I've started to think about the possibility, and am now kinda itching for it.

OK, I'd better get to the point. I'm wondering if all gay relationships start off with sex? It seems to me that the straight pattern of dating is absent in gay culture. What I mean is: boy meets boy, boy has crush on boy, boy ask boy out and become friends, boy and boy become boyfriends. And somewhere done the line, boy have sex with boy. But it seems to me that gay relationships only spring out from "the guy who I slept with from that party" or some sexual encounter. Is it possible to start a gay relationship by just meeting guys, falling in love the traditional way, get to know each other and leaving sex until we really have feelings for each other. After reading two other fellow bloggers views, I agree that I don't want to throw away my first time on some recreational fuck.

Or maybe boys will always be boys, and would not be able to control themselves but have sex before any real feelings have developed.

I know I sound kinda like a chick, but don't get me wrong, I do think sex is important (and fun), but I just don't want to do things that I'll regret later.

Sorry for the long email. Its not really a problem, just a thought I had, and I'd would like to hear your thoughts on this (since you've been through this).

It's an interesting question, and I think the answer is "No, not ALL gay relationships start with sex". But I must confess, my own experience is very much along the lines of what the reader is suggesting, i.e. sex comes first! Although it was a couple of weeks before I managed to get inside boyfriend number 1's undershorts when we first met, I met both boyfriend number 2 and boyfriend number 3 online and we'd had our wicked way with each other almost immediately :-).

However, I can definitely think of a few friends of mine who became boyfriends with a guy after having been friends first, so it is possible. In the blogging world, it's also clear that both HBH and GBD have been dating, rather than screwing around.

Anyway, since the original purpose of this blog was to write about encounters with other guys, my experience in relation to this was always going to be skewed towards the promiscious end of the spectrum. But I'm wondering what the experience of everyone else is. It would be great if a few guys could leave some comments on this subject ... ?