More on how gay relationships should be constructed

Last January, I wrote a post about how gay relationships should be constructed which suggested a model for gay relationships which doesn't assume monogamy. I've been thinking a lot about this recently and I still feel that monogamy isn't necessary as long as there is a sound basis for the relationship. Part of the reason for mentioning this again is in response to the first comment on my last posting.

Reading the post from last January again, I still can't fault it. The idea that I was trying to convey is that if all interactions are good between the two guys in the relationship, it really doesn't matter what happens when they're not together. For the interaction between them to be good there would need to be mutual support, lots of companionship (i.e. a strong interest in each other's lives), so that they're always each other's top priority :-). That's the best succinct definition of mutual love that I can devise on a Sunday afternoon! However it's vital that the guys in the relationship are each other's top priority. It's when either of them have other priorities that relationships fail, whether it's work commitments or other friends or lovers.

The fact that that kind of relationship is incredibly hard to find is why it doesn't matter whether they have sex outside the relationship or not. Once the relationship is established, the idea that anyone would abandon such a loving environment because they had some good sessions with another guy is ridiculous. However appealing another guy might be, leaving a functional relationship to take a chance on whether the other guy might be even better would be incredibly risky. In any case, the other guy would be foolish to enter into the relationship, because someone who leaves their partner in such a situation can't be trusted.

One final thought is that if two guys want a monogamous relationship for whatever reason, the monogamy bit needs to be in addition to the mutual love and support that I've described above. After all, I don't think it would make sense for a guy to say "My boyfriend doesn't really care about my life but at least I know that he's not sleeping around"!