Email from a guy with feelings for a male friend

About three weeks ago, a reader sent me the following email:

Dear GB,

I need some advice! In short I am wondering if I should tell my friend of 6 years I have feelings for him, or if I should stay quiet and remain friends.

We have been friends since high school and now we go to different universities. I came out to him last year. It wasn't a big deal and we didn't talk much about it, but the topic came up again recently. I visited him at his frat last weekend and we ended up drinking quite a bit. He told me that he is bisexual, or thinks he may be. It was a large step for him to say that, and he is just starting to come to terms with it. Later that night we end up in the same bed and we kiss. He told me he wasn't ready to go any further, and things ended there. The next morning we don't say much about it. We could easy blame it on the alcohol and pretend it didn't happen. He is on a short trip now so we haven't talked since.

When I see him next I don't know to say. I have feelings for him and I think he feels the same way. I'm afraid he won't be happy to hear what I have to say, since he is only started to deal with his sexuality. We've been friends for quite a while and it wouldn't bother me to keep things the same. At the same time, I do want him to know how I feel, but it could end up ruining our friendship too.

What should I do!?

When I read this email, it reminded me that for a while I thought that perhaps I was bisexual. I think a lot of gay guys go through the same thing. When we realise that we're not heterosexual, our upbringing make us want to be 'almost' heterosexual, so we go through a phase when we think we're bisexual even if we've never been particularly attracted to girls! So it could well be that this reader's friend is on the same path and that eventually he'll realise that he's actually gay. Indeed, it can sometimes turn out that two friends who've known each for a while both end up being gay, because even if the two guys haven't come out yet they're likely to have similar attitudes that make the friendship work.

Since the reader seems to have no problem being gay, hopefully he'll be able to help his friend accept his sexuality, whatever it turns out to be. However, an admission of Big Love isn't likely to help this process. It may even be harmful if it shocks the guy, because one can be quite emotionally fragile during this period.

A much better idea would be for the reader to take small, baby steps towards his goal, which is presumably some type of relationship with this guy. Given that they're at different universities they're unlikely to meet unless they travel to see each other, so perhaps the reader should occasionally contact the guy and say that it would be nice to meet up again. And when they do meet up, perhaps try and get him into bed again and go a bit further :-). Even if they just kiss and cuddle a bit, spending the whole night in the same bed would be good, because waking up together would make it difficult to pretend that it didn't happen!

Does anyone else have any thoughts for this reader?