The new customised condom brand: TheyFit

Yesterday I received an email from an ex Goldman Sachs trader called Joe Nelson, who's set up a company called TheyFit which makes condoms in 95 different sizes! So this is a condom brand that fits both length and girth :-).

The idea is simple. Guys download and print out the Fit Kit, which lets them work out the best size for them. They can then place an order on the web site. If anyone wants to try ouy this new brand, Joe has sent me a code which will give readers a 15% discount:

15% discount code: GBGS15

The 'GS' in the discount code refers to the investment bank Goldman Sachs where Joe used to work. Because of that, London's evening newspaper wrote an article about Joe's condoms with the title Goldman Sex - how Londoners measure up!

It occurred to me last night that if this catches on, the TheyFit measurement codes might one day become the definitive way of talking about cock size. Will women, and guys who like to be bottom, one day be saying things like "My last boyfriend was a D21 which was PAINFUL, but I'm much happier with my new guy who's a comfortable B77 :-)"?

Anyway, if any reader does try out this new condom brand, do come back and leave a comment to let us all know what you think!

Update 14-Jan-2012: Originally the discount code was only valid for 30 days. However, today I got an email from Joe telling me that he'd seen a lot of people use GBGS15, so he's extended it for another month :-).

Looking good on camera for a TV pilot? Volunteers please!

This morning I received the following email from Anna Shaw of Rockabox media:

Hi there,

I've just stumbled across your blog - loving it! I'm a TV producer developing a dating show for bisexual 16 - 25 year olds. Lots of my friends are bi and I've never seen anything like this on TV before. I wanted to drop you a line as I'm currently looking for people to take part and wondered if you might know anyone who would be good on camera?

All the best

When she said that she'd "never seen anything like this on TV before", I assume she meant the kind of posts that I used to write relating to my gay life, which I don't have time to write at the moment. In which case, I think there has been something similar on TV before, in particular Queer as folk :-). So I asked her about Queer as folk to which she replied:

Yeah, similar lines definitely but we want to do it for real.

Anyway, if any readers want to take part, or know someone who'd like to take part, then please contact anna.shaw@rockaboxmedia.com as soon as possible!

Charity donations at Christmas

For the last four years, I've asked readers to give me suggestions for Christmas charity donations (see 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010).

In connection with this, a few weeks ago I received a direct email request from a charity called Positively UK for a donation, so I've already used my charity account to give them £100. But there's still an excess in that account of around £1000, so if anyone has any suggestions for the rest then please leave a comment. The only condition is that the beneficiaries have to be registered UK charities :-).

Sharing one's life with a partner

I recently suggested to a friend that one of the purposes of a gay relationship was to share one's life with someone else. I was surprised to hear his response, which was that to start out with any purpose like that was prejudging what might happen, and hence inviting failure. He seemed to suggest that perhaps the starting point could be love, but nothing beyond that. For straight couples, one of the reasons for a relationship can be to have children, but for gay couples that reason doesn't really apply.

I've written before about how gay relationships should be constructed (1, 2), but those posts were more from the point of view of whether relationships need to be monogamous or not. I think that when I wrote those posts, I was assuming a situation where two gay guys do want to share their lives with each other, so that isn't the issue.

If a gay "relationship" is purely based on sex, then I reckon the two guys are fuckbuddies rather than boyfriends or partners. For two gay guys that call themselves partners, surely the idea of sharing one's life with the other guy is fundamental?

A royal wedding party

"So," I ask, smiling cheekily at the three guys that I'm chatting to, "are you all homosexuals?"

I'm at a Royal Wedding party that's being hosted by my colleague P and his boyfriend D. Outside on the balcony, and slightly away from the main party, I'm chatting to D and two of his friends who're called S and G.

"We're all gay, GB!" answers D, laughing at my use of the rather clinical word 'homosexual'.

"Are you a 'homosexual' then?" asks S, who's the youngest guy in the group. S has a slightly irritated tone in his voice.

"Yes of course!" I answer casually, "In case you're in any doubt, that's my boyfriend over there :-)."

I point inside, through the balcony windows, to boyfriend T who's talking to my colleague P.

"Actually I'm Bi," says S, "I like both men and women :-)."

On hearing this, both D and G shakes their heads, laughing in protest.

"I think he means that he likes both cock AND dick!" says G with a big grin on his face.

"But I slept with a woman a couple of months ago," replies S indignantly.

"What about that Irish guy you told us about last week?" asks D.

"And wasn't it a Polish guy the week before that?" asks G.

"If you must know, I slept with my female cousin!" answers S, without denying either the Irish or the Polish guy, "It was OK with her, but I'm interested in men as well."

"What was her pussy like then?" I ask, mildly curious to know how far S went with his cousin.

"Actually she was clean," says S with a matter of fact tone in his voice, "She didn't taste of fish or anything like that."

"Urrgh S," says D with a grimace on his face, "you didn't actually ..."

"Well I thought she'd suck me off, so I started by doing it for her, but actually she wasn't up for that."

"Anyway," continues S, "I don't have a problem with gay or straight. In fact my father's gay."

This isn't news to D or G, but I'm taken aback by the statement.

"Wow," I reply, "I didn't expect you to say that!"

As S starts to tell me a bit about his background, the other two guys walk off the balcony and inside the apartment to refill their Champagne glasses. After a few minutes I notice that S's hand has very slowly moved up against mine on the balcony rail that we're both holding. I glance at him quickly, before moving my hand slightly away from his.

"So," starts S suggestively, catching my eye, "do you like young boys?"

Of course I most definitely do NOT like young boys, but in fact S is clearly referring to himself.

"Not too young," I say laughing, "I don't know about you, but I like my guys to be fully developed :-)".

"Well indeed," he says, looking me in the eye again, and then looking me up and down, "Actually, I've been trying to work out how, um, big you are from the size of your fingers :-)."

Although S is an attractive guy, I've been happily loyal to boyfriend T for well over a year now, ever since I got back from Thailand at the start of 2010.

"Thanks :-)," I reply to S, "but as I said, my boyfriend is next door, have you met him yet?"

Just then, D comes back out onto the balcony to rejoin the conversation, Champagne bottle in one hand and a full glass in the other.

"Have you seen my boyfriend around?" I ask D, wondering whether I should introduce S to boyfriend T, or whether that'll simply encourage S to push for a threesome. But before D can answer, S makes his excuses and moves back inside the apartment, looking mildly upset that I seem impervious to his boyish charms.

"Just now," I whisper quietly to D, "S was trying to chat me up!"

"Doesn't surprise me," replies D, refilling my glass, "Ever since he arrived in London, S has been with one guy after another. And if you believe what he said earlier, he's been with girls too!"

"Actually, although S doesn't know it," continues D, "I slept with his father before I came to London, and ..."

On hearing this I collapse into almost hysterical laughter. I feel like I'm living in some hyper-gay world, where everyone has some kind of sexual connection to everyone else, and nothing is quite what it seems. I'm about to ask D whether, in his experience, S or S's father is better in bed when a couple of other guys come out onto the balcony to see why I'm laughing so much.

"What's so funny, GB?" asks one of them.

Before I can answer, D has diplomatically changed the subject and a semblance of normality manages to assert itself. No doubt S's mother has some unusual sexual connection to G or perhaps even with boyfriend T, but discovering exactly what that connection is will have to wait!

Another visit to GB in Shinjuki 2-chome, Tokyo

Last October, when me and boyfriend T were working out our plans for Christmas and New Year, we decide that we have to spend some time in Japan. So after Christmas by the beach, we say farewell to the friends that we were staying with and hop on a plane to Tokyo.

"I used to come to Tokyo regularly when I worked for that Japanese bank a few years ago," I tell boyfriend T during the flight, "but since I changed jobs, I've only been back once."

"All the same, I guess you know Tokyo reasonably well?" asks boyfriend T hopefully.

"I know a few things about the place :-)," I reply, "and if you're interested, I can even take you to the gay district and show you where I used to pick up Japanese guys!"

"Perhaps you'd prefer to go to that area alone?" giggles boyfriend T, "after all, I don't want to cramp your style."

"One of these days I might just take you up on that kind of offer," I laugh. "But it would be good if we could find time to go back there one evening, and see what's changed."

On our second night in Tokyo we go to a smart Sushi restaurant in Ginza for a delicious dinner, but outside on the street afterwards, we're not sure what to do. For some reason, boyfriend T always seems very interested in my sexual history, so when I suggest that we go over to the gay district he readily agrees. We catch a Marunouchi line subway train, and a short while later we arrive at Shinjuku-sanchōme. Navigating our way through the maze of tunnels leading to different exits, we finally manage to locate the staircase in the BYGS building and emerge up onto the street above.

We take a short walk and soon we're getting close to GB bar, which is perhaps the best known gay bar in Tokyo for foreigners like me.

"Those are the steps where the young Japanese guys used to sit and wait," I say, "pretending that they were just hanging out with each other, when in reality they were waiting to try and pick up gaijin like me!"

I feel slightly disappointed that tonight the steps are deserted. Opposite the steps, we head down to the basement, "And this", I continue, "is GB bar!"

Once inside, Boyfriend T looks round carefully. There are maybe twenty or so guys in the bar, but it's less crowded than I remember it.

"It's not as seedy as I expected!" says boyfriend T smiling. "How many guys did you pick up here?"

"Just a chubby fashion designer on one occasion," I answer truthfully, "I had much more luck on the street outside!"

We buy a couple of beers and settle down on two of the stools by the wall.

"It's also quite small, isn't it," remarks boyfriend T.

"And a bit smoky too :-(," I reply, "Living in London, I've forgotten what it's like to go into a bar where smoking is allowed."

For a while we look around at the other customers, trying to decide who the most shaggable guy is, apart from ourselves of course! A little later, some stools at the bar itself become available, so we move across to occupy them and get a better view of what's going on.

"Happy New Year everyone :-)," says a loud voice on our left suddenly, speaking to the whole bar in an unmistakable American accent.

A few guys look up and smile at the new arrival, who seems to be relatively well known. He takes a seat next to boyfriend T and orders a drink.

"I'm F," he says, smiling at boyfriend T, "and you are ... ?"

"I'm T," says boyfriend T smiling back.

"And I'm GB," I say, butting into their conversation and trying to make sure that F understands that me and boyfriend T know each other.

"Ahhh, are the two of you boyfriends?"

"Um, yes we are :-)," replies boyfriend T, smiling coyly at me.

"I've got a husband too," says F cheerfully, "but he's out of the country sunning himself at the moment, lucky devil!"

We strike up a conversation with F, who turns out to be a very friendly guy. After a short while he offers to buy us both a drink and it seems rude to refuse. Bizarrely, F seems happy to talk about even the most intimate details of his relationship with relative strangers like me and boyfriend T.

"How long have you guys been together?" F asks me and boyfriend T after a while.

"Over 18 months now," I reply, "how long have you been with your man?"

"Almost 10 years :-)," replies F, smiling, "but we switch it around a bit, to try and keep it fresh."

"How do you mean?" asks boyfriend T.

"Well, for the first few years I used to Top him relentlessly!" answers F, "but now I'll often take that role. Actually I really enjoy Bottoming for him now :-)."

"So are the two of you monogamous?" I ask.

"Yeah, but I don't think it's hard to be monogamous if your boyfriend is everything you want."

"And my boyfriend is exactly what I want," continues F, "I love his body, and love his cock. He's got a GREAT cock! It makes me choke when I give him oral, but that's EXACTLY what I want. No one wants a cock you can control, none of us want that do we?"

At this comment, boyfriend T starts laughing slightly, and I find myself getting caught up in the situation and laughing as well.

"No," continues F, laughing too, "what we all want is a huge uncontrollable monster of a cock! A cock that makes us gag, a cock that's got a mind of its own, a cock that forces itself on us and enslaves us to pander to its every whim :-)!!"

F is clearly very much the extrovert. The conversation continues for a while in much the same vein, during which time we manage to return the favour and buy F a drink, but eventually it seems like time to go.

Outside, the steps opposite the bar are still empty, but I doesn't matter to me any more. It's been good fun taking boyfriend T to GB bar, but more importantly, the conversation with F has reminded me of one simple fact. It's reminded me how much I love boyfriend T, because putting it simply, boyfriend T is everything that I want :-).

Christmas charity donations

For the last three years, I've asked readers to give me suggestions for Christmas charity donations (see 2007, 2008, 2009). This year an excess of £2k has built up in my account with the Charities Aid Foundation, so it's time to give it away to good causes. All suggestions welcome, the only condition is that the beneficiaries have to be registered UK charities :-).

Sex, Sexualities and the Law

A reader wanted me to publicise this event which is being held on Friday:

Experiencing the Law 2010
Sex, Sexualities and the Law
Changing attitudes or perpetuating stereotypes?

03 December 2010, 10:00 - 17:45
Event Type: Conference / Symposium

Click here for more details

Friends and lovers

"You know your colleague P and his boyfriend D?" starts boyfriend T, while we're travelling back home a couple of days ago.

"Uh huh?" I reply, not paying much attention.

"If you had to sleep with one of them, which one would you choose?"

Boyfriend T often want to probe my sexual history and attitudes, so his question doesn't seem unusual.

"I guess I'd choose D," I answer without thinking too much, "after all, he's been wanting to get to know me better for ages!"

"Which one would you choose?" I continue, mildly curious to know the answer.

"You can ask me in a minute :-)," replies boyfriend T decisively, "let me finish first! Now, what about HBH and his boyfriend C?"

Gradually, boyfriend T runs through all the gay couples that we know, asking me who I'd sleep with.

"You're quite predictable!" boyfriend T tells me when he's run out of gay couples to ask me about, "I could have guessed a lot of those answers :-)."

"But what about you?" I reply, smiling back at him, "I bet I can guess too! Let's start again with my colleague P and his boyfriend D?"

"I'd choose GB!" answers boyfriend T, with an impish grin on his face.

"No you can't choose me, you have to choose either P or D!" I insist, sensing that I'm not going to get the answers I want.

"Well if I can't have GB then I'll be a monk!!" he replies, "because I can't lower my standards :-)."

Although I'm mildly disappointed that boyfriend T won't play the game too, I can't complain too much because he's got such an excellent excuse!

Impressed

I accidentally stumbled upon a recent ruling from the UK supreme court today. In an appeal case relating to whether to grant political asylum to two gay men, one from Iran and one from Cameroon, freedom for men to live their lives in different ways was illustrated as follows:

Just as male heterosexuals are free to enjoy themselves playing rugby, drinking beer and talking about girls with their mates, so male homosexuals are to be free to enjoy themselves going to Kylie concerts, drinking exotically coloured cocktails and talking about boys with their straight female mates.

Until I read that, I had no idea that the judges who preside in the UK's supreme court had such a strong grip on the way gay men lead their lives :-).

An imposter!

A couple of days ago, I went out for supper to catch up with Close Encounters. I hadn't seen him since April, so last Friday we agreed to have supper together in a smart restaurant with a good wine list in central London :-).

"So how were your holidays?" I ask him, once we've handed our bags and umbrellas to the cute cloakroom attendant.

I get an answer to the question once we've made our way to the bar for a little pre-prandial cocktail, and given our order to the bartender.

"My holiday was pretty good :-), although I was only able to get away for a week," he replies, making himself comfy on the bar stool, and with a tone in his voice that suggests he wishes that he could have been away for longer.

"And what about men?" I giggle, keeping my voice down so that the bartender can't hear, "What were the natives like!"

"Actually I did manage to hook up while I was away :-)," he says with a cheeky grin on his face.

We talk a bit about the country that he visited, and end up chatting so much that the maître d' invites us to move to our table for dinner before we've finished our cocktails.

Later in the evening, the conversation inevitably wanders back towards our favourite subject.

"You're not on Grindr yet are you, GB?" asks Close Encounters.

"No, that's only available on the iPhone isn't it?" I answer swiftly, "I don't use the iPhone because I hate Apple! Anyway, why do you ask?"

"So it's not you then," replies Close Encounters, "I didn't think so!"

"What's not me?"

"There's a guy on Grindr who called himself 'The Gay Banker'," answers Close Encounters, "so I contacted him online to ask him if he knew that there was a blog of that name."

"Really? What did he say??"

"He said he knew about it, and even read it sometimes! And now I think the same guy has renamed his profile to 'Gay Banker', just like your blog!!"

"What a cheek!" I laugh, "If there's going to be someone known as 'Gay Banker' in cyberspace it should be ME, after all, I've had my blog for years now."

"Never mind, I'm sure that the imposter isn't as good at, um, activities as the real GB!"

The following day, Close Encounters sends me a pic of the 'Gay Banker' Grindr profile, which can be seen above. It seems strange that he hasn't posted a photo of himself like most Grindr users do, so he does seem to be associating himself with me because I keep my identity private as well. Now that I've thought about the situation a bit more, I've decided that it's a good thing. It's a well worn phrase, but I think it's true, "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" :-).

Indisputable proof that god does not exist

While we were in Fire Island recently, me and boyfriend T met up with my female Mexican friend N, who happened to be there at the same time with some of her girlfriends. It was good to see her again, and for a couple of lazy hours, we sit by the public swimming pool in Fire Island Pines, all drinking cocktails together.

"So what have you been up to recently," I ask, keen to know her news.

"Well, I'm finally divorced from that no good EX-husband of mine :-)," she says proudly. "I forced him to admit that it was his fault too, which it SO was. Now that we're legally divorced, I can move on properly!"

We chat a bit about the details, and about what she's been up to, but eventually the subject inevitably turns to men.

"Just LOOK at all these beautiful men around here!" says N loudly to everyone, glancing around at all the fit gay guys in their designer swimwear.

"I tell you," she continues, "this REALLY proves to me that there is no God!"

"How come?" asks boyfriend T, not sure what she's getting at.

"All these perfect gorgeous gym-toned male bodies make me moist, but I know where I am. NONE of them want to fuck me! A fair God wouldn't let that happen!!"

We all burst out laughing, and of feeling of euphoria sweeps over me. Ever since I was a little boy I've wondered whether there was a god or not, so I feel elated to finally know the answer :-).

Soft boy

A few days ago, I came across a diary that I'd written when I was only 10 years old. That was way before we all had computers, so naturally the diary was hand written.

In some ways, writing a diary is similar to keeping a blog up to date. One has to do it regularly, or there's no point. So perhaps the practice that I got all those years ago writing my little diary was early training to be a blogger!

Looking through my old diary, I found deciphering my appalling young hand-writing quite hard. But eventually I came across an entry that made me laugh:

SCHOOL. It started today. I went to sea all my friends again. We had a new boy his name is Michel. His eyes looked red and I think he is a Soft boy.

Apart from the fact that I can't spell "see", I obviously thought that I was a Tough Boy rather than a Soft Boy, whatever that meant to my young mind LOL! Luckily I've mellowed a bit since then. I don't think I'd have got many Dear GB emails if I'd maintained that attitude to people who need a little bit of help.

When I showed the diary entry to boyfriend T, I also told him that I could remember being at that school, and being very interested in looking at the other boys when they were naked in the showers after sport. But I didn't know why I was interested. Once he'd heard that, he decided that it must have been me who was the Soft Boy after all!

Did any other readers keep diaries when they were children? If so, can anyone let us know what they were writing about when they were around 10 years old?

The Operation

A few days ago, I went out for lunch with Christine, who's the male to female transgender lesbian that I used to work with. As I walk to the restaurant, I start wondering whether I'll recognise her, because the last time I met her was in the late 1990's when she was a man. But more than that, there's another question on my mind. Has she actually had The Operation and had her bits removed? I'd love to know the answer to that, the only problem is that it feels like quite a rude question to ask!

"Hi, I've got a reservation, the name's GB," I say to the restaurant staff on arrival.

"That's fine," replies the polite maître d', "your guest has already arrived :-)."

As I walk with him to the table, I struggle to see if I can spot Christine before she sees me. But all the tables seem to have two or more people at them, or people who couldn't possibly be her. Suddenly though, we walk around one of the restaurant's large flower arrangements and there she is, and just about recognisable after all.

"Hi," I say to her as I sit down at the table, "it's good to see you again :-). But, um, this does seem a bit strange ..."

"That's OK," she replies in quite a soft voice, "I'm sure you'll get used to it :-)."

Overall, I'm impressed with the transformation. Although on close inspection it is possible to tell that she used to be a man, her face does look feminine. She has quite straight and long hair with a light golden colour, but given her age, I can't help thinking that it must have been dyed that colour.

We start chatting, and gradually, she tells me her story. She'd known since she was a young boy that she should have been a woman. In her early 20's, she said that she almost jumped off a cliff in despair, when she thought that it would never be possible for her to live as a woman. For her banking career and marriage to her wife, she'd managed to put all her gender issues aside, and for a while she thought that she wouldn't have to worry about those issues any more. But eventually, partly as a result of marital problems with her wife, she realised that she'd have to confront and solve the problem.

"Well you do look good," I tell her, "just about recognisable, but much much more feminine!"

"Thank you :-)," she replies, still speaking softly, "You probably don't know the details about how men have a different bone structure to women. For example, I had to have surgery to make my jaw less square."

"Wow, sounds very painful."

"Yes, it was! But thank goodness that everything is over with now :-)."

"So you really have had ALL the surgery then?" I ask, seizing the opportunity. I glance down from her face to her plate in front of her on the table and back to her face again, just to make sure she knows what question I'm trying to ask.

"Oh yes, I had the lower surgery too," she says, with a big smile on her face.

"Wow, how was that?"

"I wasn't prepared for the result," she replies, obviously quite happy to discuss the subject, "It was amazing, because I felt completely re-born. I was crying for two weeks afterwards, tears of joy! I didn't expect to feel that way."

I also didn't expect to hear that answer. I definitely enjoy that part of my anatomy, so hearing how wonderful it was for someone to have it all cut off is difficult to understand.

"The only problem now," she continues, "is my teenage children. I feel like a teenager again which is wonderful for me, but I think my children are finding it hard to accept the changes."

"I can understand some of that," I say, "because I also felt like a teenager again when I came out as gay during my 20's."

Finding out how Chris turned into Christine was absolutely fascinating. However, the one subject that I didn't manage to broach was the fact that she put in one of her emails to me that she now regards herself as a gay woman. Maybe we'll get around to discussing that the next time we meet :-).

Perverted gay practices at Cambridge University

Earlier today, a reader sent me a link to this fascinating interview with gay British Historian David Starkey, which was conducted by The Daily Telegraph newspaper a couple of years ago. My favourite quote in this interview relates to when Starkey was talking about gay life as he knew it when he was at Cambridge University. Starkey said:

'... and there was a strange kind of university subculture on the more extreme fringes of the gay scene which operated on the principle of the higher the intelligence, the more perverted the practice.'

As soon as I read that, I immediately thought of the quote by French philosopher René Descartes who lived 400 years ago. Back then, Descartes said:

The greatest minds are capable of the greatest vices as well as of the greatest virtues.

So I guess not much has changed since Descartes time!

In connection with gay Cambridge guys, early last year a reader who called himself 'bristolgrad' left a comment on one of my posts about dating in which he said:

I'm in my 20s, and I have dated three Cantabrigians, all three of whom turned out to be complete weirdos. Three is obviously not big enough a sample size but sufficient to raise questions in my head. The first slept with probably half of East Anglia. I have casual sex too but this guy takes it to a whole different level. The second was gorgeous and intelligent but was very brusque and rude and the third thought he had the world at his feet and small grammatical errors would trigger very queeny fits of indignation.

Bristolgrad's comment just makes me wish that Starkey had gone into a little bit of detail about exactly what practices the higher intelligences of Cambridge university enjoyed!

Do any readers have any experience in dating Cambridge guys? Or guys from any other other well known universities?

A few LGBT surprises

A few days ago, I get an invite on the business connections network Linked-in to add someone called Christine to my list of contacts. I don't really use Linked-in much, but I always accept connection invites from people I know. This invite is a bit of a surprise, though, because I can't think of anyone called Christine who would want to connect with me. However, when I open the email that accompanies the invite, I get an even bigger surprise:

Hello GB,

I wondered what you were up to these days. I have changed my name since we last met - and everything that goes with it. Do you fancy meeting in London for a coffee sometime?

Best wishes - Christine (you knew me as Chris)

I feel absolutely astounded because I immediately realise that I used to work with this person in the early 1990's. He used to be a trader, and certainly not someone who I'd ever have thought would want to have his bits cut off. Checking Christine's profile on Linked-in, I see a picture of a woman that could very easily be the new him, and what looks exactly like the career history of the person that I knew as Chris. The invite is obviously genuine so I clearly can't refuse. I accept Christine's invitation to be in my in contact list and send her a supporting email:

Hi Christine,

It was a real surprise to get your linked-in invitation this morning, partly because I don’t think we’ve met since the 1990's, and partly because I haven’t met many transgender people. When we worked together, I recall that you seemed to be very close to your wife, so I certainly didn't expect your news. I presume that you’re no longer married, so I hope the transition wasn’t too difficult. On my side I think a lot of people that I’ve worked with in the financial markets know that I’m gay, and although I split up with the boyfriend that I had since 1989 a couple of years ago, I’ve got a new boyfriend now :-).

Best wishes, GB

However, the next day, her response genuinely shocks me:

Hi GB,

Actually I am still technically married. My spouse and I live entirely separate lives but from the same house where we share the children. I regard myself as a gay woman ...

As soon as I read that last line, I have to stop reading to try and let the information sink in. All I can think of is the episode "D-Yikes!" from South Park series 11 episode, where the male to female transgender character Janet Garrison decides that she's really a lesbian. Eventually I manage to read the rest of Christine's email, where again she suggests that we meet up for coffee, so I send a reply to accept her offer. However, although I try to compose a response to the fact that she now regards herself as a gay woman, I'm at a complete loss in terms of what to say. In the end, I decide not to mention it at all, because I have no idea what an appropriate comment would be.

I often share interesting emails that I receive from friends or whoever with boyfriend T, so I forward Christine's email to him, and tell him how shocked I am by her latest revelation. To my further surprise, his reply is very sympathetic to her situation:

Wow, this is a really interesting story. You should be kind to her, because can you imagine what a tough life she's had? Don't let her know how surprised you were, and that you think that she might be a bit weird! One thing I really admire about this country is that people tend to accept diversities like this, which are really not welcome in my home country.

I suppose boyfriend T is right. However, when I think back to when I knew Christine as Chris, there was always something a bit attention-seeking about his behaviour. But even if someone has an attention-seeking behaviour disorder, surely they wouldn't go this far just to get their kicks?

Human frailties

A few months ago, the bank that I work for entertained a large group of clients at a London theatre. The bank paid for a lot of the best seats in the theatre, invited various clients to attend, and then after the show they hired a smart restaurant nearby for dinner. Although I'm not usually involved in client entertainment, I went along at the last minute to make up the numbers when a sales colleague was unable to attend.

The show was good, but the dinner afterwards was fascinating because it turned out that the actors from the play had also been invited to dinner. As a result, rather that entertaining the bank's clients, I found myself chatting to a young actor in his mid 20's who was seated on my right.

"I really liked the play :-)," I say to him, as an easy way of starting the conversation.

"Thanks," he replies smiling coyly at me, "I'm glad that you enjoyed it :-)."

We chat a bit about the play, and how he got into acting. He mentions women a lot, so presumbaly he's straight, but nonetheless a little later the conversation becomes interesting for other reasons.

"It can be quite difficult being an actor," he says, "because one can't always find work."

"I guess you have to take part time jobs then," I reply, "while you look for acting jobs in your spare time?"

"Yes, but when I'm not working, I REALLY miss the excitement of being on stage, and the buzz that one gets from the audience!"

"I'd never thought about that side of things," I admit. "I suppose that's an extra incentive to find acting work."

"Yeah, but sometimes I'll need to find other ways to get the buzz. For example, I love spending all night in a casino. If I'm on a winning streak, it's almost better than being on stage!"

I'm always fascinated by human frailties like this. In my case, although I enjoy gambling, drinking, and even drugs, I guess I'm lucky that I'm not addicted to any of them. However, long time readers of this blog will know what my weakness is. I'm definitely addicted to men!

A philosophical evening

A few days ago, I went out for dinner with blogger J.P. Rügnitz, who writes the blog A-Philosophical (Here: in my world. He'd been emailing me on and off for a few years, and then last year when he moved to London I did a "Dear GB" posting for him, to try and give him ideas about how to find a good job. But until we went out for dinner together, I'd never met him.

"Hi, are you J.P. ?" I ask, getting up from my seat in the restaurant bar when I see a likely looking guy coming towards me, "did you find this place OK?"

"Yeah, but I had no idea who you were or what you looked like!" answers J.P., clearly feeling that I should have given him a few more clues about myself prior to our rendezvous.

"Sorry about that," I reply, "but now you're here, why don't you go and put your coat in the cloakroom :-)."

I don't normally meet people who know that I write this blog, although I do sometimes make exceptions for established bloggers, like J.P. for example. But given my desire to stay anonymous, even when it comes to meeting established bloggers I always try to hang on to my anonymity until the last possible minute!

We have a drink at the bar, and then after fifteen minutes or so when we've finished our drinks, we move to our table for dinner.

"So why is your blog called A-Philosophical?" I ask once we're seated at our table, "I've never been able to work that one out!"

"It because I studied philosophy at university :-)," answers J.P., "Western philosophy, that is."

During the course of the evening we discover many things about each other. Even though J.P. is still under 30, he's already had an interesting life. Apart from Uruguay, he's lived in the USA, Spain, and now London, picking up and then discarding several lovers along the way!

All too soon it's time to go home. J.P. has a party to go to, and I have a busy day ahead of me the following day so we have to adjourn. One of the things that I like about living in London is the fact that it's such a melting-pot. The more fascinating guys like J.P. who live here, the better!

Angry

I simply can't believe that it's happened again :-(. Three years after Lord Browne resigned as the chief executive of BP for lying about his gay private life, another stupid gay guy ends up resigning for a similar reason. This time it's Liberal Democrat politician David Laws who's resigned, all because he claimed expenses for renting a room in his partner's house. I'm not saying that he was wrong to resign, I'm sure that it's the right decision given that what he did is against the rules. But why did he pretend to himself that he wasn't in a gay relationship with his partner James Lundie? There are enough stupid people in the world! Someone like David Laws, who used to be an investment banker, really should know better. It really makes me ANGRY!

Lunch with a collegue

Last month, a colleague who I don't know sent me an email as follows:

Hi GB,

I went out for a drink after work with P recently, and he told me that you're gay. I'm gay too, but I sometimes find it hard to be myself because my immediate colleagues here on the trading floor all seem so straight. Perhaps we could go out for lunch or drinks sometime? We could share our experiences about being gay in the banking world.

Best wishes,

H

I immediately ask my colleague P about H, and when he tells me that H is a nice guy, I reply to his email offering to go out for lunch with him the following week.

On the day, we end up meeting in the restaurant shortly after midday. We get on well together, and we end up talking about a huge variety of topics. We talk about the bank that we both work for, gay life, our boyfriends of course, as well as many other things.

Towards the end of the meal, I ask him a question that had been on my mind since I got his email.

"So why did you want to meet me for lunch? It's always nice to meet new guys, but it was a bit of a surprise to get your email."

"Do you want the direct answer, the official answer, the simple answer, or ..." replies H with a cheeky glint in his eye.

"Oh I think we'd better have the direct answer!" I say bluntly, "I always prefer the truth :-)."

"Well, there were two reasons actually :-)," he replies. "Firstly it's because I've seen you on the trading floor, and you don't seem to have any problem being gay and interacting with all your straight colleagues, so I thought that it would be interesting to meet you."

"Sure, and it's been interesting to meet you too :-)."

"And secondly," he continues, looking me directly in the eye now, "I think you're a very attractive guy."

I start smiling now, but inside I'm completely taken aback by what he's just said.

"Wow, thanks for the compliment :-)," I answer, trying not to disclose my surprise, "but I bet you say that to all the boys!"

Is this guy trying to chat me up? We continue talking, and when its time to get the bill, he insists on paying. We walk back to the bank together, and when it's time to say goodbye, he squeezes my arm slightly in a very friendly way.

"Let's see each other again, perhaps for drinks after work or something :-)," he says, again looking me directly in the eye.

"Um, yes sure :-)," I answer, "it's been fun!"

Walking back to my desk however, I can't help thinking that if we do meet up for a drink after work, I'll need to be careful. Judging from his behaviour, he's definitely the kind of guy that likes to get a girl drunk so that he can have his wicked way with her!