National Masturbation Month

UK referendum on the Alternative Vote system

The arguments for "Yes" in the UK referendum on the Alternative Vote system are much less stupid and the arguments for "No", which frankly insult my intelligence :-(. Even worse are the hypocritical arguments of the conservative and labour parties for a No vote, when they use the Alternative Vote system to elect their own leaders!

Contacting me

I've been asked by a few of you how you can email me. Well if you go to my profile you'll find my email there. Its a link to a new email account as I've just about given up trying to get me old one re-instated by Hotmail.

National Masturbation Month

National Masturbation Month started on 1 May 2011.

Good Vibrations, a San Francisco sex toy and education business, began National Masturbation Month in 1995. Earlier that year, US Surgeon General Dr. Joycelyn Elders was fired for saying masturbation should be discussed as part of young peoples' sex education. That was the end of her career, but the beginning of National Masturbation Month. Offended by Elders' ouster, Good Vibrations decided this was a good way to keep up the conversation about Elders's unjust firing and prompt people talk about masturbation.

Among the first steps taken by Good Vibrations was to promote masturbation as a healthy, safe and natural way to express one's sexuality. That’s because many people still feel guilty about it, or feel it's a second-best substitute for real sex. The company wants people to feel better about what they’re doing. And for those who aren’t, they hope to encourage people to do it and not feel bad about it.

You’re not alone if you masturbate. It’s the most popular and most frequently engaged in sexual activity around the world. In fact, many sexual health educators often refer to it as one of the cornerstones of sexual health. Studies show masturbation has documented emotional, physical and psychological benefits.

A royal wedding party

"So," I ask, smiling cheekily at the three guys that I'm chatting to, "are you all homosexuals?"

I'm at a Royal Wedding party that's being hosted by my colleague P and his boyfriend D. Outside on the balcony, and slightly away from the main party, I'm chatting to D and two of his friends who're called S and G.

"We're all gay, GB!" answers D, laughing at my use of the rather clinical word 'homosexual'.

"Are you a 'homosexual' then?" asks S, who's the youngest guy in the group. S has a slightly irritated tone in his voice.

"Yes of course!" I answer casually, "In case you're in any doubt, that's my boyfriend over there :-)."

I point inside, through the balcony windows, to boyfriend T who's talking to my colleague P.

"Actually I'm Bi," says S, "I like both men and women :-)."

On hearing this, both D and G shakes their heads, laughing in protest.

"I think he means that he likes both cock AND dick!" says G with a big grin on his face.

"But I slept with a woman a couple of months ago," replies S indignantly.

"What about that Irish guy you told us about last week?" asks D.

"And wasn't it a Polish guy the week before that?" asks G.

"If you must know, I slept with my female cousin!" answers S, without denying either the Irish or the Polish guy, "It was OK with her, but I'm interested in men as well."

"What was her pussy like then?" I ask, mildly curious to know how far S went with his cousin.

"Actually she was clean," says S with a matter of fact tone in his voice, "She didn't taste of fish or anything like that."

"Urrgh S," says D with a grimace on his face, "you didn't actually ..."

"Well I thought she'd suck me off, so I started by doing it for her, but actually she wasn't up for that."

"Anyway," continues S, "I don't have a problem with gay or straight. In fact my father's gay."

This isn't news to D or G, but I'm taken aback by the statement.

"Wow," I reply, "I didn't expect you to say that!"

As S starts to tell me a bit about his background, the other two guys walk off the balcony and inside the apartment to refill their Champagne glasses. After a few minutes I notice that S's hand has very slowly moved up against mine on the balcony rail that we're both holding. I glance at him quickly, before moving my hand slightly away from his.

"So," starts S suggestively, catching my eye, "do you like young boys?"

Of course I most definitely do NOT like young boys, but in fact S is clearly referring to himself.

"Not too young," I say laughing, "I don't know about you, but I like my guys to be fully developed :-)".

"Well indeed," he says, looking me in the eye again, and then looking me up and down, "Actually, I've been trying to work out how, um, big you are from the size of your fingers :-)."

Although S is an attractive guy, I've been happily loyal to boyfriend T for well over a year now, ever since I got back from Thailand at the start of 2010.

"Thanks :-)," I reply to S, "but as I said, my boyfriend is next door, have you met him yet?"

Just then, D comes back out onto the balcony to rejoin the conversation, Champagne bottle in one hand and a full glass in the other.

"Have you seen my boyfriend around?" I ask D, wondering whether I should introduce S to boyfriend T, or whether that'll simply encourage S to push for a threesome. But before D can answer, S makes his excuses and moves back inside the apartment, looking mildly upset that I seem impervious to his boyish charms.

"Just now," I whisper quietly to D, "S was trying to chat me up!"

"Doesn't surprise me," replies D, refilling my glass, "Ever since he arrived in London, S has been with one guy after another. And if you believe what he said earlier, he's been with girls too!"

"Actually, although S doesn't know it," continues D, "I slept with his father before I came to London, and ..."

On hearing this I collapse into almost hysterical laughter. I feel like I'm living in some hyper-gay world, where everyone has some kind of sexual connection to everyone else, and nothing is quite what it seems. I'm about to ask D whether, in his experience, S or S's father is better in bed when a couple of other guys come out onto the balcony to see why I'm laughing so much.

"What's so funny, GB?" asks one of them.

Before I can answer, D has diplomatically changed the subject and a semblance of normality manages to assert itself. No doubt S's mother has some unusual sexual connection to G or perhaps even with boyfriend T, but discovering exactly what that connection is will have to wait!

Before and After

Yes, we'd really like to know how old you and Kim are

Well, I'm now 37 and Kim is 35.

Ask me anything