Robaires.com: Be Who You Want to Be

Last month, I published a 'Dear GB' email from a gay American navy veteran called Robaire Watson. Last night, Robaire emailed me to say that he now has his own blog: robaires.com. Although there's only one post at the moment, a copy of the same article that I linked to from my post last month, I'm sure more will follow :-).

A nice video

I first watched this film a couple of years and have just come across it again. I like it as it has both straight and gay sex!

Shower

Am I making it all up?

Last week, I was shocked when I realised that a guy called Michael, who left a comment on my post last Monday, didn't believe that the story was true. So I'm left wondering to what extent readers believe the stories that I write about my life? To find out, I've decided to conduct a poll as follows:

Question: Are the stories that GB writes about his life true or untrue?

Possible answers:
Gospel truth: all GB's stories are true in every detail and I can't believe anyone would think otherwise!
Mostly true: GB's stories are basically true, however minor details may have been changed to protect everyone's anonymity.
True and untrue: GB mixes and matches, so some stories are mostly true and some stores are mostly untrue.
Mostly untrue: GB uses his vivid imagination to construct all the stories out of minor incidents in his life!
Complete fiction: GB probably isn't a banker and not gay either!!

The poll can be found at the top of my side-bar on the right-hand side. Please vote :-). I'm keen to understand the people who read my blog!

By the sea

Email from a broken-hearted gay guy

A couple of weeks ago, a reader sent me the following email:

Dear GB,

I'm trying to get over a relationship I had with a guy that started in March this year. It will soon have been four months since we broke off, and while I've willed my flesh to move on, my spirit is still broken.

I've dated, watched movies and had meals with perfectly respectable men whom I find savagely attractive... only to find that beneath the physique there isn't anything that comes even close to the level of affinity I felt for him. I've went to 4 saunas in Hong Kong, 1 in Shanghai, 3 in Taipei and messed around in mass orgies in steamrooms, in hot water tubs and in open view in front of tons of other men... yet I still picture him over me and inside me when I'm getting fucked.

I've come to the realization of just how messed up I am right now. I'm still in love with a man who unceremoniously ended communication when his on-again-off-again ex called. I'm still in love with the man who swept me off my feet after two months of intense dating, phone calls and lovey dovey nicknames. I'm still imagining falling asleep in his arms when I am alone in bed. At night, I end up listening to sad Jay Chou songs over and over... the moment I hear Josh Groban sing "You Raise Me Up" I tear uncontrollably if I'm in private.

I've grown impatient and can't be bothered with others. I have friends in church, from school, from work. But when I'm out with them I find it so strange that I feel as if it's such hard work being friends and such a chore to make conversation. In some sick way I miss the effortlessness that we had, I miss the fluid flow of offhand remarks that just came out of thin air. The cheeky humor, the sarcastic one liners, the words that were dense with playful loaded meanings. It was a living sitcom and I relished it. I actually felt alive.

With him, everything changed. For the first time I felt a clear direction in finding what to do after graduation. For the first time I found the endurance to outperform my peers. For the first time I found myself being more detailed, being able to see things in multiple perspectives. For the first time I could wing presentations and still do well. For the first time I didn't care if strangers discovered our covert displays of affection. For the first time, I could lift more at the gym and actually upped my bear quotient. For the first time my relationship with my parents improved... and for the first time I could see real goals for myself five years down the road.

Suddenly the standards of which I used to judge if I clicked with people just changed, and in the absence of his presence in my life I have started to fling about wildly, unrealistically expecting to find the same level of synchronization with my friends. Bless them for their patience.

What do I do now? It's been nearly four months since he removed himself from my life. I've hardly seen him since, and he never calls. We say we'll meet up, yet it's always me calling him. I just want to move on now. I just want to forget and go back to being that guy I was. Yet I can never bring myself to delete him from my life. I'd never forgive myself if I did.

I guess I wish I could just find a way to see the world the way I used to see it before he came into my life. I feel as if I had on a veil of innocence that is now torn away.

Regards

This email arrived with the title "How do I go back seeing the world as it was?", and having thought about it a bit, I ended up sending a reply which included the following paragraph:

As a brief thought which you may find helpful, I think your desire to go back seeing the world as it was is misjudged. Your email describes lots of good things that happened to you while you were briefly with your boyfriend, in terms of your confidence, outlook, your relationship with your family etc. So I'm sure there are lots of valuable things you can learn from the experience, and perhaps even recapture some of the positive things even though you don't have that boyfriend any more, now that you know you have it in you to feel and behave that way.

A day later, I received his reply:

Thanks for taking the time to read through my email, I appreciate it that you take the effort to think through some of the issues that a random person like myself just emailed you out of the blue.

Certainly when we were together many good things happened in my life. Can I attribute these things to him being in my life at that point? No. Can I be sure that those good things happened because of my own efforts? No. Do I have it in me to behave and think in that same manner? Yes, I think I discovered untapped energies when we were together.

But am I happier? No. I want to just go back to being happy. Even though I didn't outperform my peers, I did well enough to sail through. Even though I didn't lift as much in the gym, I didn't feel any frustration. I'd give it up to be that happy goer again.

I'm kinda confused and frustrated at myself. Maybe I'm just too used to being miserable now. I want to move on, but I forcing myself to be positive is just so tiring and I'm honestly worn out after several months. I thought I'd slowly accept it and be able to move on naturally, but now it's soon going to be half a year that I've mellowed and cried over a two month relationship that just frankly makes me seem like an utter emotional wreck and basket case.

Please let me know what you think.

The passage of time is usually the cure for a broken heart. However I've heard of a rule of thumb that suggests that it typically takes about half the amount of time that you're involved with someone to get over the end of the relationship. This poor reader is clearly way past that amount of time, so he must have been very deeply in love with the guy, even though they were only together for a couple of months.

Apparently it was Nietzsche who said "That which does not kill us makes us stronger", and as I said in my original reply, it's important for the reader to learn from this experience and to build on the positive things that happened while he was together with this guy. The reader clearly has an amazing capacity to love, so it will be a lucky guy who ends up being this reader's boyfriend.

My guess is that when he met the guy, for some reason the reader was particularly susceptible to the situation that he now finds himself in. Perhaps he'd been looking for a boyfriend for a long time and had almost given up hope of ever finding one, perhaps he'd recently lost someone important in his life and subconsciously saw the guy as a replacement for whoever it was? It's hard to guess, but since his reaction to the end of the short relationship has been so severe, it might be a symptom of something else. If so, it would be worth trying to work out what that 'something else' is. A better understanding of why he feels like he does would be a big help for the reader in terms of moving forward in his life.

Whatever the cause, the reader must try and focus on the future rather than the past. Given the way he currently feels, I don't think he's ready to go looking for another boyfriend just yet. Instead, I reckon he should find other personal development goals to focus on, and work at appreciating himself as an individual.

However, when he is ready for a relationship he needs to proceed carefully. Fellow London blogger Kenski left an exceptionally useful comment on a recent post of mine, when he said:

Simple old truth: if you go out looking for love you'll never find it. The number of times I've seen people go out to 'find a boyfriend'... (almost) always ends in disaster. That kind of search is basically egocentric and selfish. You're out there looking because it's something *you* want to have or because you have so much love that *you* want to give to someone. It's rarely about the other person. It's all about you.

Given that the reader feels a big hole in his life without his ex-boyfriend, it strikes me that the reader might well be the kind of guy that this applies to. So he'll need to be careful to take any new relationship slowly, not to expect everything from the start, and not to be too clingy which is very unattractive.

One last thought is that it's the journey through life which needs to be enjoyable rather than the destination. When someone has reached their destination, i.e. fulfilled all their goals, then what next? So when the reader starts focusing on the future, he should understand that the path to achieving the goals that he sets himself is just as important as reaching them. The example that I'm thinking of here is the goal to find a boyfriend.

Perhaps some other readers have also had problems recovering from past relationships, in which case it would be good if they could leave comments describing what worked for them. But as usual, all comments and advice welcome :-).

Hot teens go at it

SweatBox Soho

August 1st saw the launch of Soho's newest gym and sauna, SweatBox, which promises to be London's sexiest and most stylish.

SweatBox Soho Gym offers you the opportunity to workout in sexy and breathtakingly stylish surroundings, unlike anything seen before, being 100% focused on the fitness requirements of their exclusive gay clientele and the male body. To help you achieve your goals quicker and easier, SweatBox Soho boasts state-of-the-art equipment including the ultra-robust NASA developed Vibration Plates, combined with a large free weights room and friendly personal attention by our fitness team.

Available to both gym members and non-gym members alike, the spa's stunning steam rooms, Turkish style hot rooms and sumptuous spa pool make this the place to see and be seen.

Buff Spa is London's most stylish and exclusive space for the Homo Superior to relax, unwind and indulge. Buff Spa offers treatments for the Homo Superior to indulge in luxurious surroundings, restore and feel completely at ease. A full range of massages, body and facial treatments are available in their wet and dry treatment rooms, using the latest techniques from our trained experienced and friendly Spa team.

The smart venue on Ramillies Street boasts:
• Ibiza-style foam parties
• 40-man steam room with bucket shower
• 30-man steam room with foam cannon
• 14-man custom jacuzzi
• 2 Turkish-style dry hot rooms
• 2 cinema rooms with 42" plasma-screen TVs
• Large chill-out lounge
and a labyrinth of rest rooms

As well as treatments including:
• Massages
• Body scrubs
• Hot stone therapy

SweatBox Soho opens on Friday August 1st and is open daily from 2pm until late at 1-2 Ramilles Street, Soho W1F 7LN.

Entry: Concession (under 25s) £10.00, Standard Entry £15.00, Day Pass £20.00

Has anyone been yet? Post a comment if you have and let us know what its like.

3-sum

Hot 3-sum

Trouvez plus de vidéos comme celle-ci sur

Man Bar closing

So it looks like Man Bar is closing and relocating across the River Thames to Vault139. I enjoyed my couple of visits to Man Bar for some naked cruising and look forward to visiting its new home. Has anyone been yet? If you have, post a comment letting us know what its like.

Such naughtiness!

Last week, the evening before I posted my thoughts about how gay guys recognise each other, I went to the gym after work. After my workout, I head for the showers as usual. The showers consist of two rows of cubicles facing each other, with a big space in between where guys can dry themselves. Each cubicle has a shower curtain, so the shy guys will make sure that the shower curtain is fully in place, whereas less shy guys like me don't bother too much.

As I enter a free cubicle, I notice a cute Asian guy on the opposite side of the room, showering without having drawn his shower curtain. What's more, he notices that I've noticed him. In fact I spot that he's being quite cruisey, because while I'm trying to turn on the water in my cubicle, I see him move a bit outside of his cubicle to look around before moving back. It turns out that my shower cubicle isn't working properly, and as the only other unoccupied cubicle is next to the cute Asian guy, I walk naked across the shower room to use it.

These days, I find that I rarely make a mistake in terms of assessing a guy's cruisey behaviour, so it's already clear to me that this guy is gay. But now that I'm in the adjacent cubicle, I'm curious to know how far he'll go in a very public shower room. Of course, I do need a shower so I start washing my hair, but I stand with my back to the wall and the shower curtain only half drawn so that I can see out of the cubicle.

Sure enough the Asian guy leaves his cubicle slightly, ostensibly to soap himself without the water from the shower immediately washing away the soap, and while he's outside his cubicle he looks very directly into my cubicle. I actually feel a bit embarrassed, simply because it's such a public shower room. I look him in the face (but not the eyes) and out of curiosity I can't help but look downstairs to see whether he's at all excited or not. Possibly a bit excited, I decide, but not too obvious.

Two minutes later and he repeats the exercise, even though most of the other cubicles are occupied so that some guys might well see what he's doing. With the thoughts of mentioning the importance of eye contact in my impending blog post, this time I decide to show some interest him, after all he is a cute guy and in any case since I'm inside my cubicle no one can see what I'm doing! So I simply look him directly in the eyes, then look at this soapy crotch, and then look him back in the eyes again and smile. This time, he's definitely a bit more excited downstairs! He smiles at me, but then disappears back inside his cubicle.

However within a few seconds he's outside again, looking around, and I wasn't ready for what happens next. Suddenly, his hand reaches inside my cubicle and gives my pink oboe a few quick strokes! Shocked, I look outside my cubicle but no one seems to have seen, or if they did they don't care. But honestly, such brazen naughtiness in a public shower room, what on earth is the world coming to LOL!

A joke!

Little Johnny was sitting in his first sex ed class one day when the teacher drew a picture of a penis on the board. "Does anyone know what this is?" she asked. Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sure, my daddy has two of them!" "Two of them?!" the teacher asked. "Yeah. He has a little one that he uses to pee with and a big one that he uses to brush mommy's teeth!"

In the bath!

Hottie

Polyamory

Last night, fellow banker and gay blogger Sir Wobin brought to my attention an interesting article in this week's New Scientist. Then when I checked my inbox this morning, there was an email from a reader in Sydney containing a link to the same article. Although the monogamy subject is perhaps a bit tired and worn out here, none the less the article is quite interesting:

Polygamy is the key to a long life

The reader in Sydney also sent me a link to a slightly older article:

Love unlimited: The polyamorists

Although the articles are written from a straight perspective, I'm sure the same concepts applies in the gay world.

Last night I emailed Sir Wobin, joking with him that it was a pity the first article gave no clue as to the optimal number of boyfriends. However the unexpected reply that I received almost immediately from him really made me laugh:

Less than 86 according to this Nigerian bloke. Does he look tired in the top photo? :-)

Well exactly!

The gaydar advantage

I was about to leave a comment on The Muscler's recent post about online dating when I suddenly realised that it would be much better to post my thoughts here instead. The Muscler wants a boyfriend, and not having found one at bars and gyms, he's going to try online. He writes

... most people would say that finding a decent boyfriend/husband via a gay chat website is impossible

and I think he's right that people think that sites like gaydar are just for sex. However, if he approaches it in the right way I think he'll be successful. Indeed, I seem to find all my boyfriends that way!

The initial focus of meeting a guy from these web sites will be for sex of course, and there's nothing wrong with that, in fact that's the key. It's what happens after the sex that's important. To be successful in finding boyfriends this way, it's important to understand the "There's something about Mary" effect. The point is that once you've both unloaded, it's sometimes possible to have very genuine conversations. Whenever that happens, and if I get on well with the guy too, I always wonder whether a deeper friendship or relationship might be possible. Of course it often turns out that the guy is unavailable for whatever reason, for example he may already have a boyfriend and be the type of guy who thinks that one boyfriend is enough. Occasionally though, one finds a nice guy who is available, and then it is possible to develop things further.

By comparison, I really hate idea of formal dating. The "Oh, and what do you do for a living?" kind of conversations that one has on first dates are so DULL. Much better to short circuit the process with some enjoyable activities, get to know the real guy at precisely the moment when he doesn't have anything to hide, and take things from there!

School days

I had a locker in the school basement, and next to me was one of the hottest girls .. sort of clueless how good she looked in tight jeans and t-shirt. Anyway, one early morning there were only the two of us, alone, at the lockers in the basement. I had a raging hardon, and for the first time in my life (to this day I don't know why) I decided to play it cool, and pretend not to know. At one point, she giggled that I appeared to have a problem. I leaned over, and whispered in her ear that she was what had made me hard, and I took her hand and ran it along the length of my hardon, from base to cockhead, on the outside of my jeans. She gasped, and as inexperienced as I was, I saw her go very red in the face, start gasping and her entire body shuddered by the time I got her hand to the head of my cock. I whispered in her ear that the one thing I wanted at that moment, more than anything else in the world, was to have her naked, pulling her ankles up to her earlobes while I ate out her pussy till she came at least ten times.

She shuddered again, and told my I had the biggest thickest cock she had ever 'seen', and shuddered again, her forehead wet with sweat. We started dating after that, and every time she got me naked, she would tell me over and over and over, that I had the longest, thickest cock she had ever seen on a guy.

Cumshots

Double the fun!

Beijing Olympics

Among the many freebies offered to athletes at the Olympic Village in Beijing were, according to press reports, 100,000 condoms. The gift from the IOC sparked a debate as to the benefits and pitfalls of pre-event sex and raised the delicate issue of condom size too. (As far as I'm aware, only standard size condoms were distributed at the games).

Our holiday adventures - part 2

The final part of our holiday adventures:


We had an early meal and met Ryan and Zoe shortly before 9.00 at the bar. Zoe looked really sexy in a short white dress with her white flimsy bra and pants clearly showing through and the white contrasting against her warm golden tan. The thought that I might be fucking her in an hour or so got me really horny. The conversation was light initially but slowly came round to the episode on the beach. Ryan said that the scenario they had witnessed was exactly the same as had happened to them on Day 2 of their stay. Ryan had done nothing at all but just watch Leon fuck Zoe on Day 2 and Day 4 of their stay. He told me he had found it highly erotic. They went on to say that they had just started swinging about 3 months previously and the beach they were on had been mentioned to them by a couple they had swopped with recently. That is why they had booked the late holiday here.

I had to confess to Ryan that watching had almost been as much enjoyment as doing. He agreed. I quickly cleared up any confusion about my sexuality and the fact that he had caught me with my mouth wrapped round a black cock.

"Hey," he said, "When you swing, you have to take what comes at you. If you had said six months ago that I would ever have been turned on by another man's cock I would have punched you in the nose. Now I have done a few things with guys that I can't believe but sometimes it just seems right in the circumstances and, of course a lot of the guys we meet are bisexual so almost expect a bit of cock too."

I was amazed at his honesty but it helped me understand my actions of the morning. I told Ryan about Leon's invitation for tonight. He told Zoe and we jointly agreed to grab some wine and beers and head to our villa for around 10.00 and start something regardless. I couldn't wait to get my hands on Zoe and was aware that my cock had been hard throughout the entire conversation.

Back at the villa, it took a few visits to the toilet to "freshen up" and some small talk and a couple of drinks before Ryan went over and lifted Zoe's dress up, pulling her briefs down. I caught a glimpse of hair before her skirt dropped back down again but the "V" of brown hair was very noticeable. He unclipped her bra so she was standing in an almost transparent dress.

Kim was in white dress shorts with a rather smart coloured t-shirt which showed her best assets, her tits. What she did next amazed me. She walked over to Ryan, put her hands straight on the front of his cotton trousers, unzipped him and pushed her hand inside. He turned and kissed her. I wasted no time and headed for Zoe. I kissed her warmly while my hand explored her legs and upward to finger the folds on her cunt. She was wet. I popped her shoulder straps off and her dress top flopped to her waist exposing her tits. They were smaller but much firmer that Kim's and my lips soon found her nipples. They were rock hard and I alternated back and forth from left to right. I glanced across to Kim and was excited to see her fully naked in front of a still dressed Ryan, whose erect 6 inches or so were sticking out of his trousers. She dropped and took his cock in her mouth. He loved it.

I took the cue and quickly stripped naked, while Zoe did likewise. I laid her on the large queen size bed and opened her legs to lap her cunt with my tongue. She was breathing in short gasps. Ryan decided to do the same to Kim and I looked across at him as she lay naked with her legs wide open and Ryan lapping between them, his short and thick, hard cock swaying straight out from his body. We almost copied each other as I climbed up Zoe to stick my cock in her mouth while pushing my knees on both of her shoulders and we were both kneeling there each on top of a women, side my side with our cocks being sucked,

"I'm going to love watching you fuck her Ryan," I said. "Please don't cum too soon though just in case Leon does decide to pay us a visit."

The condom stretched over my cock and at last, I was entering a strange cunt. She was slightly wider than Kim and very soft and velvety. My cock entered without any resistance and I was soon in her up to my balls. Ryan had Kim doggy fashion and was entering her from behind as he softly fucked her. "Nice tight pussy here Mate," he said. The women loved the fucking and more than once I had to stop and wait till my impending orgasm subsided. I felt like I was watching a film. Both of us just fucked relentlessly for around 25 minutes, turning the girls over her and there for a better position. I heard Kim cum and she grabbed Ryan's buttocks as she climbed to her usual, normal, noisy peak. Ryan actually succeeded in bringing her off twice and also told us twice that he was almost ready to shoot, but held back. Zoe managed one orgasm while I fucked her from behind, my cock twisting around inside her as I tried to grip her wider than normal cunt. I had a distinct feeling that Kim was enjoying Ryan's slightly thicker cock than Zoe was mine.

After about 30 minutes, we stopped and poured ourselves drinks. My erection did not subside and I noted neither did Ryan's. The women absent-mindedly sat on opposite chairs fingering their recently fucked cunts while drinking wine. I heard shuffling at the door and a gently knock. I brazenly walked across stark naked and swung the door open to find Leon's smiling face. "Quick man, before security come back round," he said as he ran into the room following by two other guys.

For one moment, apprehension hit me in case they had other intentions but their body language reassured me.

"I told my buddies here there was white, willing cunt and they begged to join me," he said. "I see you started without us but we'll make sure the girls get real man meat."

Zoe was positively drooling at the prospect as the guys, still fully dressed, sat down and popped a can of beer each. Leon introduced the guys as Taz and Jimmy. Taz was a thin wiry young man who could have been 17 but I figured might be older, and Jimmy was a thicker set guy with a small beard and black as coal. All I could see what the sparkling white of his teeth. All three of them kept rubbing the front of their shorts and pronounced bulges were visible.

"You girls going to lick each other for us," said Leon and continued, "as it really gets me going."

Kim looked slightly afraid at the prospect but it was obvious the request was not so odd to Zoe as she dropped quickly to her knees between Kim's legs and started to lick her wet cunt. Slowly Kim's legs opened as she looked at me with a "what else can I do" look.

I knew what it was doing to me and my cock was absolutely rigid. The guys started to strip. The big surprise was Taz, the young lad, whose semi-erect cock slung low between his legs and even in that state looked about 8 or 9 inches long. It wasn't as big as Leon's and Ryan's looked tiny. The other guy had about 7 inches but his cock sprung out of curly black hair and was extremely thick, even by Ryan's standards. Leon dropped behind Zoe and started to lick her buttocks, his tongue straying quickly down to her hole. This guy was no shrinking violet.

Jimmy was stroking his meat as he walked forward, climbed on the bed and walked round to Kim, sticking his cock in her mouth. She loved it. I noticed that Leon was already pulling on a condom and going for Zoe's cunt from the back as she still licked Kim. He was going to fuck her doggy fashion. The young lad just stood and wanked his cock gently as did Ryan and I. Jimmy flipped Kim over and raised her legs. A rubber was stretched over his cock and he started to enter her. She had some problems in getting him in and resisted a few times before he entered. Soon the room was filled with ecstatic sounds as both women were being humped solidly.

I was standing next to Taz and looked at him, smiling. He smiled back and I looked down at his big cock hanging above his normal size balls and dropped to my knees. I took the cock from his hands and put my mouth over it. The lad looked a little surprised but I assume as there was nowhere else to put it, he allowed me to suck. It was slightly salty and was leaking clear precum but the hard monster was a delight to suck. Ryan went over and stuck his cock in Zoe's mouth while she was being fucked from behind.

The room was filled with the women's wails as each thrust entered them Both guys were gripping tits in a pretty violent way but Kim seemed to enjoy the aggressive sex. When Jimmy pulled out for a rest I guided Taz over and gently spread Kim's legs upwards in a "V" shape. She looked like a televison aerial! "Fuck her," I said!

The condom was a struggle but between us, I managed to stretch it over his cock. I held it firmly as Kim waited and I guided the young lad into her. He edged an inch at a time and each push brought a sharp intake of breath from Kim. I went behind her to stick my cock in her mouth and hold her legs up and back to let the full length of his big dick into her. Somehow she took the entire cock and he started a steady rhythm. I noticed that the others had stopped and were watching.

Zoe said, "I want that too!"

Taz was inexperienced but had the stamina of an ox as he pumped into Kim. The sounds were like pain as he hammered her cunt with the brute and the close up of her cunt lips stretching to accommodate it was an image I will never forget. Leon, by now had pushed me away and was at her head with his cock in her mouth, hammering at her. Jimmy knelt at her side and she gripped his cock in her hand. I choreographed Ryan to keel at her other side so she could grip his cock with her other hand. Two cocks in her and one in each hand.

Zoe, asked me to fuck her again so we went to the couch and I shagged her as hard as I could. This time she came much quicker. My thrusts were harder and more urgent and I assumed she was anticipating Taz.

Leon called her over and I pulled out. She lay alongside Kim and lifted her legs in the same position as her. Taz pulled out and inexpertly thrust his cock straight into Zoe without thinking. She screamed and the thought of his entry made my eyes water. He tried to pull out but she dug her nails into his back and forced him to keep fucking. This was getting wild with both women lying there like fuck sluts. There was no affection, no kissing, no tenderness, just two wide open cunts being fucked time and time again. Leon was already into Kim and fucking her and Jimmy once more was sticking his cock in any of the two mouths that would have it. Once more I climbed up and kissed Kim while he sucked him, taking his cock in my mouth as I did so. Ryan climbed up alongside him and Kim and I alternated between cocks. I rubbed the two cock heads together and Ryan instantly spurted cum
in thin jets over Kim's face and into my mouth. I kept rubbing his cock head against Jimmy and he shot too, Thick white dollops of cum splodged on to Kim and into her mouth and I managed to put my mouth briefly over the head to taste some of it.

As though they other two guys thought it was a precedent, the pulled out, ripped off their condoms and decided to give Kim their loads too. Taz had all the exuberance of youth and his cum was copious and thin. Great jets poured out hitting Kim in the hair, forehead, cheeks, tits and mouth. Again I slurped the remains and while I was doing it another warm spray hit my face from Leon. I came too with the warm remains of four guy's seed in my mouth and on my face.

We collapsed backwards on to the bed.

"Cool man," said Leon and he pulled his shorts on accompanied by his buddies. He looked quickly out of the door and they all disappeared with a wave and a "see you."

Kim lay splattered in cum and all four of us burst into laughter.

We didn't have any of the guys again though we did have Ryan and Zoe twice during our stay.

How do gay guys recognise each other?

A couple of weeks ago I received the following email from a straight teenager:

Dear GB,

I am a 17 years old heterosexual boy who grew up in the countryside. I came to Paris this summer and often when I go to the swimming pool there are gay men who try to chat me up. Before coming to Paris I had never met gay people, and now so many men come all of a sudden, I am a little scared to tell you the truth.

Is there something gay people do to recognise each other? Are gay men attracted to men the same way the girls are? (from a physical stand point)

Thank you very much.

I replied to him immediately to tell him that it would take me a couple of weeks to get round to writing this post for him. I then when on to say:

If a gay guy starts chatting you up, just think of it as a compliment. It's nothing to be scared about, however take the first opportunity to say that you're not interested. I've never heard of any gay guys getting abusive or violent if someone they try to chat up isn't interested, so just don't worry about it.

But the email raises a couple of interesting questions, namely how do gay guys recognise each other, and do gay men look for the same physical attributes in another man that girls look for.

Regarding the first question, I have in fact written about this subject before, in a posting last year with the title Is he or isn't he? As that post says, the most important aspect is definitely eye contact. A cruisey gay guy can look another guy in the eyes and the look on its own can say "I want to get naked with you". As a blatant example, if the cruisey guy looks the guy in the eyes, then looks at the guy's body and packet before looking the guy in the eyes again, then any guy whether gay or straight will understand!

In fact, when I was at university, a "straight" friend of mine made a pass at me in exactly that way. It was one evening, we were alone together, and having had a few drinks I was about to go back to my room to go to bed. We were saying goodnight to each other when he stopped talking to me for a second, looked me knowingly in the eyes, then looked at my crotch, and then looked me back in the eyes again. He then did it again with a more serious look in his eyes. Back then I was too scared to be gay so I ran away! It was quite a surprise coming from this particular friend, because he was the kind of guy who always had a girlfriend, and indeed he's now been married for years. I guess it proves that sexuality isn't always as clear cut as one might suppose.

To try and guess whether a guy is gay without eye contact, I'd try to work out who he looks at. If he's in the gym, is he looking at the women or the other guys? Straight guys instinctively don't want to be caught checking out other guys so they'll tend to keep their eyes to themselves if they're not checking out a woman. Even closeted gay guys can give themselves away like this, and in extreme circumstances it's possible to work out that a guy is gay before he knows it himself. I know that when I'm in a gym, I can't help myself looking at the other guys, especially in the changing room and showers!

If the person whose sexuality you're trying to determine is a friend, there are other things that can help. For example, if a guy has an unambiguous and keen interest in women, although he could just be hiding the fact that he's gay, almost certainly it's because he's straight. But of course, a lack of girlfriends could mean that the guy is gay.

All this talk about working out whether someone is gay or not reminds me of something that happened about ten years ago on the trading floor of a bank that I used to work for. Although I'd been working for the bank for a year or so, there was a London based colleague who had been working in one of the bank's offices abroad so I hadn't met him yet. But soon after he returned to the London office we began working on a deal together, and I recall being amazed by feeling an almost electric, telepathic connection when we were close to each other, such as when we were looking at a spreadsheet together on one of our workstations. It was quite intense and completely distracting, and I've never experienced anything like it, before or afterwards. I certainly had no idea what caused it. However, a few months later, that was the 'straight' colleague that I spotted in pleasuredome sauna. So if there really is such a thing as gaydar being like radar, then that was definitely it!

Regarding the other question my experience is that everyone, whether male or female, has their different favourite attributes that they look for in their partners. However I reckon that the menu of possible attributes is the same! I also reckon that a gay guy is more likely to be interested in the other guy's equipment than a women is. In connection with this, it's worth remembering that "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder", so for any particular guy there are likely to be some gay men and some women who find him attractive and others who don't.

Do any other readers have any thoughts on these subjects?

Daytime sex

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Hottie

Our holiday adventures - part 1

The beach certainly lived up to the brochures. Kim and I walked along, hand in hand with the warmth of the Caribbean sun on our backs. The beach was moderately busy with other tourists but not too many as we were slightly off the tourist trail. The hotel complex we had chosen for our holiday, had beach bungalows which gave us straight access on to the beach. There were around 20 bungalows and then the main complex of the hotel behind us. The bungalows were mainly occupied by couples like us.

We must have walked about 2 miles along the sandy strip before getting to a wider section of beach which rose back into little dunes where one or two couples were sunbathing. Some traders were walking along selling their wares and a sprinkling of other black Caribbean guys were just hanging about chatting to the tourists and trying to mooch a cigarette or even a drink from the few foreigners. We noticed another couple from the hotel bungalows lying there and walked up to talk to them.

"Hi," I said, "I'm Jamie and this is Kim; we recognise you from our hotel."

Ryan and Zoe introduced themselves as such. They looked about 28/29 and were lying in the nude but covered with towels to protect them from the sun. Their little dune was very private except from the "full frontal" aspect to the secluded beach and this is how we had seen them.

"We love it up here." they said, "We have been coming here every day since we arrived four days ago."

We chatted until conversation started to dry and headed off. Kim and I decided it might be nice to get a cool box from the hotel and walk up here the next day to also enjoy the solitude.

Next day we did just that and set up home just a little further up from where we had seen Ryan and Zoe the previous day. We didn't want to interfere with their peace and quiet. We settled into a secluded dune and started to sunbathe. It was late morning and within about fifteen minutes we were approached by a young black guy who didn't seem to be selling anything, but just making conversation. He wasn't threatening in any way but he was a tall guy and had this habit of adjusting his cock in his shorts as he spoke. We chatted about home in Britain and then he wandered off. I commented to Kim about his fiddling and she said she was sure he had an erection!

I stood up to see where he went and saw him about 300 yards up the beach standing and talking to Ryan. He shook his hands as though he knew him and they chatted as they stood and also kept looking into the dune where I assumed Zoe was lying in the sun. I was about to lie down again when I saw the black guy walk into the dune and disappear. For a moment, I thought something was wrong but Ryan's body language suggested differently as he stood over the entrance to the dune looking around and particularly looking in. I could only see his head and shoulders.

I assumed the guy was selling something that Zoe wanted to see close up so really wasn't paying much attention as I stood and scanned the beach. I sat down again for about ten to fifteen minutes and when I stood up once more, I was just in time to see the black guy re-emerge and talk briefly to Ryan before giving him a "hi-five" and heading off. Ryan then went into the dune and that was it. I sat back down and thought nothing more of it. Kim was still reading and then looked up and smiled.

"Do you think black guys have much bigger cocks than white guys," she suddenly said?

"They're supposed to," I answered. "Why do you ask?"

"I was just thinking about that guy who was talking to us earlier and he was kinda sexy," she continued.

"He had nothing to sell," I heard myself say.

"What," said Kim?

"The black guy had nothing to sell." I repeated.

"I know," she said. "He was just being friendly."

"He went in the dune with Zoe while Ryan watched and he had nothing to sell." I was beginning to sound like a cracked gramphone record.

"I'm lost," said Kim.

I explained what I had just seen and the impact of what it might have been brought my cock to a very painful erection which did not go unnoticed by Kim.

"Are you turned on my the thought of watching Ryan watch Zoe getting fucked by a black man, turned on that the same black man could have been fucking me, or turned on that Ryan and Zoe might be swingers and we could perhaps do something with them?"

My cock was now painful and I had to ease it out of the side of my speedos. "All of it," I said.

She bent forward and took my cock in her mouth and gently sucked me while holding my balls. It took no more than 3 minutes before she was swallowing my cum. "That should ease things," she said.

Next day, we headed out a little earlier and were in a dune slightly closer to where Ryan and Zoe had been, but just past them. We had been quite wild in our fucking the previous night, charged with the thought of what might be happening around us. I spotted Ryan and Zoe walking up the beach about 30 minutes later and we ducked down to lie and sunbathe. Kim and I decided to be naked but discreetly covered, as Ryan and Zoe had been on the first day we saw them.

Plan one was to wait and see if some local guy came along, plan two was to go up and talk to Ryan and Zoe naked and hope to get them to play or, if we saw them start up, to walk up and catch them at it. Plan three was just to have public sex ourselves and hope to pick someone up as we did it.

It was fully an hour after arriving that the same black guy walked up with a smaller friend. I took a good look at him as he approached. He was about 6 feet 2 inches, broad built with tight black hair, a fair sprinkling of gold jewellery and whiter than white teeth. His shorts were off white, spotlessly clean and showed a sizeable bulge. He looked to be about 32 or so. His friend was considerably younger and I would have put him as about 18 or 19. He was also quite tall, say about 5 feet 11 inches, but much thinner. He was wearing hideously bright, baggy surf shorts and a white vest. He was a very attractive young black and had matching dazzling teeth!

Having been rebuffed the previous day, they were heading past us with just a wave, when the older guy realised Kim and I were naked. He swerved over to talk, bringing his friend. After a brief introduction when I think I caught his name as Leon and his friend, they started to make small talk about how much they loved this beach with all the beautiful white women. Kim was lying quite demurely with her hand just covering her sex and the guys continued their light conversation about how long had we been together etc.

I felt my cock start to rise and attempted to cover it but the more I did, the harder it got. The situation was so heavily laden with innuendo and Leon kept adjusting his shorts. I could see his cock outline clearly and it looked impressive. He looked at Kim and said to me, "I bet she's a noisy one when she is being laid."

"She can be," I replied.

"You gonna do her with that after we go then," he said nodding to my stiff 7 inches.

I took the plunge and hoped I was correct. "Not unless you do her first."

"You want some black cock maam," he said?

Kim just uncovered her front and exposed her slit. He knelt in front of her and parted her cunt lips with his black hands and pushed his tongue into her slit. She was already panting. The young guy was smiling, his white teeth dazzling as he watched and caressed the front of his shorts.

"Sam's going to fuck her for me," said Leon. "He needs to get a white woman as he's never done one."

Sam dropped his pants and exposed a ramrod straight hard, circumcised cock. For an 18 year old it was an impressive 8 incher. I grabbed a condom from my bag and handed it to him and watched as he stretched it over his cock. There was going to be little preamble, I could see. Leon stood up and let Sam kneel between Kim's legs. She held herself open as his cock, inexpertly entered her. He raised her legs way over her head and started to pump her.

Leon stood up and dropped his shorts to reveal a dick that must have been all of 10 inches. It bent slightly to the left as he wanked. "You like it," he said to me?

"Fine piece of meat," I replied.

"You give head," he asked?

"Me," I spluttered?

"Get down and suck me while Sam fucks your wife," he said.

I wasn't really sure though the thought of lubricating the monster that was going into Kim appealed to me. I dropped to my knees and started to suck it. I couldn't manage much at first but he started to pump the brute into my face and my saliva was noticeable against the black skin. I was really horny.

Kim was gone! She was gasping as Ryan fucked her quite enthusiastically. All caution had gone as we continued and I had stopped checking the beach for passers by. I heard a voice. "So you're providing the entertainment for them today?"

It was Ryan and Zoe watching us. Ryan's shorts were tenting which suggested they had been there for a good few minutes. "Mind if we watch?"

Sam was obviously cumming in Kim as he groaned and pumped more slowly. Kim was completely oblivious to the audience. Leon pulled his cock away from me, grabbed a condom and stretched it with much difficulty over his cock head. He knelt between Kim's legs and pushed his cock into her. His bulk hid us from her so she was still unaware she was being watched by Ryan and Zoe.

"Nice meat," said Zoe as she fondled my balls. "I hope I might be rewarded later for letting you share our secret lover!" She nodded towards Leon who was hammering quite violently into Kim. "He won't last long," she continued knowledgably.

She was right. Basically all Leon did was enter Kim, fuck her about a dozen strokes and empty his balls into her. The condom head sagged with the weight of cum as he pulled out.

Kim saw Ryan and Zoe and looked suddenly embarrassed. Zoe took control quickly, sensing her awkwardness. "Since you stole my fuck partner Kim, Jamie has agreed to substitute for him later if Ryan can lose his cock in there," she pointed to Kim's gaping cunt. At that she turned and as she left called back and said, "Meet you in the bar at 9.00 tonight."

Leon tucked his meat back in and mumbled a thanks. "She's a mean fuck," he said. "My mates love white cunt and they'll be pretty envious of this one so expect some interest in her while you're here." At that, they left.

I knelt in front of Kim and licked her wide open cunt. The smell of sex, and the liquid from her natural lubricant were an aphrodisiac to me and a stroke at my hard cock brought me off pretty quickly. "I love the taste of used cunt," I said to her.

"I could get used to having it used," she said.

"Which villa are you in," asked Leon?

We gave him our number and he suggested that he might pop round after 11.00 with another friend if we were interested. I pointed out that we were meeting Ryan and Zoe and he just said, "Do you want her filled with black meat or not?"

I meekly nodded to which he "hi-fived" me and said, "See you later."

(To be continued)

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As you can see it certainly looks good. Anyone tried a pair? Does it do what it promises?

Time for a bit of diversity

It became clear to me last month, when discussing my boyfriends with Close Encounters, that I need to find alternative potential boyfriends to boyfriend P. Although I love boyfriend P, and I think to some extent he loves me too, I'm definitely not the only man in his life. So like any good banker looking after a portfolio of investments, I need to diversify!

The following weekend I'm doing some work at home, so I decide to log onto to the usual two gay chat sites that I used to use, namely gaydar and gay.com. Initially I focus on my work, but when I take a break I notice that there's a guy nearby who's put a message into one of the chat rooms looking for someone local. I bring up his profile and he looks really cute, in fact he wouldn't look out of place as the star of a porn movie! I decide to try my luck, so I open a private chat window with the guy who turns out to be called M:

GB: hi mate, I'm not far from you
M: where r u?
M: stats?
M: whats u into?
M: face pic?

Blimey mate, slow down, we've only just met each other! I answer some of his questions, and tell him where to find my pics on the Internet.

M: nice
GB: although I'm close to you, I can't accom
M: cool
M: im lookin for quick sex
M: u come over, we play, u leave

Wow, this guy is very direct, no beating around the bush with him! I'm sure that I'd be able to focus on my work much better after visiting him, so I find his suggestion hard to resist.

GB: that's fine, I'd love to visit you for a quick session mate
M: is that ok
GB: yeah, sure :-)
M: whats ur HIV status?

I always find it amazing how little I get asked this question when I'm cruising online. I'll often ask the question myself, but being asked instead makes me happy because it shows that the guy is smart, and meeting up with smart guys is always more fun. Although a guy may not know his HIV status, I still think it's a good question to ask because sometimes a guy will know that he's HIV positive and be honest about it, so sometimes it does help prevent mistakes.

GB: I'm HIV negative
GB: u?
M: cool
M: same
GB: so where exactly r u?
M: how hung?

Occasionally when chatting online there's that kind of disruption to the natural conversation flow, where both guys ask something at the same time. On this occasion I reckon my question is much smarter than his, why do guys worry about that so much? Still, I don't mind revealing such an intimate detail to a complete stranger as long as he does the same! We swap measurements and then he tells me where he lives.

M: u know where that is?
GB: i'll search google maps, hang on
M: u have a car? how u gettin here
GB: I'll grab a cab so won't take long. u got a mobile number?
M: yes
M: but dont give, i have a bf
M: need discretion
GB: no worries mate, I am very discrete (have bf too!)

Of course the truth is that my boyfriend situation is rather complicated, but he doesn't need to know that!

M: how long u need
GB: 30 mins max, hopefully sooner
M: 30 min is too long
M: sorry
M: some other time then

What?? After all this, how long did he expect me to take? In my experience it's extremely rare to find someone online who can meet more quickly than that. Perhaps I'm too honest in these situations, simply because I hate giving false impressions. Maybe I should say 15 minutes and then take half an hour or more, which is the sloppy attitude that some guys seem to adopt!

GB: It'll probably be sooner mate
M: make it quick
M: see ya
M: bye

Ahhh, so perhaps I can visit after all :-)? However, saying "make it quick" so soon after "some other time" seems quite contradictory. I hate being stood up so I want a clear answer before I set off.

GB: u want me to come or not? I've got your address, I'll make it quick, but I don't want a wasted journey
M: forget it
M: some other time

Damm!! Ahhh well, better to find out now rather than arrive and find out that he's not there! In these situations I don't think that it's cool to try and get the guy to change his mind, I reckon it's much better to be polite and hope that some future liaison might be possible.

GB: ok take care
GB: bye for now x
M: gotta study
M: u too
M: xxx

So he's got to study? The change of mind might make sense if he had to go out soon, but not if he's staying in studying!

I stay logged into the chat rooms, but reluctantly I close the chat window with M and return to my work. However, 3 minutes later, a chat windows suddenly pops up at me:

M: hey, u still there
M: how quickly could u get here
GB: 20-30 mins
M: ok, why dont u come over
GB: great, see you soon x

I guess that for some reason he'd been in two mind about meeting me, but eventually his natural urges got the better of him!

Since it's summer, I don't need to get a coat or anything so I head out immediately to find a cab. Twenty minutes later and I'm buzzing his flat at the building where he lives:

"Yeah?" says a voice on the other end of the intercom.

"Hi, it's GB," but before I can say anything else ...

"Top floor!"

I hear the door buzzing, and pushing it hard, I'm soon inside. It turns out that it's a five storey building and there isn't a lift, but none the less it's not long before I'm knocking at his door. The door opens slightly and a cute face smiles out at me.

"You got up here quickly :-)," says M in an American accent.

"Well I think I'm reasonably fit :-)," I say smiling back, "a few stairs don't bother me!"

Face to face he looks just as good as he did in the pics that I'd seen online, if not better. Once inside, I see that he's only wearing a pure white dressing gown. I imagine that he's not wearing much underneath, so I start to take my t-shirt off while he's closing the door.

"Not wasting any time I see :-)," he says approvingly, looking me up and down.

The flat consists of just two main rooms, a bedroom at the back, and a living area which includes the kitchen at the front. I follow him into the bedroom where I spot a large table covered with books with a laptop in the middle. No doubt he had been studying, just like he said.

"Can I put my clothes on that chair?" I ask, pointing at the chair in front of the table.

"Oh sure, leave them anywhere".

I sit down to take my shoes off, and when I look up M's lying naked on the bed, slowly playing with himself. I can certainly tell that he's pleased to see me!

"Wow, you're not wasting any time either :-)."

Looking at his fit body, I decide that he must quite a keen member of a gym somewhere. I feel like I'm participating in a porn movie.

"Just join me when you're ready," he replies in quite a relaxed voice now, "no hurry."

Soon I'm naked too so I hop onto the bed and start touching him.

"Do you have sensitive nipples?" I say, rubbing them gently.

"Mmmmm, yes :-)" replies M.

Gradually we get more and more involved with each other, and we have a wonderful time with together. But it's over all too quickly.

"Phew, that was GOOD!", says M, panting slightly.

We lay there for a short while, relaxing.

"So I guess you're boyfriend doesn't know that you meet guys like me!" I say to him.

"No," says M firmly, "Actually he's very funny about this kind of thing. But I reckon that sex outside a relationship is like dessert, a nice extra that compliments the main course! The boyfriend doesn't need to know about this, and what he doesn't know won't hurt him. For example, it's nice to meet older guys like you sometimes for diversity :-)."

"That's exactly the way I think about relationships," I say, "but so many guys seem hooked on the idea of monogamy for some reason, it's crazy!"

"Yeah I know."

"Can I have a quick glass of water before I go?" I ask, getting up to put my clothes back on.

"Sure."

M gets up and strolls naked into the living area to get to the kitchen, and soon returns with a glass of mineral water, still looking quite horny!

"Thanks :-)," I say, "What's your boyfriend like anyway?"

"Oh he's mid 20's like me, a very fit gym jock type, actually his body is a bit too perfect! I'm not sure that I'll be with him much longer though."

"Really?" I ask, "What's the matter?"

"He limits himself so much, because he only likes gay male company. Everywhere he goes has to be gay, gay bars, gay gyms, and if I try to go out with him to a restaurant or something which isn't gay he's visibly uncomfortable. I'm gay, sure, so I like having sex with other guys and I want boyfriends but that's it. I don't need to live my whole life in the gay ghetto! What about you anyway, does your boyfriend know what you get up to?"

"Actually I'm splitting up with my London boyfriend," I say.

"Sorry to hear that."

"Yeah, well, I've actually got another boyfriend who lives abroad so life's a bit complicated at the moment!"

M looks fascinated, but I don't feel like discussing it at the moment so I try to change the subject.

"Anyway, what are you studying for?"

"Oh, it's these FSA exams that I've got to pass :-(, they're a real bore!"

"FSA? I guess you work for a bank then?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I did those exams too when I started work in the City. I also work for a bank!"

"Really?"

"Anyway, I'd better be going? As I recall, you just wanted a quick visit!"

"Errr yeah, thanks for coming over :-)," says M looking as though he wished I could stay a bit longer, "Let's keep in touch, eh :-)? Hope to see you again sometime?"

"Yes definitely :-)," I say, "I'll look out for you online!"

Sitting in a cab going back home, I realise that in many ways it was a perfect encounter. A bit of fun with a genuinely gorgeous guy, and then when we got chatting with each other afterwards we really seemed to click. I still love boyfriend P of course, but just as M says, sometimes it's nice to have a tasty dessert :-)!

College Friend with Huge Cock

All Tied Up

Sleeping Naked

Speedo

Unlike these, the writing on my pair is starting to peel off in places.

A question

Guys, how old were you when you started sleeping naked?

Email from a bisexual guy in love with another guy

A couple of weeks ago, a reader sent me the following email:

Dear GB,

I have been reading your blog for quite some time and I have finally decided to write to you. I am a bi-sexual/gay man. I would say more gay than bi-sexual, though the majority of my important relationships have been with women. Since January, though, I have been having a relationship with a guy that I met on gaydar. This would be my first relationship with a guy. I have had a couple of sporadic encounters with guys, but this is a real relationship. We both pretend to be bi-sexual and we are both still in the closet. We don't live in the same city (I live in London, he lives in Paris), so we only see each other a couple of times per month. I can honestly say that I am in love with this guy, though I'm pretty sure he's not. I have told him a few times that I had missed him. He chose never to return the compliment. We do exchange emails (not necessarily very long ones) almost daily and he does cute things from time to time, like sending me a text to wish me good night. My realization that I am actually in love with him came now that I will go to New York for one year and the thought of not seeing him for longer periods of time makes me sad. I have also discovered that he's seeing other guys. There is at least one I have discovered by reading the text messages on his mobile phone. Not very nice you could say, but I was suspecting this, and I just got my confirmation. I didn't confront him because this would imply confessing how I know. This finding of mine kind of broke my heart. I can't really concentrate at work, and I am running behind the schedule with the project I'm working on. I guess this seems like a non-problem to you, given your multi-boyfriend situation :). It might be my mainly heterosexual relationship track record, but this is just the way I feel. I don't feel the need to be with someone else, just with this guy. Of course, another thing I don't like is that we don't know each others friends, given that neither of us has publicly accepted his sexuality.

I am continuing this email after quite a long pause. Things have happened meanwhile. I have actually left for New York and I told the guy that I loved him during my last weekend in London when he came to visit. It was a perfect weekend. I don't quite know how to qualify his reaction when I told him. He's definitely not indifferent. It was quite emotional when I confessed my feelings. I was so sad to be leaving that I was incapable of holding back my tears. I even saw a few tears in his eyes, which I guess is a good sign. To be honest, I think we are closer now. I was very down when I arrived in New York. He knew that and kept encouraging me. The seeing other guys part was never mentioned, but this is something that hurts like hell. To be honest, I don't know how you do it. Or, better said, how your boyfriends do it. Maybe it requires a level of maturity that, despite my 30 years, I don't have. I don't bring the subject up, because I guess I am quite scared of the answer. I intend to do it, though. He will come visit me in New York in August. This is what he says, at least. I guess I could very well be with other guys, but I just can't bring myself to do it too. It would just be to get back at him, which seems wrong.

I'm writing to you to basically ask for an outside opinion, that I cannot ask from my friends. Despite the sadness, it's quite refreshing to again have such strong feelings for someone. I do feel, though, that I'm making the same mistakes I have made before. Throwing myself blindly in this relationship that, if I'm honest with myself, I think has no future. On my side, I am actually thinking of coming out to my closest friends. I don't think he intends to do something similar. I have actually invited him several times to come meet some of friends (to be introduced as a friend), but he always found excuses not to come. Anyway, this is briefly my story. I have only defined myself as a gay/bi-sexual guy but there is something that I haven't mentioned. I am actually a gay/bi-sexual banker ... :)

Having read this email quite a few times now, I think there are several issues that the reader needs to address.

To start with, is he a genuine bisexual, or a gay guy who's been having relationships with women so as to pretend that he's not gay because of the perceived stigma? If he's bisexual then he should occasionally be lusting after women. I think that the classic bisexual behaviour is serial monogamy but switching each gender each time a relationship ends, weaving an almost incomprehensible web of sexual liaisons because the bisexual guy's partners may well be other male and female bisexuals! But given the way he wrote the email, my suspicion is that the guy might well be gay rather than bisexual. In any case, whether he's gay or bisexual he needs to come to terms with it properly, because it's hard to develop relationships with people of either gender when the foundation of one's own sexuality is uncertain.

Although neither of the guys have properly accepted their sexuality, it sounds like the reader who sent the email is a lot closer to accepting himself that his (boy)friend. I hesitate to use the word boyfriend here, because I think that word implies some kind of commitment between the two of them, and the email gives me the impression that they haven't discussed their relationship properly so I don't think the word boyfriend is appropriate yet. Of course, it's no surprise that they haven't done had that, because before they can discuss their relationship properly they need to be comfortable with themselves. Since none of their friends know about their activities with other guys they're clearly not comfortable yet.

The good thing about the situation is that it sounds as though their love for each other is pushing them towards accepting themselves. I think the best thing they can do is to make progress there before trying to work out what kind of future their relationship has. Thinking about this in heterosexual terms, when straight guys and girls are young teenagers, they play around being each other's boyfriends and girlfriends. However it's usually not until they're getting towards their 20's or older that solid relationships are formed. However old this reader and his (boy)friend actually are, in gay relationship terms they're just young teenagers, so they need both to mature a bit before they should think about whether a real relationship is possible. If the reader has been holding back his feelings for other guys for most of his life, the emotional turmoil within him will be particularly strong now that he's started discovering who he really is. Even though his feelings for his (boy)friend are very deep, if he is still a teenager in terms of gay emotional development he should try and "play the field" and date a few other guys to help his gay personality mature.

Because no commitment exists yet, the reader shouldn't have checked his (boy)friend's mobile phone. That's exactly the kind of thing that young teenagers do, because one can quite imagine John saying to Janet "I saw you kiss James in the playground so I'm not going to be your boyfriend any more"! Whether to have a monogamous or an open relationship would be part of the adult discussion that they can have when they're comfortable with their sexuality.

In the last paragraph, the reader says that he thinks the relationship has no future. The only reason to say that is because the reader has the mind-set of having to hide his sexuality. That was necessary 50 years ago but it's not necessary today. As I said in my previous post, even investment bankers can be openly gay these days :-). However, thriving in a banking environment as an openly gay man requires a much higher a level of confidence than the reader currently has. His strategy there should be to develop his confidence with his friends and family first, and simply avoid telling lies at work. I wrote a post about conversational evasion techniques last year which may be helpful.

Anyway, I see every possibility that the relationship could have a future, if the reader first takes the time to develop the confidence to be an out gay or bisexual guy, and if his (boy)friend does the same. That will take time of course. But if they see each other when they can while the reader is in New York, and if they work on becoming comfortable with their sexuality while they're apart, then by the time the reader returns to London they could well be ready for an adult relationship :-).

Do any other readers have any thoughts for this couple?