The gaydar advantage

I was about to leave a comment on The Muscler's recent post about online dating when I suddenly realised that it would be much better to post my thoughts here instead. The Muscler wants a boyfriend, and not having found one at bars and gyms, he's going to try online. He writes

... most people would say that finding a decent boyfriend/husband via a gay chat website is impossible

and I think he's right that people think that sites like gaydar are just for sex. However, if he approaches it in the right way I think he'll be successful. Indeed, I seem to find all my boyfriends that way!

The initial focus of meeting a guy from these web sites will be for sex of course, and there's nothing wrong with that, in fact that's the key. It's what happens after the sex that's important. To be successful in finding boyfriends this way, it's important to understand the "There's something about Mary" effect. The point is that once you've both unloaded, it's sometimes possible to have very genuine conversations. Whenever that happens, and if I get on well with the guy too, I always wonder whether a deeper friendship or relationship might be possible. Of course it often turns out that the guy is unavailable for whatever reason, for example he may already have a boyfriend and be the type of guy who thinks that one boyfriend is enough. Occasionally though, one finds a nice guy who is available, and then it is possible to develop things further.

By comparison, I really hate idea of formal dating. The "Oh, and what do you do for a living?" kind of conversations that one has on first dates are so DULL. Much better to short circuit the process with some enjoyable activities, get to know the real guy at precisely the moment when he doesn't have anything to hide, and take things from there!