Guys in Speedos

The philosophy of Butters Stotch

A few weeks ago, one of my friends who'd recently found himself a new boyfriend sends me a txt msg:

Hey GB, can't believe you went away on holiday again! Would be good to pop in to see you soon, to chit chat and catch up. I also want to ask your advice about something. xx

I'm intrigued that he needs to ask my advice about something, so I send him a reply to try and find out what's on his mind:

Good to hear from you mate :-). Don't forget that my holidays have been quite short, I didn't take three weeks off like you did! Anyway, what kind of advice do you need? Is it something to do with your new boyfriend? You could come round after work tonight if that helps? GB xxx

I don't have to wait long for his reply:

Yes, it's about me and the bf that I need your advice on, haha. Just a little confused so need to sort my mind out about what I want to do with him. Anyway, tonight would be great, so I will bore you with the story later. Thanx for meeting up :-).

Towards the end of the afternoon we exchange another couple of txt msgs to agree the exact time, and a few hours later we're settling down in my living room with bottle of decent grand cru Chablis to catch up with each other.

"So how's it going with your new boyfriend," I ask, after we've discussed a few less interesting topics.

As soon as I ask this, he catches my eye and almost looks as though he's about to cry.

"Well," he says, taking a deep breath, "let me tell you what's happened ..."

It turns out that the previous week, the new boyfriend had told my friend that he couldn't see any future in their relationship! My friend hadn't seen this coming at all, so he felt completely devastated by the news. However, a couple of days ago the guy had met up with my friend again and told him that he missed him, and that he thought he'd made a mistake.

"So he asked whether we could try being boyfriends again," continues my friend. "Of course I said 'yes', but is that the right decision? How can I trust him again?? I still feel really betrayed after the way he dumped me last week!"

"Well, do you love him?"

"Yes GB, well I certainly did before he dumped me, I really really loved him :-)."

"Love isn't each to find," I reply, "so if you get back together with him, just take it slowly and eventually you should re-build the trust that's been lost :-)."

"But what happens if he dumps me again. I'm not sure I could stand it ..."

I rack my brain to think of a good way to encourage him.

"You know the American cartoon South Park, don't you?"

"Yes, why?"

"Well, have you seen the episode where Stan gets dumped by Wendy, and Butters gets dumped by the girl that he thought was his girlfriend?"

"I'm not sure, why?"

"After Stan gets dumped, he joins the Goth kids and drops out of life. Do you know who the Goth kids are? They're the ones who dress in black and insist that life is pointless! Anyway, when Butters gets told by his 'girlfriend' that she's not his girlfriend after all, Stan and the Goth kids find Butters crying so they suggest that he should join them. But Butters refuses and says that it's 'a beautiful sadness', because the only way he could be this unhappy is if there was something that previously made him very happy, so he's got to learn to take the rough with the smooth."

I pause to let this sink in.

"So bear that philosophy in mind! I think it's an excellent way to approach this kind of situation."

"OK, let me think about that a bit."

"In any case, if you don't give it a go with this guy, you'll always be wondering 'what if?'. Is there anyone else?"

"No," replies my friend, smiling a bit now, "there's no one else!"

"Well that settles it then! Give it a go with this guy :-). But take it slowly. Hopefully he'll bring you happiness. But if it does go wrong at some point, which hopefully it won't, then try to view the way you end up feeling as 'a beautiful sadness' :-)."

We carry on chatting for a while but before too long my friend needs to go, so I see him to the door.

"Let me know how it all goes!"

"Of course, GB :-). And I'd better go and find that episode of South Park to watch, just in case!"

I feel pleased with the outcome after my friend left, but then last weekend, I get a txt msg from him to say that he's not happy with something that his boyfriend has done recently. It sounds like quite a major incident. Although I'm busy, I give him a quick phone call to encourage him to sit down with his boyfriend and discuss what's happened so they can work out how to move forward.

However, the next day, the following txt msg arrives:

GB, it's a beautiful sadness

That can only mean one thing :-(. As soon as I can, I give him a call:

"He ended up saying that this incident brought back into his mind all the reasons that made him dump me in the first place," explains my friend, "so basically I'm dumped again :-(."

"'I'm so sorry to hear that mate," I reply, "How do you feel?"

"Terrible :-(. But I keep thinking about what Butters said in that South Park episode. It's such a good life lesson! Who'd have thought that I'd be learning it from South Park."

When I'm back at my computer, I look up that episode online to refresh my memory as to exactly what Butters said. When the Goth kids invite him to join their clique, Butters replies:

"Yeah... And I'm sad! But at the same time I'm really happy that something can make me feel that sad... It's like... It makes me feel alive, y'know? It makes me feel human. The only way I could feel this sad now, is if I felt somethin' really good before, so I have to take the bad with the good. So I guess what I'm feelin' is, like a beautiful sadness... I guess that sounds stupid... Besides, I'd rather be a crying little pussy than a faggy goth kid!"

Until recently, if anyone had asked me who my favourite South Park character was I'd have answered Cartman, because he's so comically outrageous in everything that he does. But with philosophy like that, I think that in future I'll say that my favourite character is Butters!

On the beach

More from Sexentric

More from Sexentric just after showering!

Sexentric

Thanks to Sexentric for sending me these photos. He says:

I am a 35 year old bisexual with a cut cock. Love the ladies, but find sexy people sexy and like to mix it up with the guys. Very keen to swap pics (seccentric@gmail.com) as I love to see and show, especially hot hard cock!

What makes a cock great?

What, in your opinion, makes a guy's cock look attractive?

Is it all about size? Girth? Cut or uncut? Head shape? Something else?

Since people have seen my cock online, I'm been flattered but a little startled by people who said that my cock is "pretty." I just never thought of a cock being more attractive looking than others. So ... I'd be interested to hear what you think makes one cock more good-looking than another!

Alex-Jayne

I’ve had some requests for more since this post. Well, her name is Alex-Jayne, she is from Australia and I met her a few weeks ago at a conference I was attending. She came and sat next to me at the dinner on the first evening and we got chatting. Whilst she introduced herself as ‘Alex-Jayne’ she told me that most people just called her ‘Alex’, so that’s what I said I’d do too. The dinner was a pretty formal event so when it ended I asked her if she’d join me for a drink at the bar. She replied that she had to just check in with her boss but that she’d meet me there shortly and we went our separate ways.

I was sitting at the bar when she walked in just before 10pm. She sat on the stool next to me and I ordered her a drink as I surveyed her outfit. She was wearing a gray skirt that ended 3” above her knees and a black silk blouse that did very little to hide her lovely breasts. Her blouse had the top 2 buttons undone. Alex crossed her legs and my eyes were drawn to them. She was barelegged. As my eyes came back up to her face she smiled and said “I see you like”. I winked at her and said “Can you blame me? You are one hell of a sexy woman”. She seemed pleased with that.

A few minutes later I felt her foot bump my leg. I assumed it was just an accident from shifting on the stool till I felt her bare foot start to rub against my ankle and up under my trouser leg. “Let’s move over to that booth” she said. I knew that my cock was filling with blood at the thrill of this woman touching me. After we’d moved and settled down opposite each other Alex slid her foot up my leg under the table and placed it directly against my swollen cock. I knew she was enjoying the contact and also my difficulty speaking as she rubbed my hard cock. I dropped my hands down and began to massage her foot in my lap. Alex enjoyed the attention and as I begin the slide my fingers between her toes I heard her utter a small gasp. She withdrew her foot and suggested we danced as there was by now a band playing. When we got back to the booth rather than sitting opposite Alex sat on my lap. We spent the next hour and a half dancing, drinking, talking, and having a great time. Between the dancing and the sitting on my lap there was no doubt in Alex’s mind of how much I wanted her. Every chance she was rubbing against my swollen cock and I could feel the heat of her against me. While she sat in my lap I would rub her bare legs and flex my swollen cock against her. She kept herself positioned so that her sweet pussy mound was riding on my ridged cock and we both enjoyed the sensations.

Finally Alex turned around and we shared our first kiss. Our lips came slowly coming together brushing against each other enjoying the feel of it. The pressure slightly increasing and being unable to help myself I opened my lips and sent my tongue in search of pleasure. Alex resisted just a bit and then opened her mouth and our tongues were doing the sweet mambo with each other. When we finally broke apart we were both slightly out of breath. Alex looked at me and said “Would you like to go upstairs?” I didn’t need a second invite and we left. My heart was pounding as this was someone I wanted to fuck. We entered my room and Alex sat on the bed. I got on my knees before her and removed her sandals. I brought her right foot up and began to kiss each toe individually as I caressed her soft foot. I kept looking into her eyes as I began to slowly suck on her big toe and I saw her eyes get very wide. Then she broke into a huge smile and began to gently wiggle her toe in my mouth as I sucked on it. I gave each toe its own attention and by the time I got to her left foot Alex was panting and I was looking up her skirt and saw a widening dark spot where she was getting wet. As I continued rubbing her soft foot I brought my lips to her knee and began kissing her softly. Looking in her eyes, her foot in my hands, I said “Alex I’ve wanted you all night”. She smiled and said “I know”. As I continued kissing her knees and rubbing her foot I could smell the aroma of her arousal and I knew she was enjoying this very much. I knelt upright and took Alex’s pretty face in my hands, pulling her close, and began to sensually and softly French kiss her again. Alex is an incredible kisser, lips so soft and the pressure of having them against my lips always just perfect. I realized this woman was so perfect I could cum just kissing her lips it felt so good. As we continued kissing I let my hands slide down and I gently unbuttoned her blouse, needing to see those beautiful breasts that I had dreamt about all night. I broke our kiss long enough to remove her blouse and bra. Her nipples were swollen rock hard. I gasped at their beauty unable to speak and could feel my cock twitch. I lowered my head and took her left nipple and breast in my mouth. I softly sucked this soft and silken mound under my lips while I slid my tongue back and forth over the swollen nipple. I used the back of my hand to lightly graze over the swollen right nipple as Alex held my head and allowed me to pleasure her. As I made her breasts feel wonderful I allowed my right hand to drop to her legs and began to very slowly touch and caress her thighs. This was not going to be any rush to her pussy as I wanted her so aroused and needing the touch that I was willing to take my time.

As I touched Alex’s thighs I was amazed at the softness of her skin. As I touched her legs I moved my mouth to her other nipple and began giving it the attention it so richly deserved. Letting my other hand drop I began to lift her skirt and exposing her legs. When I had it high enough that her panties were exposed she spread her legs granting me greater access. I loved touching her, caressing her, teasing her as my hands touched the bare skin but not her pussy. I could sense the heat as my fingers ran up either side of her leg and the sweet smell of her arousal wafted to my nose making me crazy with need for this woman. I took my mouth off her breast and moved my lips to hers, engaging her in another passionate kiss. My hands slid her panties off and she was moaning. I continued touching and teasing her but never actually touching her pussy. I lowered my head and slid my tongue the length of her slit tasting the sweetness of this woman’s pussy. Not only did she taste wonderful but she was extremely wet and as I slowly pushed my tongue into her I heard her cry out “YESSSSSSSSS”. I was determined to make Alex never regret what we were doing and I began making love to her lovely pussy. Using my lips I got hold of her lips and semi chewed them, doing first the right lip and then swiping my tongue up her sweet gash to collect my prize of her sweet pussy juice and then using my lips on her left labial lip. Alex was enjoying this as she kept gently grinding her pussy against my mouth. I curled my tongue tightly and began shoving it into Alex’s sopping wet pussy, using my tongue like a small cock to fuck her as deep as I could get my tongue to go. Her juices just kept coating my face and I revelled in slipping and sliding around her pussy but never losing contact with it. My top lip could feel Alex’s clit against it and I tried to keep the pressure going as my tongue made love to this woman. Alex was a very giving lover, telling me “Yes there” or “More pressure with your lip”. She wanted it and she knew that in me I wasn’t going to quit on her. I watched her stomach tighten and release again and again and I knew she was getting close. She was panting and humping against my face as my tongue was fucking her pussy and I knew it was a matter of seconds now. I moved my lips to encircle Alex’s clit and I sucked on it which drove her over the edge and she began to orgasm. Her hips were thrashing and she was out of control and it took every bit of concentration I had to make sure my lips stayed surrounding her clit. Alex cried out her joy. When she started to come down I stopped licking her pussy and she said “Come up here”. I took off my clothes and climbed up on the bed with her. I was over her looking into her eyes and I leaned down and kissed her mouth gently. The head of my swollen cock was between her legs and I knew it wouldn’t take much to be inside her. Breaking the kiss I raised up slightly looking into her beautiful face. She looked at me and then said the words I was waiting for … “FUCK ME”. No other words were necessary and as I looked into her eyes I began dragging the head of my cock through her sopping wet gash. I could feel her velvet rose petal pussy lips flowering open for my cock. I settled my cockhead into her lips and while barely moving I centred it on the entrance to her pussy. Alex settled her bare feet on my hips as I prepared to enter her. I looked at her and I slowly sank my cock into her, getting about 3” into her and I had to stop. The incredible sensation of having my cock inside her had me on the edge of spurting. I just let my cock soak in her, feeling her tighten around me and massage my cockhead. I pulled back a bit till just the head was still inside and then pushed into her tight pussy once again. The heat of this woman was incredible and with this second plunge I had about 6” into her. Pulling back once again, I paused and then sunk all of my cock into her. She let out a gasp. I just held myself there enjoying the sensation of being inside this woman. The incredible tingles as her pussy worked my cock and seemed to be milking it made me feel so wonderful. I began to start pumping in and out of Alex and it didn’t take long and I felt her pussy flooding as she had another orgasm and she soaked my cock with her lubricant. I was sliding in and out of the softest, hottest, best feeling pussy my cock had ever been in and I knew that I wasn’t going to last long inside her. Alex knew it too and began working her pussy muscles as I thrust in and out of her. She watched my eyes as I pumped in and out of her and when she realized I was starting to get close she started talking. “Fuck me Jamie, give me the cream I need” she moaned which caused my cock to start swelling inside her. “Plant your seed in my pussy” she implored me. Looking into her eyes all I could keep saying over and over was “Oh God Alex”. Again and again I said this to her and Alex begged me to keep fucking her and cum in her pussy. I finally lost it and buried my cock deep inside her, frozen in the moment where I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, couldn’t function. All I could do was let my cock twitch and spurt rope after rope of hot, cum into the womb of this woman who at that moment had complete control over me.

I collapsed on Alex and she just held me against her. As I laid there I could feel her sweet pussy walls milking my cock to get every last drop of cum out of me. I looked at Alex and said “Thank you”. Her smile told me that she enjoyed it as much as I did and she leaned close and we began to kiss.

Alex and I spent most of the next 3 days together. We enjoyed walking around the hotel grounds, we enjoyed dining together and teasing each other in sexual ways that lovers do. And most of all we enjoyed the times of lust we spent together bringing each other to bliss as often as we could. On our final night Alex let me take those photographs so I would have something to wank over later.

Email from a young gay banker

About three weeks ago, I received the following email from another gay banker:

Dear GB,

First of all I wanted to tell you that I'm reading your blog frequently and that I'm enjoying your writing very much. I would even say that it helped me a lot in recent months when I have been finally starting to deal with issues concerning my sexuality.

I guess that you are a very busy man, but I wanted to try and ask for you advice on some issues.

I'll try to briefly summarise my background before presenting you my questions. I'm in my mid twenties, and I'm now starting a new job in one of the banks in the City in a prestigious (and obviously very time-consuming) position. I've lived in London for a while now, although I'm originally not from the UK. I've always had feelings for men and for a few years had a strong relationship with a very good friend back home which also had sexual dimensions. This was unsustainable, however, and it stopped a few months ago.

In parallel, I have finally started to think more seriously about my sexuality (first of all by not saying to myself that the relationship with my friend is a one-off thing) and I am more and more willing to meet other guys. I have registered on Gaydar and Gay Romeo and met a few people and had sex with a couple of them. Although this was, of course, very nice and exciting, I'm starting to think that I do want to try something more meaningful - I understand that it's not that easy to find a relationship, but on the other hand my feeling is that those gay websites are quite time-consuming and do not necessarily have the right crowd for people like myself (as it seems that most people on these websites are looking for very short term things). Also, I would consider myself to be average looking - not bad but certainly not a top male model - and I am not too keen on the very visual and perhaps shallow searching style that prevails on those sites. I do hope that I have a lot to offer other than looks and body etc., and perhaps I would be better able to show this in different contexts.

Anyways, I wanted to ask you if you have any thoughts for a person in my position - i.e. where is the best place to try and meet "like-minded" guys (young professionals, say)? (Assuming that Soho bars are not a very good place for this). My problem is that I am not 100% out yet - certainly not to colleagues in my bank and also not to many people around me - it is a gradual and slow (and painful) process for me. Hence, even though I found out different events that may be suitable for me (e.g. Village Drinks etc.), they do seem a bit too much for a person in my position who do want to keep things a little more discrete at this stage. My time-consuming job is of course another obstacle in this regard.

Sorry for this really long email and any advice would be greatly appreciated. By the way - you mentioned in your blog a while ago that there is a gay bankers social group or something like that - would you be able to provide me with more details? (Again, I'm not sure that it is suitable for someone who wishes to remain discrete but just wanted to ask).

Thanks a lot,

Best regards

When it comes to trying to find a boyfriend, lots of guys seem to have the same concerns about web sites like Gaydar and Gay Romeo that this reader mentions. None the less, I still reckon that one of the best ways to meet other like-minded guys is online. For example, I met ex-boyfriend P on gay.com when I was travelling on a business trip, and I met both ex-boyfriend R and boyfriend T on Gaydar. Fellow blogger Monty in Sydney also met his boyfriend on Gaydar. There's also the web site outeverywhere.com which organises real world social events as well as providing online chat facilities.

It's true that on some of those web sites, many guys are looking for Mr Right Now rather than Mr Right. But then there's also what I've called The Gaydar advantage, which perhaps is just another way of saying that one often finds boyfriends when one least expects it. Actually when I met all of the guys that I refer to as boyfriends in this blog, including ex-boyfriend S, I was only looking for Mr Right Now. My relationship with ex-boyfriend S ended up lasting 18 years! The important thing is to be open to the possibilities as they present themselves, although one also needs a thick skin. If one has an enjoyable encounter with another guy and one finds oneself wanting to see him again, either for a repeat performance or more socially, one mustn't get too upset if the other guy doesn't want to meet.

For now, given his work commitments at the bank, perhaps the most important thing for this reader to do is to work at building confidence with his sexuality as a gay man. In other words, he shouldn't worry too much about looking for a more meaningful relationship just yet, but just aim to get more and more comfortable with who he is. The target is to reach the point where he doesn't mind who knows that he's gay. Success in his job will be an important part of that, because that helps him develop his independence.

Regarding potential boyfriends, I would also suggest that he shouldn't focus too much on other young gay professionals. My experience is that some of the best relationships can involve guys who're very different, so given that he's a young gay professional, the best boyfriend for him may turn out to be in a different category. One problem that can arise when two gay professionals with big careers are boyfriends is that the careers can end up leading them in different directions which ultimately results in the end of the relationship. So for very long term relationships, it can be better if one of the guys has a more flexible career.

The reader also mentions that he doesn't look like 'a top male model'. Thank goodness :-). I don't think that I've ever mentioned it here before, but I really don't like the way so called top male models look. Some of them look so aloof that I can't imagine that I'd have anything in common with them, most of them look like they need a good meal inside them (or more likely many good meals), a lot of them are probably quite dumb, and they've almost always got far too many muscles!

Anyway, I've now emailed this reader to tell him how to find out more about the drinks evening for gay bankers , but does anyone else have any thoughts for him?

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Guys in speedos

What is he thinking about?

Swimming and physics

"So how's your swimming going?" asks a friend of mine over beers last night.

While I was on holiday in Greece recently, I'd posted a couple of progress reports to facebook about learning to swim. Having seen those status updates, my friend knew that I'd been taking lessons from boyfriend T.

"I don't find it easy," I reply, "but basically I can now swim for as long as I can hold my breath :-). Given that a few weeks ago I couldn't swim at all, I think that I'm making reasonable progress!"

"So you can't swim with your head above water at all?" asks my friend, surprised.

"No," I reply, "not yet anyway. I need to keep my head down in the water to make sure that I float!"

"Actually, while I was at the hotel in Mykonos," I continue, "I noticed that the other guests had various different swimming styles. I don't think that I'll ever be able to swim like some of them do."

"Why not?"

"Well, some of them are able to keep their entire head out of the water while they're swimming. I guess it's a type of breast stroke, but they never get their hair wet and they do it so slowly too, perhaps only one stroke a second. I admit that I don't sink now like I used to, but I only just float so I just couldn't keep my entire head dry!"

"I don't think people who swim like that are swimming properly," replies my friend, with a knowledgeable look on his face, "so don't worry. It doesn't matter if you're not able to do that."

"But don't you think that this relates to the basic physics?" I ask, pursuing the subject. "I mean, doesn't it means that people who can do that are much less dense than me? I'm sure that if I had been able to do that then I'd have learned to swim ages ago."

"Actually," I continue, "while I was on holiday, I bet boyfriend T that he couldn't swim like that, keeping his head out of the water the whole time."

"Why?" asks my friend, still chuckling to himself about the fact that I'd admitted to being 'dense'.

"Well he's quite a muscular guy, so I reckoned that means that he's also too dense to swim with his head out of the water the whole time."

"And were you right?"

"Actually it wasn't clear! The first day when he tried, he admitted to me that he couldn't do it. But a few days later he managed to do better, except that he was having to do about three strokes a second to keep his head dry, so I felt that that proved my point :-). Do you think a person's density affects their ability to swim?"

"I suppose it must have something to do with it," he replies, "but I reckon skill is much more important. It's probably 90% skill, and only 10% physics, something like that."

This morning, I did a bit of research using google and found (here) the following question with a couple of answers:

Question: Hi, I would just like to know the average density of a human being. Daphne, aged 16

Answer 1: Well, it's just about the same as that of water, because when you put the average human being in water, he just barely floats in it. Some people (me, for example) can sink or float depending on how much air they hold in their lungs, so their density can vary from just below to just above 1.0 g/cm^3. Grayce

Answer 2: Daphne, do you float in water? Some very muscular people don't. I hope that answers your question. Felix

So do very muscular people have trouble swimming? Or is my friend right after all, so that the physics only accounts for 10% of someone's swimming ability?

In some sense, posting this kind of question on my blog is a bit like 'Ask the audience' on Who wants to be a millionaire! It's not exactly reliable, but nonetheless it's always interesting to see other peoples views :-).

So if anyone has any thoughts on this, I'd be very interested to hear them!

She was a great fuck!

Guys in the shower

What was your first 3 way like?

My first mff was when I was 15, I was fooling around with this one girl for a couple of weeks, and she had me round to her house to watch a movie with her friend and her. She had set me up, and it was a porno and next thing I know I'm throbbing from the movie and they're giggling saying "mmm he got to have both of them" and some teasing comments to try and make me uncomfortable. The one I was seeing lay across me and said something to "aww he's turning red! but this lump says he agrees". I remember the grab she gave my crotch to indicate she meant me poking her as she draped across my lap. She sat up and her friend leaned in and went what this and did the same and laughed when she felt everything shift. She said "I hear from someone you pack a pretty good dick". She smiled at me biting her tongue now rubbing my balls and cock through my jeans. I smiled and said "now who would tell you such a thing?" The one I was messing with laughed and mocked "who indeed!" as she grabbed my head which was what I thought was secretly sticking above my belt into my belly button under my shirt. The girls started to laugh and we started to make out. They undid my pants and played giggling and cooing over my cock from either side of me. They got to the floor and had me stand up as they took turns sucking me off. I blew my load all over the friend's face and they made out licking each others lips. I then took turns fingering and face fucking the two girls till I was rock hard again. I lay on the couch as the friend sat on my face and my girl rode me till she came, then the friend hopped on and I fucked her as the other watched. We fucked around for like 3 hours till she got a call from her parents asking what kind of pizza they should pick up on the way home from work. She said her and her friend wanted a cheese, and when she asked me I said meat lovers which made them laugh till her mother just said OKAYYYYY and hung up on them.

Guys in Speedos

Came across these on the Internet the other day.

These are some hot fucking boys

Gym and underwear

Do you think about what underwear you will wear, or NOT wear, to the gym?

I find that when I'm going to the gym I'm more conscious about my underwear. I guess it's because other guys will be seeing them when I change. I don't like to look like a slob in public with clothing, so I guess the feeling extends to my underwear as well.

Nice cock!

Message from a guy who hasn't had much luck online

For a long time now, I've had a gaydar account that's associated with this blog. However, I rarely log on to that account, so if anyone sends me a message to that account it could be many months before I pick it up. None the less, the last time that I logged in I found that someone had sent me an advice request using the gaydar online message system. The message was as follows:

Dear GB,

First of all, I've been following your blog for about a year now and I must admit that at the beginning I didn't quite understand how you had a boyfriend yet engaged in certain activities with other guys. Now, though, I understand it.

I think it has to do with the fact that I moved to London only recently from a relatively small university city where there weren't all that many interesting guys.

I was wondering if you could help me out with something. I don't seem to be very successful meeting guys online and rarely receive replies, although when we do meet up live they end up being very interested in me generally. What is it that I do wrong online, am I breaking some strange online etiquette? Generally I just send a message along the lines of "Hi, what's up?". Or is it honestly more to do with my looks/pics?

Oh and if you do end up posting this on your blog or so I'd appreciate it if you didn't link my profile to it even if more points of view would probably be useful.

Thanks a lot for this and keep up the great blogging!

I had a look at his profile and at first I couldn't spot anything wrong with it. He looked like a great guy in his pics, and what he wrote about himself looked good too. So I sent him an encouraging reply, and within a few days I received the following response:

Hi GB,

Thanks for the reply! Might it be that I am using the site for the wrong purpose, by trying to meet people for things other than fun?

Based on your experience as a gay banker, I also had a few other questions.
1. As I have recently started working at a major investment bank, should I remove my facepics from the website?
2. What do you think of pride networks at banks? Should I join the one where I am at? I wonder because I'm afraid the guys might treat me differently, not include me in the banter and such.
Thanks for this,

It was only when I started thinking about his gaydar profile a bit more that I realised that he'd chosen a rather unfortunate profile name. So bad, in fact, that it could well be responsible for the lack of interest he'd been experiencing. Although his profile name had nothing to do with gay life or etiquette, the slang meaning of the English words in his profile name gave completely the wrong impression!

As soon as I realised this, I sent him another email which explained the slang meanings of the words, and suggested that he get himself a new profile name. Again, within a few days I received his response.

Hi GB,

How have you been?

Well I just got back to London and have changed my username. I will keep you updated on how that goes. However, to be honest I must admit that I am meeting up tomorrow with a guy I had been seeing a few months ago so maybe I won't be needing gaydar after all :P

Ah and on different tone, have you thought about starting a column in one of those free papers you get on the tube? I wouldn't mind having something a bit more interesting to read on the way to or back from work! :-)

Have a nice weekend,

If I had more time, it would indeed be interesting to write a regular column in a newspaper, even one of those free ones :-). However, I don't think I'd have time to write a column and write this blog too, so for now I reckon it's best to stick to blogging.

I got that email almost two weeks ago. I then intended to post all this reader's queries within a few days, but perhaps because I was on holiday I didn't get round to it. So a couple of days ago, he sent me another email:

Hey GB,

How's it going? Must be awful coming back to this dreadful London weather, eh? :-)

Well, I haven't met up with anyone from gaydar since changing username but I think it is because I haven't been on there much. I joined a gym and have been spending my evenings there instead. The time I have been on gaydar, though, I have received more messages. I would never have thought a username would make a difference!

Tomorrow I am seeing the guy I had mentioned previously, I think I'm beginning to like him, we'll see. Even if it isn't a long term thing, I think it would do me good to try and see a guy for longer than 2 months for a change. The only thing that confuses guys generally is that although I do seem to have a stiffy all the time, I'm rarely in the mood for sex ahaha (apologies if that was a bit too much information).

I am actually now thinking of going along to the interbank drinks soon. I was kind of seeing this guy last summer and we're now good friends so he told me to come along with him. He invited me to come with him last summer but I was far too apprehensive about being gay then. I have become much more confident of myself over the last few months.

Hope all is well with you,

When I received this email, I decided immediately that I had to post this reader's emails and answer his questions as soon as possible, because he's been waiting for a response from me for far too long!

The good thing about his most recent email is the news that he's been getting more messages on gaydar :-). It seems highly likely to me that this is the result of changing his profile name! So although his original query seems to be solved, he asked me a couple of other questions in one of his subsequent emails.

The first question he asked me was about whether he should keep his face pics on his gaydar profile now that he's started working for a major investment bank. As I said over three years ago, I don't have my face pics on my gaydar profile. However for a guy that's just started his career, with a clean and simple profile that one could show to one's grandmother, I don't think it matters. I've said before that there's no problem being gay in banking these days, and similarly there's nothing wrong with looking for a boyfriend online, so I think it's fine for him to keep his face pics on his profile.

However there are a couple of things that could make him re-consider. Firstly, if he were to make his profile more sexual. Although lots of guys have their face pics on their profiles, guys with very sexual profiles usually have their face hidden. Secondly, another point at which he should re-consider is the point in his career when he starts to have people reporting to him. I think that any online profile is highly personal, so it seems inappropriate to me that such information about me might be accidently discovered by people who work for me.

This reader's other question is about the gay social networks that all the major banks have these days. I think it's fine to join them, and I think it could even help him because it should help develop his confidence about being gay in the banking environment. Indeed, he shouldn't try to hide his sexuality. It's exactly like one anonymous commenter put it in response to a query from a guy who was in much the same situation as this reader. He should just 'be out', when he starts, rather than worrying about making a big deal about 'coming out' :-). This should earn him respect, and that's all one needs to be included in the office banter.

The last thing on my mind in connection with this reader's emails is his statement that although he seems to have a stiffy all the time, he's rarely in the mood for sex. If I was this reader's boyfriend, that would certainly confuse me! But is it too much information for his email to me? Not at all, because I reckon that those kind of details are the things that many readers of this blog love to hear about!

Anyway, does anyone else have any thoughts on this reader's queries?

Cute guy in the locker room

In the locker room

Stetching

Adviana Got Fucked

Most promiscuous act when she found out you're hung

I am curious to know what is the most promiscuous thing that a woman has ever done after she found out or suspected that you were well endowed? Over the years several woman have tried to reach their hands down my pants. Another once pulled my cock out in a semi public place and started giving me head.

The Rugby League Challenge Cup

I think that I've only mentioned my little gambling addiction here on one previous occasion, because when I had dinner with LWW it was one of the things that we talked about. I'm a member of a gambling syndicate, and just over two weeks ago, all the members of the syndicate that I belong to receive the following email from one of the gambling web sites that we use:

Hi Chaps,

The reason for the mail is basically that I have some hospitality planned at Wembley this weekend for the final of the Challenge Cup, and I would be delighted if you would like to join me on the day? I am not sure if Rugby League is your cup of tea but this promises to be a great day out.

Can you please let me know ASAP as these will go very quickly and I have to work on a first come first served basis.

All the very best,

W

Even though I've never been particularly interested in Rugby League, none the less I'm interested to go to see the cup final. The big finals of any type of sport always have a good atmosphere, so even if one doesn't follow the sport, as W said in his email it should be a good day out. Of course, it would also be nice to see the other guys in my gambling syndicate, but before I can contact any of them one of them sends me the following email:

I'm not available, and if I was, he's quite right, rugby league isn't my cup of tea at all; this is a prestige event though. Have you any interest in sweaty muscular young men wrestling with one another?

Well indeed, apart from the good atmosphere at such an event, there's also the homo-erotic aspect :-). Although all the other guys in my gambling syndicate are straight, needless to say they all know that I'm not!

It turns out that none of the other guys can make it, but I decide that it would be fun to go along anyway. When my host W from the gambling web site realises that I'm the only guy in the syndicate that's going to be able to go, he sends me another email to tell me that I can bring a friend if I want. So I send boyfriend T a txt msg:

Hey boyfriend, one of the web sites that my gambling syndicate uses has invited me to the Rugby League cup final next Saturday. I can bring a friend too, so do you want to come with me? We might have to pretend to be straight and talk about sport and cars LOL, but there'll be lots of hospitality, i.e. food and drink :-). Some British guys would probably kill for this opportunity! Anyway, let me know ASAP, GB xxx

Unfortunately with our impending holiday to Greece, boyfriend T has too much to do, so it's just going to be me after all.

In the UK, Rugby League is a sport that's predominately played in the north of England. So on the day, I get various emails and txt msgs from the other guys in my gambling syndicate, which would be interpreted as racist if one could regard people who live in that part of the UK as a separate race:

Make sure you take a flat cap and a black pudding to Wembley today, that way you'll be indistinguishable from all the other northern rugby league supporters.

and

If there's a lull in the conversation I'd try talking about whippets, or pigeon racing.

But of course they don't mean any harm, it's just the same kind of playground humour that teases me by asking me whether I'm interested in "sweaty muscular young men wrestling with one another"!

On the day, while I'm in a taxi on my way to the event, I start wondering what to do if any of the guys that I meet at the event ask me if I'm married. In my txt msg to boyfriend T, I was thinking that at such an event we'd have to play straight, but with a bit of thought I realise that that would be wrong. The only reason to play straight is so that the straight guys won't feel uncomfortable! But in fact it's important for gay guys to come out whenever they can, so that the population at large can see that we're no different from anyone else, and that gay guys are everywhere. So I promise myself that I won't pretend to be straight.

Within half an hour, I've met my host W and we're making our way up the escalators inside Wembley and into a smart room where lunch is being served.

"So are there many people in our party?" I ask W.

"There'll just be six of us today :-)," replies W, "and you're the third to arrive."

Soon I'm chatting to W and his other two guests about sports and gambling. It turns out that apart from W, none of us are big Rugby League fans, but like me they've all just come along for the occasion and a good day out. As we continue to chat, it seems highly unlikely that anyone will ask me about my personal background. A bit later, when the match starts, luckily one of these guys knows the rules well and is able to explain exactly what's going on.

"It's quite exciting, isn't it :-)," I remark casually after about 20 minutes.

"Actually I think they designed the Rugby League rules to try and keep the game moving," he replies, "so it's deliberately designed to be as exciting as possible!"

We have a few more drinks during the interval, and then during the second half, I find myself sitting next to W. However, after about ten minutes, W suddenly asks me the key question:

"Are you married, GB?"

So, here it is after all. What on earth do I say? All the other guys that we're with are watching the match, and with the noise of the crowd, only W will be able to hear my reply.

"Actually, I split up from my long term partner last year," I reply slowly.

I know that using the word 'partner' should raise the possibility in his mind that I'm gay. Straight guys would naturally say wife, or girlfriend, or fiancé! But summoning up the courage that I promised myself, I decide that I can't leave it there.

"But I've got a new boyfriend now :-)," I continue.

For the next ten minutes W is silent. Perhaps he doesn't know any gay guys and is stunned to realise that he's sitting next to one! So I start to make a bit of conversation about the match and soon he's chatting with me like before.

At the end of the match, one W's other guests makes a comment about the two teams:

"Warrington played well, they made Huddersfield look like a bunch of poofters!"

More playground humour, just like I get from the guys in my gambling syndicate. W looks at me slightly nervously, wondering what I'll make of the comment but I just smile :-). I hate political correctness, so it doesn't matter to me what language people use!

Hot guy on the beach!