Over the last few weeks, I've been in email correspondence with a gay South East Asian guy who's in his early 20's, and who only accepted that he was gay a few months ago. He currently living in London, and he's written a short story about a recent trip that he had to Amsterdam. However, the story goes into more explicit detail that I usually post here so be warned. But for readers who don’t mind a story with some sexual content, click here.
With a mechanical feel to my movements, which was strangely instinctual at the same time, I find myself in one of the quieter alleys of Amsterdam standing in front of the sauna entrance. Rainbow flags wave freely all over the city signifying all the struggles many of us still face, the freedom many of us long for, and the rights only some of us now have. Many more will live their lives not ever knowing. Pride just ended and I deliberately missed it. I am gay and I am scared.
I look over my shoulders to see if anyone will see me walk into the place.
"19 euros", says the man behind the counter.
My urges were now on a collision course with my reasoning. Adrenaline kicks in. I am doing this.
"Do you have towels?", all I can muster pretending I'm used to all this sauna business.
I make my way to the changing rooms not knowing what to expect. In a place like this, I quickly begin to understand there is no time for that kind of reflection. At the lockers, the eyes of several men dart across the room toward me. I pretend to not notice. I change quickly and wrap a towel around my waist. I suddenly realize how small the towels are. Deliberately small.
I am now walking sex bait.
For the next 30 minutes, I explore the area. Floors of dark room mazes, a bar, a restaurant, a swimming pool, a sauna, a jacuzzi, a lounge area, a mini cinema, and a massage area amongst other things. I am perplexed by what I see and equally amazed by how the place was structured so a 'routine' can be possible. I quickly learn that you just have to walk around like you were doing grocery shopping. Only, instead of taking items of the shelves, people grab your ass or give you a piercing eye-to-eye contact. By the time I finish the dark room mazes, I look behind to see a line of at least 4 men tailing me from behind. Once again I pretend to not notice amidst all the grabbing and touching.
I decide to sit down at the lounge area which overlooks the entrance to the whole area. 'What am I doing here?' my reasoning kicks in. Men start to flock in and occupy the seats near me. They are now looking at me and I feel very uncomfortable. I run out of things to pretend to look at. I pick up a Dutch newspaper and get myself sucked into the surreal oblivion.
All of the sudden he walks in. He looks a bit mature and continental. His body was not bad at all, perhaps an ex gym rat by the distinct lines of definition only weathered by age. My guess is that he's Dutch ... if men were meat, then Dutch men look like they've been marinated for a long time ... beautiful and 'appetizing'.
He walks pass me and turns to look. I give him a smile and he returns it. I shift in my seat indicating that the space I just made was for him. He sits down next to me.
"Hi", I say shyly.
"Hello", he replies with a smile.
"I am new here and I've never been to a sauna before", I play the innocent card because in all honesty I am entitled to it.
"Oh? I come here from time to time, it is quiet now but it will get busy later."
I move closer. He does so too. I try to engage in small talk. I don't think I am supposed to.
"I'm from London, you?", I'm thinking that would be a good start. I hope I don't kill the moment.
"I'm from around here, but further away from the central area", he answers maintaining that kind of eye contact.
"Oh wow! You can probably give some pointers then. It was so hot outside I decided to pop in, but like I said I know nothing about saunas!", yes that card again.
"Just stay safe ... the statistics they give us show that a high percentage of men who go to these places are HIV positive. Just practice safe sex and you'll be fine."
The notion strikes me very hard. Do I think this is all a game?. This could be one of those things I will regret for the rest of my life.
I remain quiet for the next few minutes while he caresses my whole body with his eyes. He begins to move closer ... and closer ... until I could feel his breath. I look up and we kiss. My hands playfully make their way across his chest to feel his nipples while his hands wasted no time on my chest, oh no, they were down there already. I get really hard and I wonder if he is hot as well. I place my right hand on his lap and make my way up his towel. Hard and silky wet. Somehow I make it more than it already was and we both enjoy every second of it. Bliss.
After 10 minutes of kissing and touching we stop and get out of each others' embrace.
"Hey, I'll see you later?", he says getting up.
"Yeah you will."
I am still melting from the kiss because I don't get kissed a lot. Or at all. On a time scale, I've only had my first kiss 3 months ago. Since then I hadn't kissed anybody else. I reason with the situation that he didn't want to get off yet because he had just come in, so maybe he will calm down first and get more action later. I must be right ...
About half an hour later, after I gain a bit of confidence, and after more ass grabs, I find him in the mini cinema watching a porn movie and slowly stroking himself. I smile at him as I make myself comfortable in the seat next to him. We were in the first row of seats in front of the big screen. No conversational exchanges this time, just visceral driven eye contact. By this time the line of men following me from behind grew to a smallish crowd of 8. My impromptu fan club stay and linger around pretending to watch the movie as well.
I find my hand resting on his left thigh. After teasing him for a few minutes, he gets really hard again and stands up. I remain in my seat and he leans forward to kiss me.
The kissing grows to a wilder, wetter and more sensual exchange. The kiss in the lounge area looked like a good night kiss compared to this kiss. If I could put it in words, then I would say we were gorging on each others' mouths. I quickly remind myself that we are blocking everyone's view in the mini cinema. Until it hits me that we are now the view. I stop worrying and prepare myself to give the other men a good show.
He takes his towel off and began stroking himself while kissing me. My hands rub his back up and down. I move from one erogenous zone to the next (I had googled this a long time ago! What a pay off!). Our lips maintain. He starts to stroke himself faster and harder and I move one of my hands down there to slow him down. Hard and wet like before. I get myself out of the stalemate kiss and start to kiss and lick his upper body. I keep the tempo steady and enjoy his chest area.
I manage a sideways glance to catch a glimpse of the little crowd. It's bigger! They're all staring and touching themselves!
His hands were around my face now and he moves his face closer to mine and starts to kiss me again. I caress his hard and chiseled thighs and feel his perfect torso. As he gets closer to climax I tell myself to make my next moves count. I stimulate his nipples with one hand and squeeze his balls softly with the other.
He moans.
Louder and louder.
His stroking ... faster and harder.
"Aaaah!", that's him.
"Mmm", that's me, with 'him' all over my chest.
The fear is somehow forgotten. I embrace the moment like the first few drops of rain after a drought. I am in Amsterdam. I am free. I have a right. I am gay and I am not scared anymore.
After cleaning himself up (and me), he begins to touch me. I gently take his hands off me.
"It's okay", I say to him with a smile. "You don't have to stay", I have no intention of relieving myself anytime soon.
He smiles and kisses me again before he leaves. My small crowd disperses and I have no doubt that some of them are now washing themselves up in the shower. A few remain though ... watching ... staring.
I quickly get up to use the showers and get freshened up. 'Not time to leave yet', hello there new reasoning. I start to make my way up to the lounge area again, 'He said it will get busier', mind and body now one.
After sitting around for 5 minutes, I get up and start with the dark room mazes again.
This time with an intensified sexual conviction.
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