About a week and a half ago, I received the following e-mail:
Dear GB
I am a 22 year old gay male in a relationship with another guy for nearly four years now. I am out to my family and friends but by partner is not out to anybody, and it makes it very awkward as we live together. We often have to pretend that I am not there with him if somebody rings, and also leave the house if one of his friends is coming over. He says that he will come out and that all he needs is for me to give him time. I'm not sure if he really will come out though, as he is 42 years old and I am his first homosexual relationship. He tells me that he has always known that he was gay, but found it hard to admit in the early stages of his life and then it got to a point where he found it too difficult to come out at all. His last relationship was with a woman for three years and he claims that he rarely slept with her but I do occasionally get very upset thinking about this.
My partner and I have also never had anal sex with each other as he claims that he is not comfortable with it. I sometimes worry that his extensive past with women and not wanting to come out or have anal sex means that he is not actually gay. He swears that he loves me, but he used to say that to women not that long ago, so how much can it mean? I really need some advice because I have no idea where this relationship is going.
He works in a relatively dangerous place and I sometimes worry that something will happen to him when he is away working. In a make believe situation, if he died, and has still not come out to anybody, would it be right for me to tell everybody about him as I would want to have some part in the funeral and so on. It's a very strange question, but something that I worry about.
I hope to hear from you soon...
I replied immediately, suggesting a Dear GB posting, and asking for his consent. Most readers who send me Dear GB emails reply quite quickly, but in this case no reply arrived. The reader must have been discussing everything with his boyfriend because while I was debating whether or not to do a Dear GB posting anyway, the following email landed in my inbox:
Dear GB,
I have now spoken to my boyfriend, and sort of come to an agreement. He has told me that he won't say or do things purely to appear straight. He doesn't feel like there is any need to actually tell people about himself being gay, but we have agreed that if anybody asks he has to tell them the truth.
So basically he said that he won't hide the fact, but won't go spreading it either, as he believes it's nobodys business but ours. I asked what happens in the future with our relationship, and he told me that he believes eventually everybody will just come to know. He also said that after some time when they do, I will be able to come to family functions and so on.
Sometimes I think that he finds it harder to come out because of the extra fact that I am so much younger than him. The fact that he was with women until we met only four years ago means that he was still with women when he was 38! It's sounds stupid but I worry a lot that he mightn't even be gay, even though he talks about buying a house together but won't officially tell anybody he's gay and just wants to let them figure it out for themselves.
Even though we had this chat now, I would still like your thoughts if possible. Thank you!
Unless I'd received a reply asking me not to, I was probably going to post the first email anyway, because I always try and make sure that there's no way the person who emailed me can be identified so I don't see what harm there could be. But it's better to have consent of course. The whole situation raises some fascinating issues.
It seems to me that the reader's boyfriend has a lot of self-loathing in relation to his homosexuality. I decided before the second email arrived that the fact that the boyfriend had got this far probably meant that he is gay, and the fact that the boyfriend has made some concessions now seems to confirm my thoughts. None the less, it's clear that he's still very uncomfortable with it.
I don't think the fact that the boyfriend hasn't had anal sex with the reader necessarily indicates anything other than his dislike for being gay. I reckon anal sex is one of the first things that homophobes think about with disgust when they think about gay guys, so given that the boyfriend has been a gay homophobe, perhaps it's not surprising that he hasn't had anal sex with the reader. When I've been cruising online I've definitely had gay guys say to me that they don't enjoy anal sex, however the implication is that they've done it and just don't like it, whereas perhaps the reader's boyfriend has never tried. I reckon being gay is about who you love emotionally rather than how you express that love physically, because there are lots of ways of enjoying the physical company of another guy.
For me, the most upsetting aspect of the reader's first e-mail is the way his boyfriend's homophobia has affected their life together. After living with the guy for four years, it really shouldn't be necessary to pretend that he's not there when the boyfriend takes a phone call, and worse, to leave his home when the boyfriend has a visitor. It's not clear from the second email whether this will continue to be the case, hopefully not.
Also, given that the fact that the boyfriend doesn't like himself in relation to being gay, the fact that he works in a relatively dangerous place is worrying. It's easy to imagine a situation where the boyfriend takes some inappropriate risk on a day that he's feeling particularly bad about being gay, and has an accident. The reader is right to worry about this, because if the boyfriend was involved in a fatal accident, the reader would be in a terrible position if he's the partner that nobody knows about. When a close friend or family member dies, it's important to be able to grieve properly to help get over the loss, and this would be almost impossible for the reader in this situation.
I've never met a single gay person who's not been much much happier after they've come out to all their friends and family, so I think it's right for the reader to try and push his boyfriend down this path. Although the reader must love his boyfriend to still be with him in these circumstances, it's less clear how much the boyfriend loves the reader. Looking at it another way, how much can the boyfriend love the reader given that he has made him live as the unseen partner for so long? If the recent progress stalls, I think this has to be the key point in the subsequent discussions between the reader and his boyfriend: "If you love me you wouldn't make me pretend that I'm not your boyfriend"!
However, I'm not so sure that there's no need to tell anyone about their relationship. An important milestone in the development of this situation will be the agreement that the reader never ever has to leave the house when the boyfriend's friends visit. Perhaps the reader's presence can be explained away as a housemate, but the familiarity between them makes this seem unlikely to me. So if there are friends or family of the boyfriend that visit regularly, a discussion about how the reader's presence can be explained would be a good idea in the context that the boyfriend has agreed not to do anything purely to appear straight. Better still, a discussion about a strategy of coming out to them properly seems appropriate. If the reader can get his boyfriend to make a plan in this respect, then the reader can then monitor progress in relation to this plan, and slowly help him to come out.
Going forward, if every time the reader brings up this subject the boyfriend says "I don’t want to talk about it any more, I'll do everything in my own time" then it's clear that in reality the boyfriend is stuck and not moving forward. Perhaps getting the boyfriend to come out becomes the taboo topic of conversation, but even in these circumstances I think it's important for the reader to keep raising the subject. If the boyfriend becomes angry then so much the better, because it might help bring the situation to a conclusion. I don't think the reader should be scared of this, although if the boyfriend owns the home they share, if things are going in the wrong direction perhaps the reader should somehow make provisional arrangements to move out in case the boyfriend forces him out. If that happens, or if the boyfriend becomes violent, then a choice has been made and the reader must move on however painful that may be.
Whatever happens, I don't think that the reader should take matters into his own hands and out the boyfriend at all. That is likely to end the relationship for sure, and be very counterproductive for all involved. Persuading and helping the boyfriend to come out is a much better strategy.
Given that they've been together for four years, it does seems sensible to try and make the relationship work. But no one should have to pretend that they don't exist, so this situation can't last much longer. Hopefully the second email proves that progress in the right direction has been made.
Does anyone else have any thoughts on this subject?
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Saturday, May 5, 2007
Meritocracy rules
Today's Guardian article Outed in the City was an interesting read, and not just because there's a small quote from me about being with heterosexual colleagues in lap-dancing clubs!
I disagree strongly with Ivan Massow because he's quoted recommending that people stay closeted. On the other hand I agree strongly with the sentiments of Lee Marshall, an openly gay senior manager at Ernst & Young, where he says that "insecurities prevent [people] being open about their sexuality at work."
This is exactly the point I was making in yesterday's posting "The gay lifestyle black belt". This has got everything to do with the people's own personalities and their own confidence levels, and much less to do with the way other people treat them. Some people behave as though they're victims, and because that's what they expect, that the end result they get. In the language of yesterday's posting, the gay people at the highest levels of gay lifestyle competence have the opposite approach, and this genuinely makes them immune to homophobic behaviour so they're free to achieve their full potential.
It's true that some gay guys may leave the City because they're tired of homophobic comments and abuse. They've let themselves be victims, they've allowed any insults to hit their mark, so they're lacking one of the skills needed to succeed in that job. But to succeed in any modern job a huge number of skills are needed, and trying to pretend that everyone is able to do every job is plainly ridiculous. Meritocracy rules, and although most of the time everyone gets the same chance, the fact that everybody's skills set is different means that some jobs are not suitable for some people.
I also don't believe that gay people have an extra burden to carry. Everyone these days has to juggle a huge number of commitments. A gay guy who's not yet fully comfortable with being gay has one burden to carry, but then a straight guy who's got young children will have a lot of family pressures.
Being gay is just one aspect of our lives, but there are other aspects to the lives of people who're not gay. Everyone has lots of stuff on their plate. Just deal with it and stop whinging!
I disagree strongly with Ivan Massow because he's quoted recommending that people stay closeted. On the other hand I agree strongly with the sentiments of Lee Marshall, an openly gay senior manager at Ernst & Young, where he says that "insecurities prevent [people] being open about their sexuality at work."
This is exactly the point I was making in yesterday's posting "The gay lifestyle black belt". This has got everything to do with the people's own personalities and their own confidence levels, and much less to do with the way other people treat them. Some people behave as though they're victims, and because that's what they expect, that the end result they get. In the language of yesterday's posting, the gay people at the highest levels of gay lifestyle competence have the opposite approach, and this genuinely makes them immune to homophobic behaviour so they're free to achieve their full potential.
It's true that some gay guys may leave the City because they're tired of homophobic comments and abuse. They've let themselves be victims, they've allowed any insults to hit their mark, so they're lacking one of the skills needed to succeed in that job. But to succeed in any modern job a huge number of skills are needed, and trying to pretend that everyone is able to do every job is plainly ridiculous. Meritocracy rules, and although most of the time everyone gets the same chance, the fact that everybody's skills set is different means that some jobs are not suitable for some people.
I also don't believe that gay people have an extra burden to carry. Everyone these days has to juggle a huge number of commitments. A gay guy who's not yet fully comfortable with being gay has one burden to carry, but then a straight guy who's got young children will have a lot of family pressures.
Being gay is just one aspect of our lives, but there are other aspects to the lives of people who're not gay. Everyone has lots of stuff on their plate. Just deal with it and stop whinging!
Naked in the morning
There was a heavy continuous pounding and tearing sound coming in through an open window. Light came in through the top of my windows. The sound and light both woke me up this morning. My drapes only cover the bottom two-thirds of the window. The top third of the window lets light in even with the drapes closed.
With my eyes still closed, I stretched-out in bed. During the summer, I prefer to sleep naked. Hell, I even prefer to walk around naked. It drove my roommates crazy at college as I walked around not just my shared room, but the entire apartment naked.
I ran my hands across my chest, circling my thumbs around my nipples, then using my fingers to scratch my furry chest. Yawning, I reached down and scratched my hairy nuts, my wood laying on my stomach. Lying there I began rubbing my cock between my thumb and fingers. I let out a little moan as precum began to cover my fingers. With my right hand, I scratch my pubes, and then brought them up to my nose for a sniff of sweaty crotch as I licked the precum off my right-hand fingers.
I swiveled, sitting on the edge of my bed. I have medium brown hair on my head, underarms, arms and legs. My chest, stomach and pubes (and I assume ass) hair is a dark brown. I just recently had my head nearly completely shaved for the summer.
I pushed off from the bed, standing up and stretching. It was then I saw the source of the loud pounding sound as my heart skipped a few beats. Working on our neighbour's roof were three young constructions workers.
I stood there frozen. Completely naked. Staring at these three studs thinking I bolted out of my door and down the hall to the bathroom. Small wonder, no problem being naked in front of friends or roommates, but I get cock shy around strangers. The last thing I needed was for my mom to see me running through the house cock and balls bouncing. I ducked into the bathroom and took a piss. My cock had gone from rock hard when I was standing in my room to half flaccid. As I thought about those men seeing me naked, my cock jumped and started getting hard again. I heard my mom leave through the front door for the day. "Oh well." I thought. maybe those guys will go on break soon. I jumped in the shower to kill some time.
A while later, I was drying myself off and hung up my towel. (Why I didn't wrap the towel around me or use it to hide myself, I'll never know). I went down the hall to my door and peaked around. The men were gone. Shame, maybe I could have gotten up the courage to have some fun. I hit play on the DVD and started a bi (MMF) porno. I also bent over and brought up another porn video (frat boys fucking drunk chicks at parties) on my computer.
"Nice." I heard a deep voice behind me. I spun around my hard cock bouncing around. Three sweaty construction studs, the guys I saw out my window, were standing in my bedroom doorway. "Mom didn't lock the door when she left." the first guy smiled. "Wonder if she knows what her little boy does when she leaves for the day?" The second asked. "Not so little." said the third as he stepped forward and slapped my hard cock around. "Not so big either." replied the first, rubbing his cock through his pants.
The first guy was taller than me with very broad shoulders, dark hair and very tan. The second guy had light brown hair was a little shorter then me and the first guy, with little tan. The third guy was about my size with dark blond hair. He had a real deep tan. His sweat covered white shirt stretched over his very muscled upper body. I saw him reach down and adjust himself.
"Can't keep his eyes off your package Mike." the first guy laughed "Wha-" I said shocked. "Or do you like fellow hairy men like Grant?" Mike asked "I-" I couldn't get anything out. "So, Grant, you taking first shots at the nudist or what?" the third guy asked. "Fuck yea Andy. Whose idea was this?" Grant asked
I had backed up against my desk as the words sunk in. Horror on my face. "Fuck yea dude." Grant said stepping forward grabbing my exposed nuts and squeezing. Grant then nut-marched me to the foot of my bed. "We watched you lying naked in bed all morning, must've been hours before your lazy ass got up this morning. Do you always smell yourself? I bet you sniff your jocks and eat your own load when you jack off." I couldn't even answer. My heart was pounding in my chest. My mouth just hung open; my eyes wide.
Grant reached down and ran his fingers through his pubes. Then he brought his fingers to my nose. My cock started leaking precum from his smell. Grant then put his finger in my mouth and began morning it around. Mike stepped forward, grabbing my hard cock. "You put a nice show on for us this morning. You can't believe though how much it fucking sucked to watch you naked from the top of the roof. I couldn't even adjust myself without the entire neighborhood seeing me." "Lucky for you, only we could see." said Andy.
Grant ran his hands across my chest and began pinching my nipples through my shirt. I moaned. "You like that a lot." Grant whispered. "Nice porn." Mike said flipping through some magazines. My eyes darted to my computer and fear was on my face. Andy laughed, "Didn't think we could see your screen. Ha. We saw it all. All the guy-on-girl and guy-on-guy stuff, well, no girls around, so looks like we do the later." Andy laughed. "What would mommy say if she knew her young stud was jerking off to porn? What if she knew her son was about to suck dick like a bitch? And take a nice big cock up his tight asshole?" Andy laughed pushing his middle finger up my ass.
All three guys removed their shirts. Grant was just as hairy as I was, maybe a little more with really furry armpits but small nipples. Mike was hairless except for a little treasure trail from his navel that disappeared in his pants. Mike had the deepest tan and largest nipples I'd ever seen on a guy in real life or on the computer. Andy's chest was lighter than his arms and face, had a very light patch of hair in the middle of his chest and around his nipples. Andy was even skinnier without his shirt. Grant reached out and pushed my face into his chest. He smelled like the great sweaty man he was. With his free hand Grant dropped his pants. I was then pushed down to my knees with Grant's bulge stretching his boxer briefs. I leaned forward and started to suck him through his underwear. "Fuck that!" Grant laughed dropping the boxer briefs. His cock shot up and slapped me in the face. All three guys laughed. Grant grabbed his cock and began slapping me with it. "If only momma could see you now" Grant laughed. Mike and Andy stripped down while Grant face fucked me. Grant began forcing his entire cock down my throat. I choked a little at first, and then relaxed around it, my nose buried in his hairy bush. "Breath!" Grant commanded. I took deep breaths of the sweaty jock smell. I didn't' think my cock could get harder but it did. "Damn he's practically pissing precum." Andy said. In not time at all, I heard him moaning, felt his cock tense, then fill my mouth with warm stud sauce. I swallowed and kept licking Grant's cock head as more cum came out. "Oh." Grant shivered as my tongue ran across his sensitive head.
Grant moved over to sit on my bed as Mike stepped up. He was breathing deeply as I took Mike's half hard cock in my hand. Mike's cock head was covered by his foreskin; I wasn't sure what to do. I took the thing in my mouth and began using my tongue. "You need to pull it down." Mike said. "You can use your hand to jerk me off too." I let his cock plop out, then reached up and pulled back the skin, exposing the cock head. Mike's cock head seemed really sensitive as I played with it with my fingers and tongue. I licked down Mike's shaft burying my nose in his pubes. Damn! I thought this stud smells great. I worked my way down to his nuts and began taking each in my mouth. "Fuck, I didn't get my nuts sucked." Grant complained. "You came to early." Mike teased, "No control." "Grr." Grant growled. I went back up to Mike's cock, but it had retreated back into the foreskin. I started jacking off Mike watching the head disappear, then pop out. I began circling the head with my tongue. "FUCK!" Mike startled pushing his entire package down my throat. I felt his cock filling my throat with his load. As Mike pulled out, I licked the last of his load from his shaft and head.
I turned to Andy for his blowjob. Andy had a pair of large low hangers. "You're not sucking my dick." Andy said grabbing me under the arms and standing me up. He marched me to the bed and pushed me down, with my head next to Grant's ass. I felt something cool down my ass, then a large pressure on my asshole. "Always carry pocket lube." Andy said, forcing his cock up my tight ass. Grant repositioned himself so his balls and as were in my face. "Now it's time to lick my nuts." Grant said. I took Grant's hairy nuts in my mouth as Andy's cock head began stretching out my asshole. Grant pushed my head lower. Next thing I knew my tongue was lapping Grant's asshole. Just then Andy pushed forward sinking his entire shaft up my ass. "So, momma's boy, cock up your ass, you tongue stuck up another man's ass, and your cock's rock hard. Damn. You just watch this pussy porn to see naked straight studs?" I shook my head no. "Oh, so you fuck pussy?" I shook my head yes. "Now you're our pussy. No more pussy for you unless you want Mike's video on the Internet and sent your Mom on DVD." I looked up and saw Mike had his cell phone taking a video of me eating ass and getting fucked.
After Andy let my ass get used to his invasion, he began pulling out then slamming forward. Mike tapped Grant on the shoulder. "My turn." Grant got up reluctantly. Andy began pounding my ass right as I began exploring Mike's ass with my tongue. I could feel (and hear) Andy's nuts slapping against me with each thrust. Andy started giving me a reach around. "Going to toss your load, dude. While you're getting fucked AND eating ass!" Andy yelled. Andy began slapping my ass with his free hand. I looked up from Mike's ass into my mirror and could see Andy fucking me. When Andy noticed, he smiled brought his hands behind his head and began slamming my ass. I came right there. Mike pushed my head back down to his ass. Andy squeezed the end of my cock as my ass squeezed against Andy's cock. I could feel Andy's cock cumming in my ass.
Andy pulled out, then ordered "Hey, clean this." He pointed to his cock. I knelt down and took the studs cum and ass covered cock, cleaning off the juices. Looking up I froze. Six more construction workers were sitting on the neighbour’s roof watching me clean the cock that just fucked my ass. "Here." Mike flipped me on my back pushing my legs over his shoulders, getting ready to enter me. I saw Grant give a wave. Three construction guys stood up and began making their way down the ladders. "Time for the second shift." Grant smiled as Mike's uncut cock slid into my ass.
With my eyes still closed, I stretched-out in bed. During the summer, I prefer to sleep naked. Hell, I even prefer to walk around naked. It drove my roommates crazy at college as I walked around not just my shared room, but the entire apartment naked.
I ran my hands across my chest, circling my thumbs around my nipples, then using my fingers to scratch my furry chest. Yawning, I reached down and scratched my hairy nuts, my wood laying on my stomach. Lying there I began rubbing my cock between my thumb and fingers. I let out a little moan as precum began to cover my fingers. With my right hand, I scratch my pubes, and then brought them up to my nose for a sniff of sweaty crotch as I licked the precum off my right-hand fingers.
I swiveled, sitting on the edge of my bed. I have medium brown hair on my head, underarms, arms and legs. My chest, stomach and pubes (and I assume ass) hair is a dark brown. I just recently had my head nearly completely shaved for the summer.
I pushed off from the bed, standing up and stretching. It was then I saw the source of the loud pounding sound as my heart skipped a few beats. Working on our neighbour's roof were three young constructions workers.
I stood there frozen. Completely naked. Staring at these three studs thinking I bolted out of my door and down the hall to the bathroom. Small wonder, no problem being naked in front of friends or roommates, but I get cock shy around strangers. The last thing I needed was for my mom to see me running through the house cock and balls bouncing. I ducked into the bathroom and took a piss. My cock had gone from rock hard when I was standing in my room to half flaccid. As I thought about those men seeing me naked, my cock jumped and started getting hard again. I heard my mom leave through the front door for the day. "Oh well." I thought. maybe those guys will go on break soon. I jumped in the shower to kill some time.
A while later, I was drying myself off and hung up my towel. (Why I didn't wrap the towel around me or use it to hide myself, I'll never know). I went down the hall to my door and peaked around. The men were gone. Shame, maybe I could have gotten up the courage to have some fun. I hit play on the DVD and started a bi (MMF) porno. I also bent over and brought up another porn video (frat boys fucking drunk chicks at parties) on my computer.
"Nice." I heard a deep voice behind me. I spun around my hard cock bouncing around. Three sweaty construction studs, the guys I saw out my window, were standing in my bedroom doorway. "Mom didn't lock the door when she left." the first guy smiled. "Wonder if she knows what her little boy does when she leaves for the day?" The second asked. "Not so little." said the third as he stepped forward and slapped my hard cock around. "Not so big either." replied the first, rubbing his cock through his pants.
The first guy was taller than me with very broad shoulders, dark hair and very tan. The second guy had light brown hair was a little shorter then me and the first guy, with little tan. The third guy was about my size with dark blond hair. He had a real deep tan. His sweat covered white shirt stretched over his very muscled upper body. I saw him reach down and adjust himself.
"Can't keep his eyes off your package Mike." the first guy laughed "Wha-" I said shocked. "Or do you like fellow hairy men like Grant?" Mike asked "I-" I couldn't get anything out. "So, Grant, you taking first shots at the nudist or what?" the third guy asked. "Fuck yea Andy. Whose idea was this?" Grant asked
I had backed up against my desk as the words sunk in. Horror on my face. "Fuck yea dude." Grant said stepping forward grabbing my exposed nuts and squeezing. Grant then nut-marched me to the foot of my bed. "We watched you lying naked in bed all morning, must've been hours before your lazy ass got up this morning. Do you always smell yourself? I bet you sniff your jocks and eat your own load when you jack off." I couldn't even answer. My heart was pounding in my chest. My mouth just hung open; my eyes wide.
Grant reached down and ran his fingers through his pubes. Then he brought his fingers to my nose. My cock started leaking precum from his smell. Grant then put his finger in my mouth and began morning it around. Mike stepped forward, grabbing my hard cock. "You put a nice show on for us this morning. You can't believe though how much it fucking sucked to watch you naked from the top of the roof. I couldn't even adjust myself without the entire neighborhood seeing me." "Lucky for you, only we could see." said Andy.
Grant ran his hands across my chest and began pinching my nipples through my shirt. I moaned. "You like that a lot." Grant whispered. "Nice porn." Mike said flipping through some magazines. My eyes darted to my computer and fear was on my face. Andy laughed, "Didn't think we could see your screen. Ha. We saw it all. All the guy-on-girl and guy-on-guy stuff, well, no girls around, so looks like we do the later." Andy laughed. "What would mommy say if she knew her young stud was jerking off to porn? What if she knew her son was about to suck dick like a bitch? And take a nice big cock up his tight asshole?" Andy laughed pushing his middle finger up my ass.
All three guys removed their shirts. Grant was just as hairy as I was, maybe a little more with really furry armpits but small nipples. Mike was hairless except for a little treasure trail from his navel that disappeared in his pants. Mike had the deepest tan and largest nipples I'd ever seen on a guy in real life or on the computer. Andy's chest was lighter than his arms and face, had a very light patch of hair in the middle of his chest and around his nipples. Andy was even skinnier without his shirt. Grant reached out and pushed my face into his chest. He smelled like the great sweaty man he was. With his free hand Grant dropped his pants. I was then pushed down to my knees with Grant's bulge stretching his boxer briefs. I leaned forward and started to suck him through his underwear. "Fuck that!" Grant laughed dropping the boxer briefs. His cock shot up and slapped me in the face. All three guys laughed. Grant grabbed his cock and began slapping me with it. "If only momma could see you now" Grant laughed. Mike and Andy stripped down while Grant face fucked me. Grant began forcing his entire cock down my throat. I choked a little at first, and then relaxed around it, my nose buried in his hairy bush. "Breath!" Grant commanded. I took deep breaths of the sweaty jock smell. I didn't' think my cock could get harder but it did. "Damn he's practically pissing precum." Andy said. In not time at all, I heard him moaning, felt his cock tense, then fill my mouth with warm stud sauce. I swallowed and kept licking Grant's cock head as more cum came out. "Oh." Grant shivered as my tongue ran across his sensitive head.
Grant moved over to sit on my bed as Mike stepped up. He was breathing deeply as I took Mike's half hard cock in my hand. Mike's cock head was covered by his foreskin; I wasn't sure what to do. I took the thing in my mouth and began using my tongue. "You need to pull it down." Mike said. "You can use your hand to jerk me off too." I let his cock plop out, then reached up and pulled back the skin, exposing the cock head. Mike's cock head seemed really sensitive as I played with it with my fingers and tongue. I licked down Mike's shaft burying my nose in his pubes. Damn! I thought this stud smells great. I worked my way down to his nuts and began taking each in my mouth. "Fuck, I didn't get my nuts sucked." Grant complained. "You came to early." Mike teased, "No control." "Grr." Grant growled. I went back up to Mike's cock, but it had retreated back into the foreskin. I started jacking off Mike watching the head disappear, then pop out. I began circling the head with my tongue. "FUCK!" Mike startled pushing his entire package down my throat. I felt his cock filling my throat with his load. As Mike pulled out, I licked the last of his load from his shaft and head.
I turned to Andy for his blowjob. Andy had a pair of large low hangers. "You're not sucking my dick." Andy said grabbing me under the arms and standing me up. He marched me to the bed and pushed me down, with my head next to Grant's ass. I felt something cool down my ass, then a large pressure on my asshole. "Always carry pocket lube." Andy said, forcing his cock up my tight ass. Grant repositioned himself so his balls and as were in my face. "Now it's time to lick my nuts." Grant said. I took Grant's hairy nuts in my mouth as Andy's cock head began stretching out my asshole. Grant pushed my head lower. Next thing I knew my tongue was lapping Grant's asshole. Just then Andy pushed forward sinking his entire shaft up my ass. "So, momma's boy, cock up your ass, you tongue stuck up another man's ass, and your cock's rock hard. Damn. You just watch this pussy porn to see naked straight studs?" I shook my head no. "Oh, so you fuck pussy?" I shook my head yes. "Now you're our pussy. No more pussy for you unless you want Mike's video on the Internet and sent your Mom on DVD." I looked up and saw Mike had his cell phone taking a video of me eating ass and getting fucked.
After Andy let my ass get used to his invasion, he began pulling out then slamming forward. Mike tapped Grant on the shoulder. "My turn." Grant got up reluctantly. Andy began pounding my ass right as I began exploring Mike's ass with my tongue. I could feel (and hear) Andy's nuts slapping against me with each thrust. Andy started giving me a reach around. "Going to toss your load, dude. While you're getting fucked AND eating ass!" Andy yelled. Andy began slapping my ass with his free hand. I looked up from Mike's ass into my mirror and could see Andy fucking me. When Andy noticed, he smiled brought his hands behind his head and began slamming my ass. I came right there. Mike pushed my head back down to his ass. Andy squeezed the end of my cock as my ass squeezed against Andy's cock. I could feel Andy's cock cumming in my ass.
Andy pulled out, then ordered "Hey, clean this." He pointed to his cock. I knelt down and took the studs cum and ass covered cock, cleaning off the juices. Looking up I froze. Six more construction workers were sitting on the neighbour’s roof watching me clean the cock that just fucked my ass. "Here." Mike flipped me on my back pushing my legs over his shoulders, getting ready to enter me. I saw Grant give a wave. Three construction guys stood up and began making their way down the ladders. "Time for the second shift." Grant smiled as Mike's uncut cock slid into my ass.
Friday, May 4, 2007
The gay lifestyle black belt
This posting is aimed at my gay readers, of either gender, although in fact the subject matter applies to anyone who's different in any respect from what's regarded as standard.
Try to be honest and ask yourself: "How comfortable am I being gay?"
Many readers who identify as gay will probably answer without thinking, "I'm 100% comfortable", and in principle that's my answer too. But when I've been thinking about this in detail recently, I do wonder whether I could handle absolutely any situation where my sexuality is an issue.
Over the last week, I've realised that there's an analogy with the way people achieve higher and higher martial arts gradings. Starting from "white belt", one gradually progress through various levels of competence until one earns a "black belt" which is a major milestone. In terms of coming out as gay, the equivalent to starting to wear a white belt is admitting to yourself that you're gay. As one comes out to friends, family and colleagues, one's confidence grows, and eventually one feels that one is fully out and the gay lifestyle black belt has been earned.
But the way the martial arts gradings were explained to me, a black belt is actually only half way up the hierarchy, because beyond that level are all the Dan ranks. Each time a new competence level is achieved on the way to earning a black belt, the original idea was that you were able to dye your belt a darker colour, which obviously comes to an end with black which is the darkest colour of all. Progressing through the gradings beyond black belt, one then works back to white as repeated washing gradually drains all the dye out of the belt, corresponding to achieving a competence level where innocence has been restored and everything has become so completely natural that it's effectively part of one's soul!
In the context of the gay lifestyle black belt, I reckon competence at black belt level means that someone has learned how to live a gay lifestyle, learned all the etiquette and feels very comfortable being gay. When one first achieves this level of gay lifestyle competence, a person may feel for a while that the gay attribute is their most important characteristic. This is a very important milestone, but as with martial arts, I reckon there are competence levels way in excess of this. And as with martial arts, as one progress to higher and higher competence levels, everything gradually becomes more and more natural. At the highest gay lifestyle competence level one has forgotten that one is gay because it's identical to being alive!
What type of characteristics does a person have at the highest levels of gay lifestyle competence? It's certainly impossible to offend them with any type of homophobic language, in any situation, because they just don’t relate to that mindset. By contrast, at the initial gay lifestyle black belt level, the reaction to a homophobic remark may be to trade insult for insult, or perhaps in an office environment to complain about the homophobic remarks to the management. But having successfully negotiated the emotional turmoil of the lower gay lifestyle competence levels, people at the highest competence levels somehow manage to display a confidence which naturally prevents homophobic behaviour in their presence most of the time, because it's clear to any homophobes that such a person is immune.
The people at the highest gay lifestyle competence levels may even use homophobic language themselves as a means of communication. For example, however much one might wish that the weak effeminate gay man was not a well known stereotype in society today, it is, so in some circumstances invoking that image may be the easiest way of communicating with an unreconstructed straight guy. Gay activists may regard it as appalling to reinforce that negative image, but at the highest level of gay lifestyle competence one is strong and not weak and in a particular situation the mindset could simply be communication in the most effective way.
As a general rule, I reckon the more Achilles' heels one has in one's personality, the less successful one will be in life. Indeed, it can often be the case that people's own anxieties and hang-ups hold them back. If a person is not fully comfortable with themselves, other people can somehow tell and in some situations use their weaknesses against them. This particularly applies in my world of work because investment banking is a cut-throat business. It it's much easier to achieve success at senior levels if one has reached the higher levels of gay lifestyle competence so that the gay attribute is no longer an issue.
In this martial art terminology, I probably reached the initial gay lifestyle black belt level around fifteen years ago. But looking back, I can see that I have progressed a lot since then. Even so, I still think I've further to go. So try and be honest with yourself. What level of gay lifestyle confidence have you reached?
Try to be honest and ask yourself: "How comfortable am I being gay?"
Many readers who identify as gay will probably answer without thinking, "I'm 100% comfortable", and in principle that's my answer too. But when I've been thinking about this in detail recently, I do wonder whether I could handle absolutely any situation where my sexuality is an issue.
Over the last week, I've realised that there's an analogy with the way people achieve higher and higher martial arts gradings. Starting from "white belt", one gradually progress through various levels of competence until one earns a "black belt" which is a major milestone. In terms of coming out as gay, the equivalent to starting to wear a white belt is admitting to yourself that you're gay. As one comes out to friends, family and colleagues, one's confidence grows, and eventually one feels that one is fully out and the gay lifestyle black belt has been earned.
But the way the martial arts gradings were explained to me, a black belt is actually only half way up the hierarchy, because beyond that level are all the Dan ranks. Each time a new competence level is achieved on the way to earning a black belt, the original idea was that you were able to dye your belt a darker colour, which obviously comes to an end with black which is the darkest colour of all. Progressing through the gradings beyond black belt, one then works back to white as repeated washing gradually drains all the dye out of the belt, corresponding to achieving a competence level where innocence has been restored and everything has become so completely natural that it's effectively part of one's soul!
In the context of the gay lifestyle black belt, I reckon competence at black belt level means that someone has learned how to live a gay lifestyle, learned all the etiquette and feels very comfortable being gay. When one first achieves this level of gay lifestyle competence, a person may feel for a while that the gay attribute is their most important characteristic. This is a very important milestone, but as with martial arts, I reckon there are competence levels way in excess of this. And as with martial arts, as one progress to higher and higher competence levels, everything gradually becomes more and more natural. At the highest gay lifestyle competence level one has forgotten that one is gay because it's identical to being alive!
What type of characteristics does a person have at the highest levels of gay lifestyle competence? It's certainly impossible to offend them with any type of homophobic language, in any situation, because they just don’t relate to that mindset. By contrast, at the initial gay lifestyle black belt level, the reaction to a homophobic remark may be to trade insult for insult, or perhaps in an office environment to complain about the homophobic remarks to the management. But having successfully negotiated the emotional turmoil of the lower gay lifestyle competence levels, people at the highest competence levels somehow manage to display a confidence which naturally prevents homophobic behaviour in their presence most of the time, because it's clear to any homophobes that such a person is immune.
The people at the highest gay lifestyle competence levels may even use homophobic language themselves as a means of communication. For example, however much one might wish that the weak effeminate gay man was not a well known stereotype in society today, it is, so in some circumstances invoking that image may be the easiest way of communicating with an unreconstructed straight guy. Gay activists may regard it as appalling to reinforce that negative image, but at the highest level of gay lifestyle competence one is strong and not weak and in a particular situation the mindset could simply be communication in the most effective way.
As a general rule, I reckon the more Achilles' heels one has in one's personality, the less successful one will be in life. Indeed, it can often be the case that people's own anxieties and hang-ups hold them back. If a person is not fully comfortable with themselves, other people can somehow tell and in some situations use their weaknesses against them. This particularly applies in my world of work because investment banking is a cut-throat business. It it's much easier to achieve success at senior levels if one has reached the higher levels of gay lifestyle competence so that the gay attribute is no longer an issue.
In this martial art terminology, I probably reached the initial gay lifestyle black belt level around fifteen years ago. But looking back, I can see that I have progressed a lot since then. Even so, I still think I've further to go. So try and be honest with yourself. What level of gay lifestyle confidence have you reached?
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Guardian article relating to Lord Browne :-)
[ Updated 13:40, 3-May-2007 ]
As a result of the resignation of Lord Browne as the chief executive of BP this week for lying about his relationship with Jeff Chevalier, I got an e-mail from The Guardian newspaper. They were looking for "a gay executive who works in the City to write about their experiences", so I wrote a small piece for them. It's nice to see something that I've written published on a respectable web site :-).
Originally they forgot to attribute the article to me, however I was pleasantly surprised that they were able to rectify this in their online edition within a couple of hours, once I'd pointed it out :-). They were also happy to donate my fee for writing the article to charity. As I said in my posting about adverts and sponsorship a few weeks ago, I don't need any income from this blog at the moment, so donating any revenue it can produce to charity makes sense.
In their brief, one of the questions was "What happens on stereotypical City bonding occasions such as taking clients to a lap-dancing club"? Regular readers of this blog won't be surprised to learn that I was able to write something about that! Although they ended up cutting that bit out today, it may get used in another article which is due out on Saturday, which will look at being gay in the City in some depth. If not, I'll post it here :-).
Update 5-May-2007: There's a small quote from me about lap-dancing clubs in today's Guardian article Outed in the City. But for readers who're interested in what I originally wrote on this subject, the original submission that I sent to the Guardian for last Thursday's article has the following section:
As a result of the resignation of Lord Browne as the chief executive of BP this week for lying about his relationship with Jeff Chevalier, I got an e-mail from The Guardian newspaper. They were looking for "a gay executive who works in the City to write about their experiences", so I wrote a small piece for them. It's nice to see something that I've written published on a respectable web site :-).
Originally they forgot to attribute the article to me, however I was pleasantly surprised that they were able to rectify this in their online edition within a couple of hours, once I'd pointed it out :-). They were also happy to donate my fee for writing the article to charity. As I said in my posting about adverts and sponsorship a few weeks ago, I don't need any income from this blog at the moment, so donating any revenue it can produce to charity makes sense.
In their brief, one of the questions was "What happens on stereotypical City bonding occasions such as taking clients to a lap-dancing club"? Regular readers of this blog won't be surprised to learn that I was able to write something about that! Although they ended up cutting that bit out today, it may get used in another article which is due out on Saturday, which will look at being gay in the City in some depth. If not, I'll post it here :-).
Update 5-May-2007: There's a small quote from me about lap-dancing clubs in today's Guardian article Outed in the City. But for readers who're interested in what I originally wrote on this subject, the original submission that I sent to the Guardian for last Thursday's article has the following section:
Anyone who reads my blog will know that I don't believe in monogamy, although that doesn't stop me from loving my main boyfriend and being very committed to him. However it's clear to me from experiences on business trips with my heterosexual colleagues that they don't believe in monogamy either! I always find it interesting to watch the kind of things they get up to in places like "Top Ten" in Singapore, although I have no interest in participating. In that situation, in case someone doesn't know that I'm gay, I've got my standard response
"Hmmm, I think I fancy a dance with one of those two girls over there GB," says one colleague, "you're one doesn't look very pretty though!!"
"Oh don't worry about me," I reply, "I'm just a voyeur".
Somehow the mention of a word like 'voyeur' in the sexual context of a lap dancing club always gets me off the hook. But these days, most colleagues know that I'm gay so the issue doesn't usually arise.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
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