The best sauna I've visited?

Some of you have been curious to know which sauna I was referring to in my previous post. Well, I can reveal that it was Club One Seven Singapore. It claims to be the largest men's sauna in Singapore and features a sauna, steamroom, swimming pool, and al fresco café. Upstairs there is a huge fantasy-infused recreation area with gothic arched hallways, a maze and cul de sacs, video theatre, adjustable industrial lighting, portals, dens, and view ports. I've been a few times now and there has always been plenty of guys of all ages, races, and a notable lack of posers.

A lengthy courtship

Last December, while I was on a business trip to America, I log in to my gaydar account to check messages and find the following message waiting for me from a guy called G who I've never heard from before:

G: Looking for some *fun* tonight. Good looking, 5'11, med build British guy.

The message had been sent the previous day and even if I'd picked it up in the morning, London would have been a bit too far to travel, even for a nice looking guy like G! But it would be good to meet him when I get back to London so I send him an encouraging reply:

GB: thx for msg yesterday m8 :-), I'm too late for last night but would be good to meet another time if ur up for it? GB xxx

My experience is that when guys send messages like this, usually nothing ends up happening if one isn't available at the time originally requested. But a couple of days later, I get a pleasant surprise when the following message arrives:

G: Yes sure I live central so anytime. Maybe sometime next week. G x

So I send him some more pics of me, and soon we've exchanged mobile phone numbers too. He looks like a really sweet guy so I'm definitely looking forward to hooking up with him :-).

Even though G had suggested "next week" in one of his text messages, on my return from America I find myself wondering whether G might be free at the weekend. So after my usual Sunday morning gym session, I decide to send him a txt msg to test the water, and see if I've got his mobile phone number down correctly:

GB: Hi is that G? Weekday lunchtimes are possible for me, but is today any good? GB xxx

Within fifteen minutes a reply arrives:

G: Hi GB, no I am working today. Next week lunch time is best. G x

which is fair enough because he didn't suggest meeting over the weekend. I much prefer meeting guys after work, because as a banker it can be hard to take long lunch breaks, but occasionally it is possible as long as I don't do it too often. So it's easy to draft my reply:

GB: OK sure, so I'll send u a txt msg 2mrw morning when I've checked diary at work :-). Have fun! GB xxx

The following day is the start of the last full week before Christmas and things are starting to get quiet. Half-way through the morning it's clear that taking a long lunch will be possible, so I decide to send G a proposal:

GB: Hi G, hope work wasn't too stressful yesterday. I could visit today if you're up for it, how about 1pm ish? GB xxx

G: Hello GB sorry I cant today a bit busy. Wednesday is good for me or maybe Thursday? G x

I realise that given the time of year, it's not going to be a problem taking a long lunch any day this week, although not every day is good for me because I do have a couple of client lunches organised. So I send him another proposal:

GB: OK G, Wednesday no good for me, but Thursday lunchtime would work :-). So shall we provisionally agree Thursday? (NB: Tuesday also possible for me, either lunchtime or early eve. Friday won't work). GB xxx

He doesn't send me a reply but no matter, in general he's been very responsive so I have no doubt that he's genuine. When Wednesday arrives and I arrive at the bank, I find an email cancelling the client lunch so I send G a txt msg to see whether it's possible to meet him after all:

GB: Hi G, it turns out that I am free today after all, so would it be convenient for me to visit you today lunchtime ish? Or tomorrow still works? GB xxx

G: Hello GB tomorrow is good for me if its good for you. G x

GB: OK great stuff G, tomorrow still works for me. Lets confirm tomorrow morning, and then you can give me exact details of where to go :-). GB xxx

Although he's being responsive, he does seem to be changing his story a bit. Originally he'd been very casual and had simply suggested weekday lunchtimes, but so far he hasn't been able to do any of them!

Thursday arrives so I send him a txt msg for final confirmation:

GB: So, shall we meet at ur place today m8? I could leave work 12 noon for 12:30pm ish arrival, but I'm flexible? If ur up for it, I'll need exact address, including full postcode if poss 2 look u up on multimap.com :-). GB xxx

but I don't get the reply I'm expecting:

G: Hi GB sorry to let you down but something has come up and need to in into work! I am in tomorrow untill 2. Pm he thats any good. Sorry about today. G x

Awwww, after all the txt msgs this week it seems like it's not going to be possible to meet this guy after all :-(! It's also interesting that this txt msg contains several typos. Still, at least he hasn't simply stopped responding to me which is what some guys do in this situation. It's still surprising though, so eventually I decide to check again:

GB: Tomorrow v difficult for me G, are you unavailable ALL day today? GB xxx

G: Its another day I am afraid! Sorry to let you down but is being the last week before xmas things always go wrong with work! G x

Taking stock of the situation, it suddenly occurs to me that perhaps G is new to all this. That would certainly explain all the procrastination, and would also explain why there were uncharacteristic typos his first txt msg today, because he could have been very nervous about the situation. Starting to meet other gay guys for the first time can be very daunting, so I decide to send him a long supportive txt msg:

GB: OK G, no probs, although unfortunately tomorrow really won't work for me. Please don't take this the wrong way but my guess is that you've met very few (if any!) guys like this before, and you're a bit scared. Your behaviour is 100% consistent with that anyway, because in the past I've met quite a few guys in that situation. Anyway, if that is the case, this txt msg is just to say "Don't Panic"! If you do want to meet me for a bit of harmless *fun* at some point, just send me a txt msg. Today is possible, tomorrow isn't, but in any case just send me a txt msg when you're ready and we'll try and work something out (NB I'll be out of the country for almost three weeks in Jan). Take care and Happy Christmas :-), GB xxx

I don't expect a reply and I'm not disappointed because I don't get one! Until last Sunday that is, ten weeks later, when the following sweet little txt msg arrives:

G: Hi GB, this is G from GD. I spoke to you before xmas. If you fancy coming one night after work next week text me. G

Wow, I guess that long txt msg had the desired effect! Actually, I always reckon that I'm quite a good guy to meet if a guy hasn't had many experiences with other guys, because I'm not judgemental and I do understand what it's like to be in that situation. I've also met quite a wide variety of gay guys for various activities over the years, so whatever happens I'm likely to be able to respond in a calm and sensitive way.

GB: Hi G I remember you :-). I need to check my work diary, I know Monday is out but Tues eve might be OK? GB xxx

G: Yes that would be great. Let me know for sure tomorrow. G x

The following day, I check my work diary and as expected, for a meeting after work it has to be Tuesday. So I send him a txt msg to confirm:

GB: Yes G, it looks like I can visit you after work tomorrow :-). For now, can you give me your full postcode so I can look you up on multimap.com to get a clear idea of exactly where you are? GB xxx

If he gives me his post-code it'll be a clear sign that he's likely to go through with meeting me this time:

G: Hi GB 6pm is best. Post code is XXX XXX. Just to say its an ex-council flat and not very attractive on the outside! G x

GB: Don't worry about what it looks like on the outside G, I'll be visiting for a bit of *fun* with you on the inside! GB xxx

This time everything goes according to plan. I leave work early, just after 5pm, and twenty minutes later I'm getting out of a cab in front of a clean but uninspiring council estate. He buzzes me into his building and soon I'm stepping out of the lift onto his floor. Just as I reach his door, it opens and I see G's face peering out at me.

"Brrrr, it's a bit cold out here!" I say grinning at him, "can I come inside?"

"Yes, sure," replies G quietly.

"Anyway, hopefully you'll be able to warm me up!" I say, catching his eye to gauge his response. I always find that mentioning the impending activities helps to break the ice in these situations, especially with someone who may be new to all this.

Face to face G looks just like the pictures that he'd sent me back in December. He was probably exceptionally cute when he was in his early twenties, and now he's just turned 30 there's no doubt that he's a good looking guy, just as he said he was in the first gaydar message that he sent me. At the moment though, I can tell that he's feeling a bit nervous, so I decide that I need to keep talking.

"Is it OK to leave my gym bag here?" I ask him, even though he surely can't have any objection.

"Yes sure."

Dropping my bag on the floor, I take my coat off before turning to face him. Gently I reach out and put my left hand on his right shoulder.

"Nice to meet you at last," I say quietly, smiling again and rubbing his shoulder, "where shall we go?"

"Errr, is in here OK?" he says, pointing through the nearest door into a room where I can see a single bed along the furthest wall.

"Yes great :-)."

We both go and sit down on the bed to take our shoes and socks off and soon we've both stripped down to our undershorts. Looking down, I can tell that G's pleased to see me!

"That looks very nice :-)" I say sitting down next to him, and feeling him gently through his undershorts. "So what shall we do?"

"Nothing heavy, if that's OK ..."

"Sure," I say putting my arm round him and holding him on his shoulder again, "do you like kissing?"

"Errr, yes sure :-)", and keeping my hand on his shoulder, I lean forward and kiss him gently on the lips. He doesn't resist and kisses me back, slowly at first, but soon a bit more eagerly. Before long I'm tugging at his undershorts, which are starting to become an unwelcome barrier to further progress.

"Hmmm, that's better," I say as I pull them off, "WOW, you're not a small guy are you mate!"

It's not long before we're both lying naked on the bed with each other, and taking our time, we have a wonderful session together. Afterwards, we chat a bit while we're cleaning up. And although he'd been quite relaxed in my company during the activities, I can tell that now he feels a bit uncomfortable again. I decide not to overstay my welcome so after my customary glass of water I grab my gym bag and head for the door.

"Do send me another txt msg if you want to meet up again mate," I say as I'm letting myself out, "it's been fun :-)".

Looking back, I've often noticed that it can be the cutest guys that have the biggest equipment. They'll have a sweet face, and most of the time it doesn't look as though there's much there to speak about downstairs. But once aroused it's a very different story, and always looks fantastic coupled with their "butter wouldn't melt in my mouth" face! So if G contacts me again, I'll definitely go back for a second helping :-).

Email from a gay guy with a dating issue

Last weekend, I received an email from a new Asian reader who was looking for career advice, and also my view on a situation that had developed with a guy that he’d been dating. These days I try to keep this blog focused on gay issues so I’m not going to mention the aspects of this email which related to his career, however the piece of the email which related to his dating issue was as follows:

Dear GB,

I recently met a guy for some casual fun but somehow we seemed to have connected at an emotional level too. We decided to meet again and it became a common occurrence. We were spending hours talking. He also took me out to some really nice restaurants at a social level. I had expressed my feelings for him to him, and asked if he could not reciprocate please let me know. He did not refuse it and instead encouraged more meetings. This all happened relatively quickly but I suppose we got along so well. He then wanted to tell me that he had a "younger brother" who came to him for advice. At that time it did not click with me that this person was his lover. Unfortunately, by accident I discovered it was his lover. I decided to stop seeing him even though I liked his company because I felt it was morally wrong and I am not the sort of person who will break a relationship. Subsequently, I sent him some flowers to say let's be friends because we had a connection.

So far he has neither rejected me or responded to my offer of friendship. I am confused. I know he genuinely liked me and treated me with respect. What do you think I should do?

I’ve read those paragraphs several times now, and there are so many things which could be going on here.

The exact nature of the relationship between the guy who the reader was dating and the guy’s lover is not clear from the description. The situation that the reader seems to fear is that the guy is happily partnered to his lover, but that might not be the case. It might also be a casual connection, like the one that the reader was developing with the guy. Even if it is a relationship, for some reason it might be an unhappy one and perhaps the guy is looking for an exit. Another possibility is that the guy and his lover have agreed an open relationship.

However, the reader does give the impression in the email that he made a hasty decision to exit the situation. Perhaps a more pragmatic approach would have been better, because with more information he might have made a different decision. After all, the two of them do seem to have some connection with each other.

A few weeks ago I did a post about how I thought gay relationships should be constructed. I reckon that it's the commitments that one makes to each other that's important, so that monogamy isn't important as long as the right commitments are there. However in this case, since the guy the reader was dating was encouraging a closer and closer connection between the two of them, it could be that he was breaking commitments that he might have made to his lover. If that is the situation, then I guess he's not to be trusted.

Still, I think the reader is right to try and cultivate friendship with this guy, if possible. If the guy rejects friendship, then underneath he's probably not a very nice person so it's no great loss. In some scenarios it's even possible to imagine that the two of them might become boyfriends, and if that were to happen ever, at least the other guy will know where he stands in connection with fun outside the relationship!

Do any other readers have any thoughts on this?

I'm back!

Well I'm back from my overseas trip. Got back last week but I've been so rushed I've not had chance to post.

Highlights of my trip include:

1. Fucking a hot asian guy called Jess withing four hours of landing at the airport on my first day away. I met him in the hotel spa and within a few minutes we were on our way up to my room. I then fucked him in front of the full-length mirror.

2. Having 4 nude massages.

3. Twice visiting the hottest gay sauna I've ever been to.

4. Having numerous favourable comments made about the size of my cock. One guy said that me fucking him was like he was a virgin again as I was the biggest cock he'd ever had.

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Lunch with my friend P

I hadn't seen my friend P since last November so it was good to catch up with him last Friday. We'd arranged to have lunch together at the smart Italian restaurant near my office, and after we've placed our order, the conversation becomes more interesting.

"What have you been up to then?" I ask him, hoping for a good story. P's private life can be quite colourful at times.

"Oh, the usual!" replies P, grinning mischievously. "Actually I went to a big conference in Paris with work a few weeks ago, and I had to share this cheap flat in the suburbs with my straight Russian colleagues. I even had to share a room with one of the other guys. But I didn't fancy him so I didn't embarrass myself."

"But they know you're gay, right?"

"No, they think I'm as straight as a die," he says with a smirk on his face, "and actually I quite enjoyed that, being one of the lads for a while and going to strip clubs with them!"

"What? You went to a girlie strip club??"

"Yeah of course, that's what straight guys do, right! Luckily we'd had loads to drink so I didn't have to perform with any of the strippers or anything. But one of them fancied me, I'm sure I could have pulled her, she said I was cute before she took her clothes off in front of me. She put her fanny right up close to my face and I'll swear that it smelt of M&S tuna fish."

"But off course she'll tell you she likes you," I laugh, "that's her job!"

"Errr, well she didn't have to say that," says P defensively, but from his expression I can tell that he knows he's on dodgy ground.

"Anyway, when the Russians left I stayed for the weekend," he continues, "but then I wasn't pretending to be straight!".

"Did you find any nice Parisian guys for fun then?"

"I must have downloaded gigabytes of data to my phone as I trawled round the gay fleshpots of Paris," laughs P, "because if one place wasn't any good I moved on to the next one!"

P pauses to eat some of his lasagna, but of course I want to know what happened.

"Well you can't stop there mate," I tell him. In my mind I'm thinking that I'll be able to post the story here on Sunday if it's got a good conclusion.

"You know I always tell you everything GB," replies P reassuringly, still eating. "Anyway, I ended up in this maze in this sauna, and I was being felt by this guy when I suddenly realised it was someone who'd been at the same conference as me!"

P seems to think that that's particularly amusing, although it's not clear to my why. "Did that matter?" I ask.

"No I guess not, but anyway, I spotted someone who was cuter so eventually I did the business with him instead, in one of their private cubicles :-). I felt a bit guilty afterwards because the first guy seemed quite nice, and as he was still around afterwards I ended up chatting to him a bit. It turned out that he was going to be in London so I agreed to meet him over here."

"Uh huh, and did you?" I ask, "if he wasn't good enough for you in Paris why would you want to see him in London?"

"Well I don't know, I just did because he was OK even if the other guy was cuter, so I picked him up from his hotel in my convertible and showed him the sights of London."

"Sightseeing doesn't sound like you P, what sights did you show him?"

"Well where do you think," laughs P, "Chariots of course!"

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