Last weekend, I received the following email:
Dear GB,
I am a 25yo guy working for a corporate bank, and have been seeing a guy for about a month now. I haven’t got on so well with another guy for ages, and he's really made a difference since I moved to Hong Kong.
The thing is that there is a sexual issue. He can't keep his erection whenever he puts a condom on. Of course, we never even thought of doing it without. We are both versatile so it's not a problem for me to be Top, nevertheless this tiny accident is regularly repeated (actually always repeated)! I didn’t know how to talk about it with him, but the good thing is that he has now started to share his concerns about it with me.
He is a 27yo hot Chinese guy, who works for a financial institution as well (not the same one as I am in). He's slightly frustrated about his career, but very confident, friendly and sociable, and out to everyone except his parents. He told me that he has never talked about it before with the guys that he's had sex with, and he would go for Bottom for fear of losing it if he would have to Top someone. It's not a good situation, and I think that deep down this nice, sociable, agreeable guy is suffering a lot because of it. I know that he wants to enjoy being Top, and that he hasn’t really been able to so far. He went to a doctor, and obviously there's no physical issue. He plays sport a lot, and takes good care of himself.
I don’t believe in quick fixes, and I seriously think that a shrink could be a good answer for him. A shrink might be able to help him to find out whatever the cause is of his erection hassle, that he cannot find out by himself obviously. However a little quick fix, like being able to penetrate me properly once, might help him regain a bit of confidence in that field, so that he doesn't expect the worst whenever he unwraps a condom. Maybe you or one of your devotee readers have experienced such a thing? I am lost and I really like him.
In my experience, confidence can play a big part in getting and maintaining erections. And once confidence has been lost, it can be hard to get it back. It could be that the reader's new boyfriend has perhaps had a problem just once, but now whenever he's in the same situation he worries about losing his erection, and of course the mere thought of losing the erection makes it happen.
When I was younger, I did feel a kind of pressure to want the other guy to think I was experienced, and to make the process of having sex kind of macho! These days I'm much more relaxed about everything, and I often treat things in quite a light-hearted way. Adopting this attitude could help by taking away the pressure to perform.
Thinking along these lines, I can also suggest a quick fix that might work. The two guys should make putting on a condom part of the foreplay, and in particular the guy who's being Bottom should put the condom on the guy who's being Top. During this process, the Bottom guy can apply whatever stimulation he deems necessary to keep the Top guy excited. Perhaps the reader should suggest this for the first time when he's being Top, and then the next time it will seem natural to suggest this course of action with the other guy is trying the Top role.
Do any readers have any other thoughts on this subject?
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