In a few weeks time, I'll be off on a business trip to New York, and I'm expecting that boyfriend P will be able to be there at the same time. So I'm looking forward to the trip enormously :-). Hopefully we'll be able to be each other's "boyfriend number 1" while we're together.
Long time readers of this blog may recall that I used to number my boyfriends, based on when I first got to know them. So boyfriend S was "boyfriend number 1", boyfriend P was "boyfriend number 2", and so on. However I changed the boyfriend nomenclature a few months ago because the "number 1" in "boyfriend number 1" suggested that "boyfriend number 1" is more important that "boyfriend number 2". One reason for the change is the fact that boyfriend P, previously known as boyfriend number 2, is probably more important to me now than boyfriend S who was previously known as boyfriend number 1. Anyway, what I mean is that while I'm with boyfriend P, I'm hoping that we'll both be able to be each other's "most important" boyfriend!
One good thing about my relationship with boyfriend P is that our communication about difficult issues has always been very good. Right from the start he's known about boyfriend S living with me in London, and I've always known that he's been looking for a permanent boyfriend to share a monogamous relationship with him in the city where he lives.
"You know that I go out on dates with other guys every now and then, don't you GB?" said boyfriend P to me a month or two ago.
"Yes, why?" I ask.
"Well, how would you feel if I found someone who I want to commit to?"
"Hmmm," I say after a pause, "well would be still be able to see each other as boyfriends, and go on holiday with each other etc?"
"No of course not," says boyfriend P with a serious tone in his voice, "you know that what I'm really looking for a monogamous relationship!"
"I thought you'd say that :-(", I reply. "So if you do find a nice guy that you want to commit to, I'd be extremely upset :-((."
And in fact, since then boyfriend P has found a guy that he really likes.
"Don't worry," he said recently, "we're certainly not boyfriends yet, so I definitely won't have committed to him by the time that your business trip to New York comes along!"
But I do feel as though I'm slowly becoming "boyfriend number 2"!
It's a bit of a dilemma. I'm sure that we'll have a lovely time while we're together because we always do. As I said above, hopefully we'll be able to be each other's "boyfriend number 1" while we're together :-). But what should I do when the business trip is over? If he commits to this guy he likes, or anyone else for that matter, I'll be heartbroken :-(. So would it be best to try and start distancing myself from him after my business trip, so that when the inevitable happens and he does find a permanent boyfriend for a monogamous relationship then it wont hurt so much?
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